There's Us (EDITED from Original)
by Xiomy318
Summary: Same story, just edited to fit the guidelines. She loved him. He loved her. Jax and Tara as teenagers and as adult and the events that forever shaped their love for one other. Rated M for sexual themes, language and references to violence.
1. Chapter 1: Someone Like You

**Hey guys,**

**I had to edit the original story a bit, especially chapter 3. The administrators asked me to and they pull down the story until I did. Here it is! The good news is that I have ten chapters done already so I will be posting them up in the next week or so. **

**None of these characters belong to me…Thank the mastermind that is KS.**

**Until next time!**

Chapter One: Someone Like You

_I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited_

_But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it_

_I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded_

_That for me, it isn't over yet_

_Never mind, I'll find someone like you_

_I wish nothing but the best for you, too_

_Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said_

_Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah_

-Adele "Someone Like You"

She stares at the ceiling, his soft snores disrupting the silence, which she is usually accustomed to... How jaded she has become in the last nine years... There was a time when she yearned for adventure and excitement...her days now blur into each other, the rush of surgeries long gone.

Outside, the city continues to thrive, oblivious of her inner demons. She slowly rises from the bed, careful not to wake the occupant who sleeps noisily next to her.

She exits the room, which still smell of sex and whiskey. Just to think that a couple of years ago, she welcomed that smell...but it is all wrong now...not because she doesn't enjoy sex, because she does, but the occupants of her bed are not him, the one she left behind so many years ago... For the past nine years, the occupants of her bed didn't make her scream like he did... Her lovers did not hold her like he did or fill her up like he did. They did not light her inner fire like he once did. He made her feel alive and free...but that was a lifetime ago and now this is her life...endless surgeries and countless lovers hoping for something more...

Tara slowly walks to her living room window... Chicago...how many years she lived entrapped inside this wonderful city. There was a point in time when she truly believed that Chicago was the answer to all her doubts and confusions. After leaving San Diego, she hoped for something more...something exciting...a new discovery. How wrong that notion proved to be. Like San Diego, Chicago became a routine... Even her love for surgery could not supplement what she left behind in Charming so many years ago.

She stares out the window and notes the full moon. Sighing deeply, Tara thinks of the night she gave her body away to him. There was a full moon out that night as well, of that she is sure. She remembers that after he had fallen into a deep slumber, she glanced at the full moon, which stared at her from her bedroom window, content with the events that had transpired moments before. He held her close to him, her head in his chest his heart beating making beautiful music into her ears. She remembers thinking that their hearts were beating as one...that they had become two souls in one entity.

A solitary tear slips down her cheek. How she loved him...blindly, madly...she was crazy in love. That's why she got his mark tattooed in her lower back; because she loved him more than she had loved anyone or anything in the world. And that love nearly destroyed the essence of who she wanted to become. That's why she left Charming. She wanted something more for herself...for him.

But he stayed behind, choosing the club over her and she left for college, leaving a trail of tears behind.

How morbid is she? Thinking of a love left behind while another man's juices dried inside her thighs...

"Tar Tar!?" He called from her bedroom. She cannot even remember what drew her to him in the first place. Maybe it was the pressed suit or his short pepper hair... Perhaps it was the simple fact that the man who is currently occupying her bed is the complete opposite of the man who occupy her every thought and dreams...This current relationship had run its course...that much was obvious to Tara. She only pretended to reach her peak hours ago, just so the man would roll off her. He could not satisfy her neither physically nor emotionally so what was the point in staying in that relationship.

Lately, he has been clingy, demanding more of her time and body. Tonight he even muttered those three words that women all over the world wish to hear at one point in their lives. As he whispered them to her, she only felt disgust and a hint of dread. Her subconscious was telling her to run...to put some distance between herself and the ATF agent, but for now she would return to him. With one last look at the moon which illuminated her small living room, Tara wiped her solitary tear and muttered, "coming, Joshie. I am coming..."

He dragged his body to the nightstand as he grabs one of the cigarettes in the box. With his calloused hands he lights it and takes a long drag. Blowing the smoke out, he thinks of tonight's events. Another gun delivery to the Niners, weed, whiskey and blowjob at the clubhouse...and finally meaningless sex with his wife in "their" home. When was the last time he had meaningful sex?

He could vividly recall that night...the last time he had her in his arms. How he kissed her as if she were the last woman on Earth...how he made love to her as if that night were to be their last night together. Of course, at that time, he didn't know it would be the last time he would make love to her. When he woke up the next morning, his bed was empty and she was long gone. She left him for San Diego. Since then, he filled his days with club business, alcohol, and sex from women who were more than willing to spread their legs for the Biker Prince of Charming.

He took another puff. He let the smoke fill his exhausted lungs. Next to him, Wendy muttered in her sleep, lipstick smeared across her cheek. His blonde wife looked sloppy and worn out in their bed...their bed. The thought alone made him cringe. Why did he marry the junkie whore as his overbearing mother called her? Loneliness. A simple statement, which has caused him two years of misery and regret.

After she left him, something broke within Jax that no woman, no matter how sexy or beautiful or great in bed, has been able to repair. Croweaters threw themselves at him hoping to replace the fallen princess that had broken the heart of the beloved Prince of Samcro, but not one ever filled that void that Tara left behind.

Tara. His Tara. There were times when he would ride alone in the empty highways of Northern California, thinking of his former love. One moment he would be mindlessly riding throughout the mountains, which cover Charming like a blanket, and all of a sudden her face would blur his vision. Or he would hear her laugh ringing throughout his ear instead of the wind. How many times he would be fucking one of those croweaters and imagine it were her moans that filled the bedroom. Even with Wendy. There were times when he almost called out Tara's name as he reached his finale.

He looked over at his wife. Their marriage was a joke. Looking back, marrying Wendy was one of the worst decisions he made in his life. Then again, initially, Wendy was perfect Old Lady material. Docile, embraced the MC life wholeheartedly, followed Gemma's orders almost to an obsessive account, gave him as pussy as much as he wanted, whenever he wanted...most importantly, she never tried to steer him away from the life he was born into. To summarize it, Wendy was the opposite of Tara in every sense of the word.

At first, he fooled himself into believing that Wendy was what he wanted and needed. The first months of their disastrous marriage were marked with many arguments; with him storming off as she pleaded for him to stay. She wanted more from him. More time, more attention... But most importantly, she wanted his heart... A heart that he had given away a long time ago.

Jax sighs as he swings his legs out of his bed. Quietly he puts his discarded clothes back on and walks outside to his beloved Dyna. Strapping his helmet into place, Jax mounts his bike and leaves the house he was supposed to call home. When he bought the house, he thought he would be able to transform it into something livable; create a life with his blushing bride so to speak. How wrong he was. Less than a year after saying "I do" with Wendy, Jax packed his shit and moved to the clubhouse. He didn't speak to his wife for weeks. It wasn't until word got around that Wendy had picked up a nasty crack habit that he even bothered to check up on her.

She begged him to return to her. Promised to keep clean just as long as he stood besides her, as her lawful husband but too great were those feelings of disgust and regret. He ordered Wendy to rehab and returned to his cycle of alcohol, weed, and pussy, not really caring what happened to his wife. Her desperation turned him off. He didn't like the idea of someone wanting him so desperately...unless it was Tara. Again she plagues his thoughts.

Charming is silent at this hour, everyone asleep within the comforts of their home. Some would welcome this silence, however, to Jax the silence was less the comforting. Silence did not keep his demons at bay. Lately the club has turned into something unrecognizable. Violence constantly surrounds him and his brothers. Most people would run away from such a life…he has embraced it, although there are times were he wished more for the club his father created.

After countless minutes riding out into the unknown, Jax stops his bikes along side a lonely road. As he lights up another cigarette he ponders about his past, his present, and his future. Since he was a child, he knew that he would one day be the King of Samcro and the idea elated him…now, the idea terrifies him. What would become of his club, if there weren't some sort of internal change. He and his brothers did time for gun running at one point. Opie, his partner in crime since they were in diapers was still locked up due to the actions of Samcro, his family left in pieces, his children growing up without their father.

Finishing off the cig, Jax climbs back into his bike and heads out towards the clubhouse. When he arrives, the lot is empty. Most of his brothers are probably passed out inside…Jax lights another cigarette…At this rate, he will join Piney's oxygen tank club…As he walks inside, he notes that most of his brothers are indeed passed out around the clubhouse…Tig's head was in between some croweaters legs, whereas Bobby's ass was out there for all the world to see…Chibs and Juice weren't in any better condition. Before walking out back to his room, Jax steals a bottle of Jameson to accompany him and his dark thoughts…Just as he was about to turn, a croweater approaches him.

She leans into his ear and whispers, "Want me to make you feel good?"

With a smug smile, Jax leads the girl to the back of the clubhouse.

Another night of endless booze, weed, and pussy.


	2. Chapter 2: Hello

**Hey darlings,**

**Here is chapter 2. Please review and respond; the more reviews I get the more I get inspired to write. I want to thank all of you for your support. Really thanks to my avid readers…**

**XOXO**

Chapter 2: Hello

_"If I smile and don't believe_

_Soon I know I'll wake from this dream_

_Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken"_

-Evanescence "Hello"

All he wanted were five fucking minutes alone. Just five.

Everywhere he turned there was someone trying to fucking console him, like if an "I am sorry for your loss" was going to bring his Old Man back from the grave.

All he wanted was five minutes. Five minutes to think. Five minutes to just be…alone.

How sudden was the death of the great John Teller. John wasn't just the president of Samcro. No…he was more than that.

John Teller was the man who showed him how to ride a bike. John Teller was the one who handed him condoms when Jax started messing around with girls, without having the awkward sex talk. John Teller was the only person Jax would vent to whenever Gemma got on his nerve. John was Jax's guide…his best friend in his darker moments…John was his dad. And now John was gone.

Not even Opie could help Jax make sense of the cruelty that came with John's death. Not even Op.

All throughout the clubhouse, Sons drank. Drank for the loss of the mother charter's prez…drank for the loss of a friend…of a brother.

Surveying his surroundings, Jax's baby blues landed on his mother. Gemma was acting like the Queen of Samcro, a role she was definitely born into. She was put together, accepting condolences but not falling apart at the seems. Something about his mother's acceptance of John's death bugged the shit out of Jax. She seemed cold, detached, as if some else had lost their husband instead of her. To make matters worse, Clay hasn't left her fucking side for a minute since John's accident.

Right at that moment, Tig's whistle brought the clubhouse to a complete silence. Standing on a crate with Gemma standing beside him, Clay's voice boomed… "Today, we lost a great soldier. A great leader…"

_I need to get the fuck out of here._

Recognizing his window of opportunity, Jax walked swiftly towards the exit, hoping to escape the suffocating atmosphere of the clubhouse.

Right has he reached the door, a pair of strong hands stopped Jax from making his exit.

"Where do you think you are going, boy?" Give it to Piney to disrupt his sudden get away.

With a small shrug of his shoulders, Jax looked into the old man's eyes. Removing his weathered hands from Jax's shoulders, Piney reached into his faded jean kutte and pulled out a small ring of keys.

"Take the Caddy. Fuck it up, and your ass is paying for the repairs." And without a single glance back, Piney turned his attention back to Clay.

With a sign of relieft, Jax walked out of the clubhouse into the scorching Charming sun. Finding the Caddy wasn't difficult amongst the black chrome Harleys.

Getting into the car, Jax just drove without a destination in mind. Driving aimlessly throughout Charming, Jax let his thoughts drift to his mother.

Gemma and John. Since Tommy died, Jax noted that things were strained between his parents. There were countless dinners where all three just ate in silence, an awkward tension lingering in the air. John became sullen, quiet. He rarely laughed and there were times when Jax saw the disappointment in his father's eyes. Jax wanted to ask John what was wrong with him, but never got around to. How he regretted not sitting down with his Old Man for even an hour to talk to him.

Tears threatened to spill over.

_I can't be a pussy._

Gemma and John. As John grieved the death of their youngest son alone, Gemma seemed to grieve Tommy's death with Clay. After school, Jax would walk into TM's lot and see Clay sitting alone with his mother in the small, crampted office, and heads together, whispering furiously to each other. Jax appreciated that Clay was there for his mother but he found their sudden friendship…a little discomforting. Gemma should have found solace with John, not Clay.

Without noticing, Jax realized where his aimless driving took him…Back to where it all started…Climbing out of the Caddy, Jax walked towards his father's final resting place.

As if all stars were aligned, there wasn't a soul in sight. There was complete and utter silence. Just like he wanted. Just like he needed.

Sitting by his father's grave, Jax just stared at the tombstone. Death. How quickly death could ground a person; humble them in ways no one thought possible.

_I miss you._

When Gemma first told him about John's accident, Jax felt a vulnerability he hadn't felt since Tommy's death three years prior. But John's hert was strong, much unlike Tommy who was born with a weak heart. Jax thought that his father would fight for his life and get up fro that horrible hospital bed with a vengeance. But that didn't happen. No. Quite the opposite. John greeted death like an old friend and succumbed to the injuries acquired during the accident.

_Why did you give up Dad? Why didn't you fight to live? Why did you leave me here, alone?_

Jax scoffed at himself. Thirty minutes ago he welcomed the prospect of being alone, even if it were for five minutes. Now the concept of being alone terrified him. There is a major difference between being alone and being down right lonely. He was lonely; lonely in such a profound way that the feelings were quite new to him. Ironic, considering that he was always surrounded by people. His mother. The Sons. Op…But never has he felt true companionship like he felt when he was with his father. They could sit for hours, without uttering a word to one another and be completely at peace; they were kindred spirits and now his other spiritual half had joined the realm of the dead.

John was now buried six feet under and no amounts of tears would ever bring his father from death.

With a deep sigh, Jax stood before his fallen hero and bid him one final goodbye while making a sole promise…

_I will be the son you wanted me to be._

With one last look at the grave that now was the permanent home of his father, Jax turned to walk towards the Caddy.

Deep in thought, Jax initially failed to notice the raven-haired beauty that was also mourning the death of a parent. It wasn't until he started up the beat up car that he noted the solitary figure that walked alongside the empty road that led visitors back into Charming.

Tara smelled him. The smell burned her throat as if she had taken a whole bottle of scotch and poured it down her awaiting mouth. Scotch. The word itself caused a deep disgust.

Derek Knowles had passed out once again in a pile of his own vomit, an empty bottle of Scotch lying next to him.

_How many of these did you drink before stumbling home?_

Her father was an empty shell. Long gone was the man who use to tie her shoes before school each morning. Long gone was the man who taught her how to climb trees and who made her heart-shaped pancakes every Sunday morning. Her Daddy died when her mother decided to end her life six years ago. Now he was simply Dad, the man who rather drown his sorrows in booze than be a father.

Tired of her father's drunken antics, Tara exited her childhood home without any route in mind. All she knew was that she needed to walk out her current frustrations.

Unlike many of her peers, Tara was a loner. Initially, it wasn't by choice. She wanted to get invited to the sleepovers and trips to the Lodi Movie Complex. But being the child of the town drunk and mother who committed suicide really limited one's option of friends. There were people who were kind to her, like David Hale, however, there were times when Tara wondered how genuine these acts of kindness truly were. As she grew older, she realized that she did not want the companionship of her peers. Who wanted a friendship built on superficiality and pity? Not Tara Knowles.

The day of her fifteenth birthday was a turning point in Tara's life. All day she hoped for at least one birthday wish from anyone of her classmates. As dismal as that hope was, it was there. When no one even glanced her way, Tara decided that enough was enough. She was going to leave Charming and its suffocating arms without looking back and no one was going to stop her.

So, for the past weeks Tara has worked her ass off so she could graduate with honors and hopefully get a college scholarship, because let's be serious…with her father's alcoholic lifestyle, they were lucky to have food in the fridge and a roof over their heads.

Charming, the town that killed her mother. Madison Knowles was a beautiful woman who wanted something more out of life. She wanted to travel and really see what the world had to offer. Of course that all changed when she fell in love and got knocked up. Derek promised a fulfilling life, however, living in Charming could only get you so far if you had big aspirations.

As a child, Tara loved her mother more than she had anyone else. She remembers spending countless hours lying in her mother's arms feeling content with the simplicity of her life. Tara had failed to notice her mother's unhappiness. She failed to notice that the smiles never reached her mother's eyes or that her laugh came out forced. Tara failed to notice that every time she caught her mother staring out to the horizon it was because Madison wanted to desperately leave Charming.

Six year ago, a sudden feeling abruptly awaked Tara; something was terribly wrong. Dread spread slowly thru her small body. When she went to tell her beloved mother, Madison was lying in a pool of her own blood, having slit her wrist hours before.

The days that soon followed went by in a haze for Tara. She remembers the feeling of nothingness that came with the constant, "I am sorry for your loss." Tara remembered that she did not want the pitiful glances or the condolences—she wanted her mother back.

Tired of her morbid feelings, Tara glanced up noticing that somehow her feet carried her to her mother's final resting place.

_Why? Why didn't you fight for us? Why did you leave me here with him, alone?_

Angered coursed thru her veins like hot molten. Anger was an emotion she let quietly fester inside her system. Was it unhealthy, yes, but she was not going to give the people of Charming another ammunition they could use against her. She heard the gossip. She felt the eyes on her; saw how her classmates avoided her like a plague.

_I am fucking leaving this place. Leaving Charming and its small-minded people. Leaving Dad and his booze. Leaving you like you left me. _

With one final look of disgust towards the tombstone of the mother that abandoned her, Tara walked slowly to the entrance of the cemetery.

_Might as well get back and clean the vomit before it stunk up the house for days to end._

Lost in thought, Tara was startled when she heard…

"Need a ride?"


	3. Chapter 3: Me and a Gun

**Please review and respond. The original chapter contained a description that changed the course of Tara's life. Due to the subject matter the administrators asked me to edit it so I did. I don't describe what happens so its pretty tame compared to the original. **

**Also, please listen to the songs which lyrics I post. I do not own any of the songs or have ever written a song. These are amazing artists who recognition for their work. Also kudos to KS for writing such an amazing story.**

**Many thanks for those who have shown me support. Keep reviewing! PLEASSSSE. And constructive criticism welcomed…Negativism not!**

**Many thanks**

Chapter 3: Me and a Gun

_5 am_

_Friday morning_

_Thursday night_

_Far from sleep_

_I'm still up and driving_

_Can't go home…_

_…It was me and a gun_

_And a man on my back_

_And I sang "holy holy" as he buttoned down his pants_

_You can laugh_

_It's kind of funny things you think_

_At times like these_

_Like I haven't seen Barbados_

_So I must get out of this_

-Tori Amos "Me and a Gun"

She waited patiently.

That is one of the good things about being a doctor. Patience becomes a valued virtue. When she was a teenager, patience did not come easily. She desperately wanted to leave Charming. She was exhausted of living under the shadow of her parents' mistakes, her mother's suicide casted a dark shadow that constantly followed Tara. Her father's alcoholism made matters worse. Everywhere she went in Charming, she felt watched and judged. It became claustrophobic and draining, hence why she decided to leave the place that she was supposed to call home. She couldn't wait for the day she would pack up her bags and go. Impatient for a new life, Tara thought that high school would crawl by, torturing her inner ambitions of leaving Charming. Of course that changed that one November afternoon when Jax gave her the ride home.

Jackson Teller. Even in this pivotal moment, he thoughts drifted to Jackson Teller

Looking at the clock on the wall, she noticed it was time. With a deep sigh, Tara got up from the edge of the tub. Although her heart pounded inside her chest, her steady hands picked up the pregnancy test.

_Fuck._

The stripped turned blue. She was pregnant with Joshua's child. The thought alone brought bile to the edge of her mouth. Scurrying to the toilet, Tara puked all of her stomach's contents into the bowl.

_Fuck._

Tara couldn't keep it. Having Joshua's child was completely out of the question. That small thing growing inside of her couldn't be brought into this world, not with the father that it had.

The same night Joshua muttered _I love you_ to Tara, was the same night he toughed her for the first time. Not touch in a sexual way; he hit her. Slapped her across the face when she refused to discuss the crow on her lower back. Afterwards, he apologized profusely but the damage was already done. That night, she saw something in that man's eyes that absolutely terrified her. So Tara decided to slowly end the relationship.

She took on longer shifts at the hospital. During her few days off, she told him she was too tired to go out and see him. She changed her daily routine, opting to shop for groceries in other neighborhoods. She went, as far as to changing both her house and cell phone numbers, hoping that the ATF agent would lose interest. Regardless of her efforts, she couldn't escape the shadow that had become Joshua Knowles.

He would send her flowers—pink roses to be exact. He waited for her outside her apartment building, regardless of the time or day. He would call the hospital unit repeatedly until Tara was forced to answer his calls. He was persistent in such an awful way.

Three weeks ago, Joshua had had enough of Tara's dismissive attitude.

Something darker than what she had ever known had taken over the ATF agent. Whatever demon had possessed Joshua raged on and he took out his frustrations in Tara's body.

After he left and when the cracks of dawn streamed thru her window blinds, Tara got up from bed and took a shower. She packed up the bare essentials and checked into a hotel room across town.

She asked for a two-week vacation; Tara ordered room service and didn't move from the bed unless it was absolutely necessary. For countless hours, she cried.

She cried out of anger, frustration and anguish. For nearly ten years, she had built a wall so to protect herself from anymore emotional scarring, nearly forgetting that there were scars that ran deeper and that were potentially more dangerous than the ones she already had. The mental breakdown she experienced after the rape shook Tara to her core. It was during those dark moments that she let old memories possess her body and soul.

She felt betrayed.

Her mother betrayed her when she decided to kill herself rather than take care of her only child.

Her father betrayed her when he decided to embrace the bottles of scotch rather than be her protector and advocate.

Joshua betrayed her when he repeatedly violated her body.

But no betrayal felt as raw as Jackson's. He had promised to love her unconditionally until one of them ceased to exist. He promised that no one would ever get in between them, yet, bikers in leather kuttes and an overbearing mother did. He chose the club over the love they had created and cultivated. Refused to leave the violence and the chaos, claiming it was his destiny to stay in Charming.

So she left. She left because she did not want to become her mother—an empty shell dependant of a man.

For two weeks, Tara mourned for everything lost—her parents, her body as a woman and for a love lost.

After two weeks, she wiped away her tears and like she always did, Tara moved forward with her life, with no one to hold her hand while she did so.

And here she was sitting on her bathroom floor crying once again. Crying because she knew what she had to do; she had to terminate the pregnancy before any more damage could be inflicted.

And for the first time in many years, she wished she were back in Charming—just so she could be back in the arms of the man she continued to love.


	4. Chapter 4: Breathe Me

**Note: First of all I would like to thank everyone for the positive reviews! Please keep reviewing. The more reviews I read the more I get inspired to write. Good news! The next couple of chapters are written; I am in the editing process so in the next couple of days keep checking for updates.**

**And finally, as you might have noticed, my chapters are named after songs. Check these songs out guys…they are truly amazing. **

**Again thanks a bunch! **

Chapter 4: Breathe Me

_Help, I have done it, again_

_I, have been here many times before…_

_Be my friend_

_Hold me, wrap me up_

_Unfold me, I am small and needy_

_Warm me up and breathe me_

_Ouch, I have lost myself again_

_Lost, myself and I am nowhere to be fond_

_Yeah, I think I might break_

_Lost myself again and, I feel unsafe…_

-Sia "Breathe Me"

She unnerved him. It wasn't that she was particularly threatening after all she was quite small. It was the way she looked at him. It wasn't a look he was accustomed to. He was used to the looks of desire that the opposite sex would give him but Tara's look was different; it was if she was looking past the façade of tough-biker-in-training and looking into him…into his soul. It was truly unnerving. And all he asked was if she needed a lift home.

"Why?"

"Why, what?"

"Why are you asking me if I need a ride?" challenged Tara.

Turning on his famous charm, Jax replied, "Well, Gemma would be disappointed if I let a pretty girl walk home by herself."

"Look Jackson, cut the crap and just tell me what you want because first of all, I am not in the mood. I had a shitty morning and I don't want to be beating around the bush here. Secondly, the famous Jax Teller panty-dropping-smile isn't going to work on me." With the end of the diatribe came another cold glare.

Only Gemma has ever spoken to Jax that way—only Gemma. It shocked him how straight forward Tara Knowles was. To him, she was the brainy girl who kept to herself. Honestly, he never paid much attention to her. He knew that her mother passed away a couple of years back and that her dad's best friend was a bottle of booze but he never really noticed her.

He never noticed how green her eyes were or how thick her hair seemed to be. He also noted how ragged her t-shirt looked and how her faded jeans hugged her curvy hips and long legs. Tara Knowles was truly damaged beauty. In her eyes, he saw the years of suffering she was probably subjected to on a daily basis. That suffering forced this young woman to build a leather skin around her so she could protect herself from others. It was at that precise moment that Jax knew that Tara Knowles was different from the others; she wasn't interested in the kutte that one day will adorn his body.

Interest and curiosity spread through his body. Tara was still shooting daggers at his with her eyes.

"If you had a shitty morning, I wonder what mine was," replied Jax with the same harsh tone Tara had exhibited moments before.

That's when it dawn on her. Jax saw it on her face—the recognition reached her eyes. Her stance softens as did her eyes. Without a single word said, Tara climbed into the Caddy and strapped on her seat belt.

"Where to?"

"Out of this place," muttered Tara.

Giving her a skeptical look, Jax drove onward, silence covering them like a blanket. After a few minutes of unbearable silence, Jax decided to break the ice.

"Why was it shitty?"

Tara laughed while she continued to look out the passenger window. Her laugh was not full of joy; there was something sinister behind it…something dark and uncomforting.

"Really, Jackson? You see, if you were to notice things around you, you would have an idea why my day has been shitty. In fact, my name is Tara "Shitty Day" Knowles. Shitty days are such a constant in my life that I would not know how it would feel not to have a shitty day."

"Well, Tara "Shitty Day" Knowles, my day has been equally shitty. So please welcome me to the club."

He felt her eyes on him. She was studying him again. He felt her gaze penetrate into his being—again it unnerved him. He noticed how his knuckles were turning white on top of the steering wheel.

"They say it gets better but it never does," she said in such a low voice that Jax almost missed what she was saying.

"What do you mean?" Jax replied while giving her a quick glance.

"They say the feeling goes away…eventually. But it doesn't. It stays with you…haunts you. And even when you feel like you are moving on, the feeling hits you suddenly, almost like a car crashing into you at 100 miles per hour. The feeling of loss will stay with you…probably until the day you stop breathing…until we both stop breathing," her voice trailed on. Her eyes drift away from him and onto her lap.

"So, how do you deal?"

Giving him a sad smile, she simply answered, "I am still trying to figure that out Jax." She sounded so far away…As if her body and soul where ten thousand miles away instead of sitting next to him in the beat-up Caddy.

Hesitant, Jax didn't know what took over him when he asked her the following question: "Do you ever feel alone?"

Again, she was analyzing him—he felt those eyes on him. Taking a moment before answering, Tara said, " All I know is alone, Jax."

They had arrived at her house. Like the girl sitting next to him, the house had a faded look to its exterior. And just like the girl next to him, there seemed to be a melancholic air hanging over the house.

With a deep sigh, Tara unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door.

"Thanks for the ride," she muttered as she swung her legs out of the car.

Jax had this sudden, unexplainable urge of wanting to spend more time with her. He wanted to get to know more of her. He needed to get to know the girl who in a few short minutes gave him insight on the realities of death.

"You don't have to go in, you know."

She looked at him once more. Her green eyes bore into his blue ones. Every time she turned her eyes on him, he felt like if he were being studied under a microscope.

With a hint of a smile, Tara swung her legs back into the Caddy and strapped the seat belt back into place.

"Where to?" he asked once again.

Tara looked over to him and without a moment of hesitation she replied, "Forward. Just move forward, Teller."

They drove around aimlessly for about an hour before Jax stopped the Caddy in a grassy meadow. A soothing sound of a small river filled the silent air. Without a blanket, both teenagers were forced to sit by the trunk of an old tree and into nothingness they stared, both comfortable with the silence.

"Today must have been hectic for you…with the burial and all."

Jax shrugged his shoulders and pulled out a pack of cigarettes out of his dark jeans. Pulling out a cig into his awaiting lips, he offered the pack to her. When she didn't take one, Jax put the box back into his pocket and lit up. After taking a long drag, he was shocked when Tara took the cigarette out of his hand and into her mouth.

"Why waste one, when we could just share. Didn't Gemma teach you the importance of sharing, Teller?"

She had a sexy mouth. As her lips wrapped around the cigarette, he had the sudden image of her lips wrapping around his…

"Penny for your thoughts, Teller."

Jax felt a blush creep onto his face. "Nothing much, just thinking of today's events, that's all," he muttered quickly as he accepted the cigarette from her delicate fingers.

And back and forth they went smoking the cigarette between them not a word muttered.

"Would he had liked the service?"

Taking another long drag before answering, Jax thought of Tara's question. Would had John liked his funeral? Considering how distant John seemed to be after Thomas's death, Jax did not know. Now that he reflected back on the last couple of years, he realized how disappointed John seemed to be…but disappointed at what, exactly?

"Honestly Tara, I don't know. My dad wasn't himself by the time he died. He was different from the man I grew up knowing."

"Well, maybe you just didn't know him at all," replied Tara while holding his gaze.

Anger ran thru his veins. Giving her a hard look, Jax answered, "I knew my father. I really knew who he was and what he stood for. Don't judge without knowing the whole story."

Tara continued to analyze him. She looked down at her hands before muttering, "And I thought I knew my mother. I thought she was the most intelligent woman in the world. I thought she was the bravest since it was she who would crawl under my bed to make sure there weren't any monsters waiting to eat my toes. I thought she would had moved heaven and earth to protect me. Yet Jax, here I am, nearly sixteen years old without a mother. I thought I knew my mother but it turned out I didn't know her at all."

It all made sense now. Tara's hard edge when he asked her if she needed a ride. How she kept everyone at arm's length—she was still dealing with the abandonment of her mother. Madison Knowles abandoned her daughter the day she decided to end her life. And having a drunk as a father wasn't any better.

"I just wish I would had known what was eating him up before he died," Jax whispered while he looked down at his weathered hands.

He felt her fingertips on his chin. She turned his face towards hers and waited until his eyes connected with hers before speaking softly to him.

"Jax, you can't live in the what ifs. You were right. I didn't know John, not personally at least but if he is what you make him sound to be, then he wouldn't want you to be miserable wondering what could had happened if you did x, y, or z. You were lucky to have the time that you did with him. God, you were lucky enough to know that he even cared about you. Miss him. Cry for him. Treasure him and his memory, but don't live in a world of wonder. You have to keep moving. Keep going and live you life in a way that would make John proud to call you his son." And with her thumb she wiped away the tear that had slipped down Jax's cheek.

At that moment Tara's words were more comforting that the condolences people had been giving him since the day his father die. She knew how he felt; knew the rawness that came with losing a parent. For the first time since John's death, Jax felt understood and with that understanding came a peace of mind that he had yearned for since Tommy's death.

Jax laid his head on her shoulder and let the sobs take over his body. He cried for the parent who he had lost days before. He cried for his little brother, who died without really experiencing the world—who died helpless in a hospital bed, his tiny body clingy to the hospital sheets.

Tara gently stroked his hair, letting him cry all his anguish out. When he exhausted all his tears, Jax wiped his cheeks with the sleeves of his hoodie and stood up. Holding out his hand towards her, he helped her get up to her feet and both silently walked towards the Caddy holding hands.

Without a word uttered, the teenagers climbed into the old car and drove away from the secluded spot that protected them from the realities of Charming.

When they arrived back in Charming, Jax realized that he didn't want to drop her off just yet. He welcomed her easy companionship. He appreciated how much peace her words brought him after such heartache that resulted from his father's death. But he knew he must return to the clubhouse so to face the men who will eventually become his brothers in arms. He was the future of the Sons and he planned to make the club into something his father would be proud of. Samcro was John's legacy and Jax was going to carry on that legacy until the day he died.

As they approached Tara's modest home, Jax wanted to thank her for her compassion…for understanding him and for not passing judgment on him during his moments of weakness. When he parked in front of her house, he opened his mouth to thank her, but no words came out. Feeling her hand on his face, Jax looked into her eyes once more forgetting how deep those green jewels were. For a moment, they just sat looking into each other's eyes with her hands resting on his cheeks.

And without a moment's hesitation, Tara dropped her gaze and unbuckled her seat belt. She opened the passenger door and climb out the car before anything could be said.

"TARA!"

She turned to look at him. Jax got up from the car and again held her gaze.

"Thank you."

And with a small sad smile, Tara nodded and without a glance back, she turned and walked into the place she was supposed to call home.


	5. Chapter 5: Secrets

**Note: Again, thanks to all who have shown me great support. Please keep reviewing. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. **

**What I love about SOA is the complexities of the characters. They always struggle with their decisions. Case in point, Jax in the marketplace in Season 3. Or when Tara contemplated aborting Thomas. This next chapter deals with the same hard decisions; Jackson always struggles with making the right decisions for his family and the club. I figured that when he found out about Wendy's pregnancy it was the same. How could he be a father to a child he conceived with a woman he didn't love? How could the child be born to a world of chaos and violence? This is how I picture him answering all of these questions. To his own admission, Jax didn't want Wendy to have his kid (Season 1 ep. 3 or 4, I think, towards the end). **

**Remember it's a work of fiction and I am not Kurt S. Please respect my take on things. Thanks a bunch. **

Chapter 5: Secrets

_"…On the side of the highway baby_

_Our road is long_

_Your hold is strong_

_Please don't ever let go Oh No_

_I know I don't know you_

_But I want you so bad_

_Everyone has a secret_

_But can they keep it_

_Oh No they can't_

_I'm driving fast now_

_Don't think I know how to go slow_

_Where you at now?..."_

_-"Secrets" Maroon 5_

The past 24 hours have been hell on wheels, so to speak. The Mayans crashed one of their deliveries with the Niners. Luckily both the Niners and the Sons were strapped when the Mayans ambushed them so no bodies had to be buried.

As he parked his bike in its designated spot in the lot, Jax could only think about how he wanted to end his night-with a joint, a bottle of Jameson, and some croweater riding his dick. Just as he turned to walk into the clubhouse, he heard her recognizable voice.

"Jackson!"

Jax turned his body towards the office. His mother was in a rampage. She was charging towards him, anger vividly sketched on her flawless face.

"Sup, Ma?" Jax gave her his famous smile that usually made his mother forget why she was upset with him-the smile didn't work this time. As Gemma stood in front of him, he saw that the woman was livid.

_What the fuck did I do now?_

"You and your fucking dick. That's what's up. When did you start fucking without protection?" Gemma screamed at him.

"What the hell are you talking about Ma?"

"What the hell am I talking about? I'll tell you. This afternoon, I went to your place to stock up on groceries, when that stupid bitch told me she was pregnant with your fucking kid. How could you be so stupid Jax? Getting the crank whore knocked up? Its bad enough you married her skinny ass, now you are playing house with her too?"

Jax's silence seemed to irk Gemma even more. "I am talking to you, Jackson!"

Without a word, Jax walked past his mother and climbed back into his bike. Strapping on his helmet, Jax felt his Dyna purr in between his legs. Revving her, Jax roared out of the lot while his mother yelled "Jackson, get back here!"

_Shit._

Wendy pregnant? With his kid?

_Shit._

What the fuck is he suppose to do now? As Jax rode throughout Charming, he thought about where his life has taken him in the past couple of years. When he was kid, all he wanted was his kutte and a Harley- that much was clear to him from the get go. He knew that one day he would be sitting in his father's chair, leading his brothers. All his life he worked for the day he would be sitting at the head of the table. And now life threw a wrench at his plans.

When he was younger he wanted kids. He wanted a couple of them, so he could continue with his father's legacy.

_Yea, I wanted kids but not with Wendy._

Jackson knew that getting back with her was a mistake. When she got off her last stint in rehab, she sat him down and explained to him that he was the one who drove her to do crank. His disinterest in her broke something within her; drove her mad to think that the only thing she wanted, she couldn't have. Jax felt guilty upon her confession. He wanted to make right by her at least that one time, so he agreed to give it another go. Within days, he felt claustrophobic and wanted out. Simultaneously, he didn't want to drive her to the needle again, so he stayed-just because at the time, he thought it was the right thing to do.

_And now she is pregnant with your kid._

Days after his reconciliation with Wendy, he fucked a chick in Las Vegas while he was on a run. It was plain old sex, with no strings attached yet part of him felt guilty, that he couldn't keep his word of being a truthful husband to his wife. But at the time, he needed to get laid. He needed it to be rough, hard and without any emotions involved. With Wendy there was always some emotional pull in her part and he couldn't stand it. Especially after the day he had in Las Vegas.

The Mayan problem was getting out of hand in Nevada. The Mayans attacked the Son's brother club, which belong to his uncle Jury. The Sons and the Tribe decided that retaliation was a must, so Tig, Hap, Jax and Chibs took care of the situation. They killed a Mayan and buried his body in the desert. By the time he got back to the Tribe's clubhouse, all he wanted was whiskey and a chick to make him forget the sin he committed hours before.

As he watched the life leave the man's eyes, Jax's thoughts turned towards her...Tara. His Tara.

Months before she left him for San Diego, she confronted him about the future of the club. She told him that if he continued to be involved with Samcro that he would turn into someone he would not be able to live with. That he might become someone his father would be ashamed of. On and on she went until he couldn't stand it anymore. He screamed at her that if his involvement with Samcro bugged her so much that she could get the fuck out of the clubhouse and out of his life.

How he regretted those words as soon as they left his mouth. He saw the pain it caused her. Saw her flinch away from him when he tried to reach out to her. Without a moment's hesitation, she did walk out of the clubhouse and it wasn't until she didn't seek him for nearly a week that Jax caved in and went to see her in the middle of the night.

When he climbed into her bedroom window, he saw her small body lying on her bed, her back towards him. He saw how her body shook as she tried to keep her sobs from wrecking havoc in her body. Taking off his shoes, he joined her in bed and cuddled her towards his chest. Without a word, he sought her mouth and gently kissed her beautiful face. He kissed away the tears and tried to kiss away the pain, but it wasn't until months later that he realized how much damage his words had caused. But that night he thought he had fixed everything when he slipped inside of her, claiming her body with his. Slowly he entered her, and watched as her eyes rolled back in pleasure, a quiet moan escaping her lips. And slowly he made love to her so as to try and make her forget those horrible words he yelled at her nearly a week before.

Tara was right that day she yelled that he would become an unrecognizable man if he continued to be involved with Samcro. When he was a child, he never thought that in order to protect his club, he would resort to murder. Not once.

So as he watched the Mayan succumb to the Reaper, he thought about Tara and how disappointed she would be if she knew about the crime he had committed. That's why when he walked into the Tribe's clubhouse he sought out the nearest pussy he could find, so he could bury the memories out of his mind.

And now, a couple of months later his life has taken another unforeseeable turn. Wendy was pregnant with his kid.

Wendy.

Tara.

Polar opposites yet two women who have come to define his life in more ways than one.

Parking his bike in front of the small house he purchased, Jax contemplated the harsh realities of his life. Could he be a father to a child of a woman he didn't love?

Truthfully, when he met Wendy he was in a dark place. An incredibly dark place. It was a couple of years after Tara's departure and he was tired of it all. Tired of the gunrunning, tired of the routine that had become his life since he joined the club. To make matters worse, he had just been released from a stint in prison, and Opie had recently been arrested for blowing up shit for the club. Wendy was a welcomed distraction from the mess that had become his life.

She wasn't a Charming native for one so she had no desire to leave it like Tara had. She was from Stockton to be exact and she left the city for a slower pace atmosphere. But even Charming's welcomed slow pace had bored Wendy after a week of living at her cousin's so she showed up unannounced to one of Samcro's wild parties. It was her ballsiness that attracted Jax to Wendy in the first place. He was sitting in one of the picnic tables of the lot, when his eyes landed on the blonde. She was wearing tight leather pants and a Judas Priest t-shirt cut off so to show her mid-drift.

When he approached her, he saw the lust there and he noted that she probably had been checking him out before he even noticed her. After the proper exchange of pleasantries, Jax asked her to accompany him to the back of the clubhouse so she could really experience a wild party. Wendy smirked and bluntly told him that she wasn't a whore and that she wasn't going to spread her legs that quickly.

"Well darling, if you won't do the job, there are others who will," said Jax before walking away.

And he didn't even think twice about the girl who refused to give him what he wanted that night. In fact, he didn't think of her at all until a couple of weeks later when he ran into her in the local gas station where she worked as a cashier. When he handed her the box of condoms, she made some smart comment about women who were probably doing the job for him. For weeks afterwards, they flirted each time they ran into each other around town.

Of course Gemma had mixed feelings about the whole relationship and like atypical Gemma behavior, she had no problems voicing her opinions on Wendy Case. From one end, Gemma didn't like the fact that Wendy was trying to eclipse her role as Head Bitch in Charge when it came to having influence in Jax's life. On the other hand, Gemma welcomed Wendy in the sense that she believed that Wendy was exactly what he needed so he could move on front the phantom that had become Tara Knowles.

As things got more serious between Jax and Wendy, his mother's dislike for the new girlfriend was evident. "I don't trust her," Gemma said multiple times to Jax. Then again, besides his brothers, who did Gemma ever trust?

The night Wendy finally slept with Jax was the same night she confessed her love for him. It was after the deed was done, so to speak, and they were lying in bed sharing a joint. She laid her head on his chest right above his heart and whispered, "Baby, I love you."

Every fiber in Jax's body froze. For a moment, time stood still as she waited for him to say something in return. When he didn't, Wendy simply said, "I will wait for you. I will wait until you give me your heart," and with a content sigh she went to sleep.

Now a couple of years later, there he was standing outside their home, and those words that she so desperately wanted to hear that night, has never left his lips. At first, she claimed that he was too scared to say them. Then she blamed his manhood claiming it was his masculinity that didn't allow for such emotions to be conveyed.

It was a couple of months after their wedding when she finally admitted the truth to herself. She knew that the reasons behind his lack of commitment lay with the fact that he continued to hold a candle for his former flame, Tara Knowles. Charming was a small town and Wendy knew about the torrid love affair that Jax had with his high school sweetheart. During one of their nastier arguments, Wendy called Tara every name under the sun and Jax just lost it. Looking back at the incident, it shocked him how much a few bad words muttered against his ex-girlfriend drove him into such a rage.

He confessed to Wendy how much of a mistake it was marrying her. How much he regretted even talking to her that night they met. He yelled for as much as he was worth and then he went into the master bedroom and packed his shit.

With tears in her eyes, Wendy begged him not to leave her but Jax's rage was at the point of no return. So he left her. Didn't speak to her until he was informed of her drug habit.

_And now she is having my kid._

Could he be a father to this child? Could he love it, just like his father loved him?

Gemma told him that when John found out about her pregnancy, he was elated. John treated Gemma like a porcelain doll during both of her pregnancies, claiming that giving him his babies was the best gift Gemma could had ever given him.

Opie confessed to Jax that when he found out that Donna was pregnant that he felt his world shift into place. Opie wanted to become someone his kids would be glad to call Dad. Opie told him that the moment he held his first born in his arms, that he felt this indescribable joy.

_Then why don't I feel happy?_

Walking into the house, he saw how in a few short hours, she had turned the pristine living room into a complete chaos. Gemma was anal about cleanliness and at times Jax would watch his mother cleaning up his house. If Gemma were to see how much in disarray the house was now, she would have one of her fits.

"Wendy!"

Like a puppy scurrying after her master, Wendy rushed into the living room. She looked haggard and had deep circles around her brown eyes. "She told you, didn't she?"

Jax gave her an impassive look. How pitiful his wife looked in an overgrown t-shirt and lumpy pants. Nothing remained from the girl he met at the Samcro party.

"I don't want it."

With four small words, Jax saw how he shattered her world. He knew that she probably created a perfect scenario in her head, where the baby would be the glue that would hold their marriage together. She believed that the baby would rekindle their broken relationship and that they would live happily ever after with him becoming King of Samcro and she its Queen. And with four small words, Jax destroyed her dreams.

With a wavering voice, she said, "But Jax, we could..."

He cut her off with one of his looks. When she tried to reach out to him, he stepped back.

"I don't want it. I will send you money so you could take care of this problem."

Giving Wendy one final, dismissive look, Jax strolled out into the night, slamming the door behind him.


	6. Chapter 6: Prelude to a Kiss

**Remember that the next three chapters are already done! Due to the fact that I am working so much, I haven't had time to edit them, but they are written!**

**Being a native New Yorker has helped me a lot when in regards to this story. The reason? The subway. Since I have to commute to work and school everyday, I take that time to write on my Blackberry. My school ride takes up to an hour, so usually I write a chapter throughout the day. As much as I hate commuting everyday, I got to say that it has been easier to endure those hours by writing for you guys. **

**And guys, a Jax and Tara sex scene is coming soon…promise. **

**Thanks so much for the support and please keep reading and review. Muchos besos!**

Chapter 6: Prelude to a Kiss

_Sometimes I feel... like I don't belong anywhere._

_And it's gonna take... so long for me to get to somewhere..._

_Sometimes I feel so heavy hearted.., but I can't explain cuz I'm so guarded._

_But that's a lonely road to travel, and a heavy load to... bear._

_And it's a long, long way to heaven but I gotta get there..._

_Can you send an angel...?_

_Can you send me an angel... to guide me…_

-Alicia Keys "Prelude to a Kiss"

They giggled. Giggles could be heard all throughout the large room.

_God, I hate this._

Changing into Charming's High standard gym clothes, Tara thought of what awaited behind the double doors. Slamming her locker door shut, Tara strolled out of the locker room, ignoring the snickering of her classmates.

Blinded by the Californian sun, Tara wasn't surprised to see her gym teacher setting up hoola hoops around the track.

_What the fuck is she going to make us do now?_

"Knowles! Start warming up! I want everyone to complete a mile before the end of the period. Jump over the hoops whenever you run into one. They are scattered all throughout the track. Start warming up everyone." And with a clap of her hands, Mrs. Acutie sat in the bleachers and picked up Nora Roberts latest novel.

_Bitch couldn't run down the block if she wanted._

Sitting down on a patch of grass near the track, Tara started stretch exercises on her own; she noted how her classmates had partnered up. She was the only one alone. It was then that she felt his eyes on her. Looking up, she noticed how blue his eyes really were.

"Want to jog together?" he asked with a sweet smile.

Not wanting to hurt his feelings, Tara stood up and joined him as he walked towards the track.

For a few minutes they jogged in silence, jumping whenever they ran into one of those God forsaken hoola hoops. It was he who broke the silence.

"So, how was your weekend?"

Finding it difficult to run and carry on a conversation, Tara simply answered, "Fine. Yours?"

He was elated with her answer and question, she could tell. Her returning his question, was the opportunity he had been waiting for. Without missing a beat, he replied, "well, my father and I went up to see Jake in Stamford over the weekend. I got to really see what the world is like outside Charming. On Friday, Jake took me to one of those college parties and..."

Tara tuned him out. David was a great guy. He was a gentleman, always trying to strike up conversations with her whenever he thought possible, but her head wasn't in it today. It had been a strange couple of days for her. Since that day, when she spent countless hours with Jackson Teller, she couldn't stop thinking about what had transpired between them. In just a few short hours, she opened up to him in a way that she never deemed possible. She had never spoken about the impact of losing her mother to anyone, yet, in a few hours, she had spilled some details to Jax. For those few hours, she felt connected to something greater than herself. It was a sort of connection that she had yearned for a while.

_Yea, Knowles. It was a one-time deal. Teller is going to go back into his MC world and forget about the day he cried on your shoulders._

He had cried on her shoulders. When he first laid his head there, she was astounded by the move. Jackson Teller walked around Charming like if he were God's gift to men and women. He was cocky and arrogant; well at least he seemed to be. The only friend he hung out with was Opie and he fucked around with multiple girls from their school. Yet, that day in the meadow, he was so...vulnerable. Never in a thousand years she would had thought that she was going to be the one comforting Jax after John's funeral.

"Tara?"

Still trying to keep up with David, Tara looked up at him. "Sorry, I didn't catch that."

"Thought I lost you there for a minute. Well, you see, I was wondering if you have time after class one of these days...well, I was wondering if you would like to grab a cheese burger or something."

Tara stopped running. She looked at David. After a few moments of silence, she noted how he seemed to be skirming under her penetrating gaze.

His eyes were really blue. Like a darker blue, bright and in a sense innocent. His eyes were darker than Jax's. Jax's eyes were baby blue and unlike David's there was a loss of innocence in them. A couple of minutes ago, David said he felt as if he had seen the world when he went to visit his brother in Stamford. That might be true, but David has never experienced pain, that much Tara could tell by looking into his eyes. Jax did know pain. His baby blues clearly reflected that. David might have seen the world outside Charming, but Jax knew how the world operated outside it. Jax knew the cruelties of the world and that fact alone brought wisdom to his baby blues...a wisdom that David lacked.

"David, we are friends. Let's not ruin that." Tara started jogging again and this time alone. She lied to him... David wasn't her friend. Tara stopped having friends a long time ago. Why create bonds with people she was going to leave behind the minute she graduated high school.

David Hale was a nice guy but she knew that he saw the world in black or white and there weren't any colors in between. He wouldn't understand the complexities of her ambitions or thoughts. David will probably follow his father's footsteps and be involved with law enforcement. David Hale was the type of man who would be content staying in Charming with a trophy wife and a bunch of kids running around his backyard.

After she finished her one mile run, Tara rushed into the locker room, hoping to get out of her sweaty gym clothes as soon as possible. There were still 15 minutes left to the period so she took a quick shower before the rest of her classmates shuffled in. Once she changed into her old clothes, Tara collected her book bag and rushed out of those double doors.

_Lunch._

Nothing reinforced high school hierarchies like lunch did. Who sat where and with whom in the cafeteria was really telling of where you fell in the high school pecking order. Since Tara was virtually a nobody or better put the laughing stock of Charming High, she always opted to skip the humiliating walk into the cafeteria and hung out near the bleachers during her lunch period. She always got some readings done or homework. Sometimes, she just sat there thinking about life and how fucked up hers turned out to be.

As she sat in one of the rows, Tara took out the necessary books she needed to study for a biology exam she had the following week. After a few minutes, she gave up reading about photosynthesis and its importance when she let her thoughts wonder.

Jackson Teller-future king of Samcro. Gemma Teller had groomed her son to take over the MC. Although she hasn't interacted much with the woman, there was something about Gemma that she admired. It was clear by the way she carried herself that Gemma took shit from no one, and honestly, you had to be out of your mind to mess with someone like Gemma.

_I wonder how life might have been for me if I had a mother like Gemma?_

Gemma was devoted to her son. She has seen them together in multiple functions around Charming and Tara saw how Gemma would kill anyone who try to do hard to her remain child.

_Jax Teller. What an enigma you are to me..._

Since that day in the cemetery, Jax hasn't been in school, not that teachers could do anything about it. Jax spent more time out of school than he did in it and when he was at school, he would be too busy to pay attention to its academic components. Tara lost count of how many times she saw Jax's tongue shoved down some random chicks throat.

Anger ran thru her veins.

_What the fuck? Why am I angry with Jax Teller making out with some vapid chick?_

Trying to shake the anger out of her system, Tara thought of how much pain he had been the afternoon in the meadow.

_Is it possible that Jax has everyone fooled? That behind that bad-boy exterior lays a gentler soul?_

_Why am I thinking about Jackson Teller?_

Tara knew what would happen when Jax returned to school. He would go back to cutting classes and hooking up with one of the cheerleaders.

Tara was so lost in thought that she literally jumped out of her skin when she heard, "hey darling."

She was alone again. Alone reading a textbook.

The breeze was blowing slightly making her hair move around her pale skin. She looked lost in thought, her mind a million miles away.

_I wonder what she is thinking about._

Throwing the filter out, Jax crushed the remains of his cigarette with his pristine white sneaker and walked towards her.

Tara was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't notice him standing next to her until he said "Hey darling."

Jax chuckled when she jumped, looking up at him startled.

"I have a name you know."

"Ok. Hey Tara," Jax said with a smile.

"Teller." She nodded and turned her eyes back to the textbook.

He hadn't stop thinking about her. Ever since that day in the meadow, he couldn't stop thinking about her. Her words of wisdom had calmed his thoughts tremendously over the last couple of days. Gemma and Clay's growing relationship didn't bother him as much and he spent more time at the clubhouse trying to get to know his future brothers from other charters. And all cause of Tara Knowles.

He didn't see the point of returning to school so soon after his father's death so he stayed away. He preferred to be at the clubhouse drinking beer with Bobby and Tig rather than be at school where his classmates would most likely give him one of those pitiful looks. But he couldn't stop thinking about Tara's eyes and the calmness that spread thru him while he was with her so he decided to stop by today to see if he could see her, even for a minute. How pleasantly surprised he had been when he saw he sitting by herself in the bleachers.

"Take a walk with me," he said, hating how desperate his voice sounded to him.

She looked up at him, the sun beating down her face, making her squint. Without a word, she stood up and walked down to the track, leaving her books behind. Jax followed her.

In comfortable silence they walked around the track for a couple of minutes.

"Acutie made us run around the track today. She put hoola hoops all around and we had to jump over them like if we were some fucking horse-in-training."

Jax looked over at her. Her hair looked so soft and he smelled a hint of lavender radiating out of her skin.

"Must have made you feel like a show pony."

Tara gave him a small sarcastic smirk. "Well Teller, Daddy having a bit of an alcohol problem makes me Charming's own personal show pony."

"Yea, I figure that must suck."

"You have no idea. No idea."

Silence fell upon them once more. Strolling around the track they continued in complete utter silence. That's when he heard it...the damn bell. He didn't want his time with her to end.

"Are you going to class?" She asked.

"Nah, I didn't come to school today, so what's the point in going. Aren't you going in?"

She turned to look at him. Due to the sun's cruel blaze, her green eyes were squinting at him so he couldn't get the full effect of them. After a moment, she continued walking while Jax stayed rooted in the spot. Looking behind her Tara replied, "I got a free period next. What's the point in going in, when we got this lovely weather?"

Jax jogged to catch up with her. "See I know what you are saying Knowles. You rather spend time with me than be inside with the other losers of Charming High," Jax teased.

"Gosh. That head of yours must be really inflated, Teller. Don't flatter yourself Jax. The weather is nice for November."

Jax tried to hide his smile. He was content that he was going to spend at least the next 45 minutes with her...alone.

"How have you been since I last saw you?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question, Jax?"

Jax felt her eyes on him again...she was studying him.

Jax shrugged his shoulders. "The club is in a bit of disarray. They got to vote in a new prez, now that Dad died. It looks like Clay will be fulfilling in my Old Man's shoes."

"No one could ever fill his shoes, Jax. Not if you don't allow it. Your father is someone who cannot be replaced. Doesn't matter who comes in afterwards."

Jax's eyes connected with hers. His stomach fluttered.

Silence overpowered them for a while. On and on they continued to do laps around the track.

How comfortable he felt just walking with her.

"Why are you always alone, Tara?"

"Why must we always have someone with us?" she replied while she turned her gaze towards him. "The truth is, I was born alone...will probably died alone. Being alone is something we, as humans, must get comfortable with. As you know from experience, death is sudden...unexpected. Someone you love could die in an instance and leave you alone. Instead of shunning being alone, society should embrace it. Makes life more bearable when you know the truth about being alone."

It made sense. "But don't you get lonely?"

"Jax, I used to be in rooms full of people and feel the loneliness spread throughout my body. No one ever spoke to me. Words would come out of their mouths but they were words without meaning. So after a while I distance myself from that because it was false. I rather be alone than being surrounded by falseness."

They stopped walking. Facing her, Jax replied, "That's kinda morbid don't you think, Knowles?"

"Maybe, but at least it's the truth Jax." Their eyes connected.

"Maybe it is. But you don't have to be alone anymore."

Closing the distance between them, Jax tilted her head towards his and placed his lips over hers.


	7. Chapter 7: It's All Over but the Crying

**Note: This is where I left off before the administrators asked me to edit the story due to content. So to my past readers, this is a new chapter for you all. Please review and respond. This chapter is one of my favorites that I have written. I feel like it explains Jax and Tara and some of the dynamics as to why they were so unhappy after the break-up. And although I am not a huge fan of Wendy (I actually dislike her character tremendously) I do fell badly for the abandonment she must have felt when she was pregnant with Abel.**

**By the way, the song "It's All Over but the Crying" by Garbage is one of their best, in my humble opinion. Check it out guys. It's sad and haunting, hence why I chose it for this chapter. Although ten years passed since their break-up, in my opinion, in those ten years, Jax and Tara were never truly happy. It's the perfect song for them. **

**Thanks a bunch for all the support. **

**Rated M for content. Enter at your own risk. **

Chapter 7: It's All Over but the Crying

_Certain things just happen when you make no plans_

_And love can really tear you up and it can break you down_

_Everything you think you know baby_

_Is wrong_

_It's all over but the crying_

_Fade to black I'm sick of trying_

_Took too much and now I'm done_

_It's all over but the crying_

_Baby we're done_

_If I could I would_

_I'd change everything_

_Cause I can't forget you though you don't believe me_

_Now I can't walk back_

_I can't leave behind_

_Where does it go all the light that we had?_

_Everything you think you know baby_

_Is wrong_

_And everything you think you had baby_

_Is gone…_

-Garbage "It's All Over but the Crying"

The place looked pristine—almost as if no one had lived there for the past years.

Tara looked around one last time before shutting the door behind her.

_This is it._

Determined to leave the nightmare that had become Joshua Kohn, Tara decided to move back to Charming and the idea terrified her. Climbing into her awaiting cab, Tara thought of the harsh realities of her life in Charming.

When she moved away ten years ago, she had shut the door on all things she hated about the place. She hated the everyday routine of it all. She hated knowing every citizen of Charming and hated knowing that every single one of them knew her. She hated the fact that she was always being judged—judged for her mother's suicide, judged for her father's alcoholism…judged for being Jax Teller's Old Lady. When she left, she vowed never to return and yet here she was, returning to a place she swore she would never step foot in again.

Charming. So many memories, both good and bad.

There was a time when she thought that she could remain in Charming for a little while longer, if it meant that Jax would join her in her exit. Together they could conquer the world, she thought. How stupid and naïve she was. Jackson loved the club almost to an obsessive level, claiming that one day it would be theirs; that they, together, would rule Charming from behind the gavel.

But Tara knew she couldn't stay in Charming—not in the long run. The deeper she got in with Samcro, the more she felt as if she were losing herself. As much as she loved Jax, during those last months, she hated to look at herself in the mirror. She had become a hybrid of him…stubborn, temperamental and demanding of his time. It got to the point that all she wanted to do was smoke weed, drink, ride behind him on his bike and make love to him. For a moment, she had forgotten about her aspirations of becoming a doctor and moving out of Charming. She remembered thinking: what's the point in leaving when I have my whole world standing next to me?

Tara loved the liberty that came with the MC life. She loved going on long protection runs with Jax. She loved it when they would pull over some random gas station and they would go into one of the bathrooms and have quick and rough sex, without a care in the world. She loved strolling out of the bathroom, lips swollen and hair all over the place because she knew that everyone knew that she was his Queen just like he was her King. She liked to claim her territory just like he loved to claim his.

That's why during one of those runs, he beat the crap out of one of the Sons in the Tacoma charter, after the guy made a pass at Tara. The guy didn't know that Tara was the Princess of Samcro. Afterwards, Jax made a point of making everyone know that Tara was his and that no man was to look, talk, or touch his Old Lady the wrong way. After beating the guy to a pulp, Jax dragged a furious Tara to one of the rooms and fucked her into oblivion, making her scream loudly multiple times. Of course he did that purposely so everyone could hear her and know that she belong to him and him alone. Afterwards, Tara was slightly embarrassed but that didn't matter since she knew that Jax loved her as much as she loved him.

Her whole fucking world revolved around Jackson fucking Teller and it nearly killed her. It killed her when he refused to leave Charming. She cried herself to sleep for a couple of nights, but she had made up her mind. She was going to leave Charming no matter how much it hurt her to leave him behind.

One of the reasons behind her departure was the fact that she feared for her life. She feared that one day she would wake up and want to end it all just like her mother did when Tara was nine. For three years, her life consisted of school and Jax and after she graduated it just consisted of Jax, and she knew she could not live like that. She couldn't put all her happiness on one person.

Then there was Samcro itself. For the last year of their relationship, Samcro caused havoc in the lives of Jax and Tara. After being patched in, Jax's involvement with the club increased tremendously. More often than not, he would leave Tara for days at an end without telling her where he went and what he was doing. There were nights that Tara would wake up to him sleeping next to her, him smelling like gunpowder. Once she went to visit him at the clubhouse and she saw droplets of blood in his usually white sneakers. Jax was showering when she entered his room, so he was unaware of her discovery. When he finished, she decided to play ignorant to what she saw. When he got out of the shower, Tara saw how conflicted he was…saw it in his eyes that he had some sort of guilt he was trying to deal with…but she remained silent, instead choosing to remove his towel and give him one hell of a blowjob so he could forget whatever was plaguing him.

_God, the sex was amazing._

Amazing it was. They would make love as much as possible, whenever possible. There would be days were Tara would be so swore that it would hurt to walk. Jax knew what drove her to a point of no return. He studied her body, knowing every nook and cranny of what made her moan or scream. In return, she knew how to make him beg for more. He could never get enough of her; he would often say so himself. They also didn't discriminate to where they got it on. Tara remembered how wild they were; when they wanted it, they went for it not really caring who was around or where they were. The clubhouse, her room, his room, the Teller-Morrow office, even the table with the Reaper had all been witness to their sexual passion.

Weeks before her departure from Charming, their sexual drive was out of control. As soon as they were alone, they were ripping the clothes off their bodies and just fuck until they couldn't take it anymore. Back then she didn't understand why her body sought his so desperately but now she knew…subconsciously, she was saying goodbye to him. She wanted to take some part of him with her to San Diego. That's why she would let him cum inside her…she wanted to take him with her

_Miraculously, you didn't end up pregnant. _

The thought made her freeze. It wasn't that long ago when she decided to…

_Don't think of it. It had to be done. _

Looking out the cab window, Tara decided to let her memories drift to a happier time in her relationship with Jax. The best moments were when they were still getting to know each other, walking around the track or sitting by the tree in their mellow. They talked about anything and everything. There were no filters between them. For three years, Jax was more than just her lover and boyfriend…he was her best friend.

He was probably the only person alive who knew how she felt towards her mother and father just like she was the only person who knew how he felt about John, Gemma and Clay. When she left Charming, she not only left behind the love of her life…she left behind the only person who knew her…the real her.

_But I needed to get out; needed to find a place for myself in this world. I couldn't just be Jax Teller's Old Lady._

So she left one summer day, without looking back. She cried on the bus ride to San Diego. Cried so much that by the time she got off the bus, her eyes were so swollen that she could barely see out of them. When she settled into her small room at her father's cousins' house, she continued to cry. And for months it went. For a whole year, she focused on school, trying to forget it all…she really tried to forget him, but she couldn't. As hard as she tried, his face plagued her every thought.

For the first year, she didn't have friends. Like she was accustomed to, she kept to herself and only answered necessary questions. Her sophomore year was slightly different; she made friends with the people in her study groups. She thought of him less and less with each passing day, but she would still think of him…at least once a day. By the middle of her second semester, she fooled herself into believing that she was over Jax Teller. She laughed more and mingled with different people. For the first time in her life, she wasn't worried about her past and the damage it had caused her. She was free from the chains of her childhood town—or so she thought.

One night she went to one of those college parties and got drunk to the point that she didn't know what took over her. She picked up some random blonde guy and went back to his dorm room with him. She did things with him that she was too embarrassed to admit, but she did them—just like she had done them with Jax. When she reached her orgasm, it was Jackson's name she called out. She screamed it at the top of her lungs, liberating months of oppression that came with her fooling herself that she was over him.

It was then that she realized how much she continued to love him and how much she will continue to love him until the day she died. That's why she pick-up the blonde haired guy for the random hook-up—because he looked slightly like her biker god.

"50 bucks, madam."

Tara snapped out of her thoughts. Paying the cab driver, she loaded her luggage into one of those airport carts and walked towards her airline in order to obtain her ticket.

While she waited for her turn, Tara thought back to her college years.

Sophomore year was truly a turning point for her. With desperation, she tried to forget Jax so she threw herself at her studies. Although she hated to admit it, it was during her sophomore year that she started having random sex with her fellow peers. She would get drunk at parties and sleep with whichever guy caught her eyes first. Even though they weren't many one-night stands, they were still there. With each guy, she tried to push her thoughts away from Jackson Teller, but at the point of ecstasy, it was only his face she saw. By the end of that summer, she gave up trying to forget him. She surrendered herself to the memories of him and to this day, he still haunted her every thoughts.

"Next!"

With a sigh, Tara gave the necessary documents to the lady standing at the counter. Once she got her boarding pass, Tara walked to her terminal.

_Back to Charming. Back to my past. Back to him…_

Once she boarded her plane, she looked out her window.

_Goodbye Chicago._

And for the first time in years, Tara felt at peace with herself.

The place reeked…there was no better way to explain it.

It was stuffy and messy, clothes thrown everywhere.

"Wendy! WENDY!"

Shuffling out of the bedroom, Wendy came out to the living room. She looked…out of sorts. Her blonde hair looked like a beehive, tangles framing her face. She had dark shadows under her eyes, and the sweater she swore was too big for her small frame.

That's what scared him…she looked too thin for someone who was suppose to be in her last trimester. He had seen pregnant women. They glowed and were round at the face…Wendy looked haggard and her face was hollowed in.

He continued to study her. Not once did she look up to meet his eyes, deciding to look past him, straight ahead instead. She looked sickly…too sickly.

Softly he spoke, "What's wrong, Wendy? Are you okay?"

She snorted. Although she continued to look straight ahead, she replied, "Am I okay? You got some fucking nerve asking me that, Jax. For the past couple of months, I have been carrying your child, and now is the time that you ask me if I am okay? Seriously? Not once have you come with me to get a sonogram. You left me. Again. While I am carrying your fucking baby. Am I okay? Yes Jax, I am fucking peachy."

Jax felt his temper snap. Thru clenched teeth he replied, "I told you I didn't want a baby. Told you this multiple times, yet, you decided to keep it. Why? To trap me? So I could remain by your side? You think a child was the solution to all our problems?"

A pregnant pause followed the diatribe. "Why did you marry me Jax?" Wendy asked calmly.

Her question caught him off guard. He expected screaming, name-calling, everything under the sun but not the question she just finished asking. Lost for words, Jax just looked at her.

"Be honest for once, Jax." Finally she looked into his eyes. Eyes that were once so full of life were now brown and empty…No life behind them.

"Honestly Wendy, I don't know."

"But you do Jackson. You do know why you married me. You thought I would be your ticket out."

"My ticket out?"

"Yes," she replied coldly. "You never loved me. You lied to me. You wanted me to be her replacement. I was your ticket out of a broken heart but that didn't work, did it? I could never meet up with your expectations. I never measured up to her, did I? I was second best at everything I did for you. I could tell by the way you treated me; by the way you looked at me. I was never good enough. Will never be good enough for the great Jax Teller."

Jax remained silent.

"That's why you didn't want him. Why you wanted me to get rid of him. I wasn't Tara Knowles and to you, Jackson Teller, was the biggest sin I ever committed. Not being her."

"Him?"

"Yes, him. Congratulations, you are having a son." And without a glance back, Wendy turned, walked back into the bedroom and slammed the door behind her.


	8. Chapter 8: Family Portrait

**Note: Hey loves! I just realized that those who favored ****_There's Us_**** before will have to do so again. When the administrators froze my account my followers disappeared. So to the previous readers, please favor the story again. I don't want you guys to miss anything; I write for you guys.**

**On to other things, please keep reviewing. The more feedback I get the more inspired I get. To other readers, please follow. I love interacting with you guys and answering your questions regarding where I want to take Jax and Tara. **

**The last two episodes of SOA have been an emotional rollercoaster. I just hope that Jax and Tara make it to the end so they could finally get their happily ever after. **

**Thanks all of you for your support. All these characters belong to the brilliant KS. Let him continue kicking ass. **

Chapter 8: Family Portrait

_…And this I come home to, this is my shelter_

_It ain't easy growing up in World War III_

_Never know in what love could be, you'll see_

_I don't want love to destroy me like it has done_

_My family…_

_Daddy please stop yellin', I can't stand the sound…_

_…I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away_

_Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have_

_No choice, no way…_

_…In our family portrait we look pretty happy_

_We look pretty normal, let's go back to that_

_In our family portrait we look pretty happy_

_Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally…_

-P!nk "Family Portrait"

It was raining…Pouring to be exact and Tara loved every minute of it.

She stood by the living room staring out to the neighborhood she called home, her head resting upon the windowpane. It wasn't a particularly chilly evening but it was raining as if the world were to end tomorrow. The streets of Charming were empty. Fro the window, all the houses looked like gingerbread ones with little lights coming out the windows and smoke out the chimneys; the streets were empty though, like a ghost town. Due to the rain, people sought refuge inside the comforts of their homes.

Unlike her neighbors, her house was dark. Tara had only turned on one of the lamps of the living room, darkness covering her like a blanket.

The timer went off. Sighing, Tara walked towards the kitchen, turning on as many lights as she could on the way.

When she reached her destination, she turned off the little machine that was making the entire ruckus in the usually silent house.

Tara opened the oven. Checking the meat in the pan, she was it was thoroughly cooked. Placing the pan on top of the counter, Tara checked on her boiling potatoes. Seeing that they were also done, Tara swiftly drained the pot. Adding the necessary ingredients, Tara started mashing the potatoes.

_Why am I keeping up with these pretenses? We aren't a real family…haven't been since Mom died. _

It was while she added the final touches to the simple dinner, that she heard the screeching of the tires. A few seconds later, she heard the front door slam. He was obviously drunk…Tara could tell that much by the way he started kicking things out of his way. Not to be deterred from the task at hand, Tara continued with her preparations.

_He is not going to ruin this—not today of all days._

He stormed into the kitchen, bottle of scotch in his hands. He stood next to her, his hot breath causing goose bumps in her arms.

"You stupid bitch! I cuss the day you were born. You killed her. It's your fault she is gone…" He grabbed the pan containing the meat from the counter and threw it across the room. He then proceeded to walk towards the middle of the room and kick one of the kitchen chairs from under the table.

Tara continued mashing the potatoes.

"Look at me when I speak to you!" he stumbled back towards her and without hesitation Tara moved out of his way and ran outside, without a jacket or umbrella.

She ran—ran until her lungs screamed for her to stop.

Over the last year, Derek's drinking has gotten out of control. He was barely ever sober and when he was he completely ignored his only daughter, only speaking to her when deemed necessary. When drunk he yelled and blamed her for Madison's death but never physically abused her—not yet at least.

_But some bruises are worse than physical ones._

She continued walking as she wrapped her arms around herself. Looking up at the sky, she saw that the rain was not going to let up. In fact, in the past couple of minutes it seemed to be raining harder than before.

Tara continued walking, with no goal insight.

There were times were she truly hated her father for the neglect he has subjected her to; there were other times were she tried to justify his anger. He loved Madison more than he loved anyone. He had built his whole world around Madison and the day he buried her was the day he died—at least spiritually.

_Still. It wasn't my fault you didn't keep your promises._

Weeks before her death, Madison confided in Tara that she wanted to travel the world and write travel books. She wanted to taste exquisite worldly cuisines and observe exotic cultures. After confessing her hopes and dreams to her only daughter, Madison brought out a box that was filled with magazine cutouts and maps.

"I want to go here," said Madison while pointing to India in one of her maps. "And here," South Africa. "And here," Bolivia. And on and on she went for a while pointing at all the different countries she wanted to visit at some point in her lifetime.

Enchanted with Madison's words and aspirations, Tara saw all the hope in her mother's eyes. All the life that shone behind them as she thought about the possibilities outside of Charming.

Three months later, Madison lay dead in the bathroom floor, the light extinguished from her green eyes.

Tara stopped walking and looked around at her surroundings. Nearly twenty minutes of walking and where did she end up? Charming High.

Without its students, faculty and staff, Charming High looked dead and uninviting.

Walking up to the track, Tara sat in one of the rows of the bleachers. She was cold. The rain kept pouring down, merciless and unforgiving.

Tara shivered and thought about her current situation.

Her mother was long gone, her father hated her, and her classmates either ridiculed her or ignored her.

Sorrow spread throughout her body and soul.

_Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._

Tara kept repeating those words to herself as she rocked herself against the rain while tears ran down her cheeks.

Her lips were warm and soft. Realistically speaking, the kiss didn't last very long—probably a minute max, but it felt much longer to him.

Afterwards, they broke apart and just stared into each other's eyes. She was the first one to look away. She continued walking around the track with him walking beside her in total silence. When the bell ran, she gathered her books that were still at the bleachers and she headed back to class while he went back to the clubhouse.

Everyday during their lunch period, he would join her in the bleachers. Sometimes they would walk around the track, talking about trivial things, such as their fellow classmates and teachers. Other times, they would remain sitting at the bleachers, quiet, both lost in their own thoughts. Never did they speak about the kiss.

_Why can't I stop thinking about it?_

Jax lay in his bed, looking up at the ceiling while he smoked a cigarette. Downstairs, he could hear Gemma barking orders at the Old Ladies that were attending tonight's dinner.

For weeks, his thoughts were always on Tara. The more he spoke to her, the more he wanted to get to know her…the real her. For weeks, they have been hanging out during their lunch period and her free period, and he felt as if had just scratched the surface as to the person she was.

There was a knock at his door. Without waiting for a reply, Opie walked into his room and flopped into the nearest chair.

"It's going to be a packed house, brother."

Jax looked at his best friend. Since they were babies, Jax and Opie were inseparable. Both of them knew what their futures would consist of—Jax as president of Samcro and Opie as his VP.

"Yea, it is," muttered Jax.

Opie chose to remain silent as he looked at his best friend. After a pregnant pause, Opie stated, "Brother, if you need to talk I am here," and with a nod of his head Opie stood and walked out of his room.

Jax welcomed the silence. Given the time that Opie and Jax known each other, Opie knew when Jax needed to be by himself. That's one of the things he appreciated about his best friend—he always knew what Jax needed when he needed it.

"JAX! Baby, dinner is ready." Gemma's voice resounded throughout the house. Getting up, Jax walked downstairs to his mother's pristine kitchen/dining room. What he saw made him freeze in the spot. His blood ran cold through his body.

Clay was sitting in his father's place at the head of the table. Everything and everyone stood still; all eyes were on him.

Thru clenched teeth, Jax said, "What are you doing in my father's seat? Who do you think you are sitting where he sat with us as a family?"

Everyone was silent; only the rain hitting the windowpane could be heard in such absolute silence.

"Baby…" Gemma started. "There is something Clay and I have to tell you…" She stood behind him and grasped his hand. " Jackson, Clay and I are in love. We are together and we want to get married. We have both decided that the sooner the better. For the club, our family and us."

The energy of the room shifted. People didn't know what to make of the news.

It was Jax who broke the silence first.

"Dad was buried less than a month ago and you want to get remarried already?"

"Jax, son…"

With one cold glare, Jax shut up the current president of Samcro. "Do not call me son…" And without once glance back, Jax strolled right thru the kitchen door.

How could his mother start a relationship so soon? And with his father's best friend? Had Gemma been sleeping with Clay before his father died? No…No she wouldn't do that to her father. No, that was impossible.

"Jax, wait up!"

"Op, I need to be alone."

"I know brother, here take the wagon. It's pouring." Opie handed Jax a set of keys.

Without another word said, Jax climbed into the awaiting car and sped off, tire marks left behind. Clenching his hands that were resting upon the steering wheel, Jax drove thru Charming anger coursing thru his veins. The longer he drove, the angrier he seemed to get. He needed to vent to someone. He could go back and talk with Op but that meant going back to his house and seeing that man sitting in his father's place at the head of the table.

Tara.

I need to see her.

Determined to see Tara, Jax drove to her house. Upon parking the wagon, he noticed how abandoned the place looked…everything was dark and overgrown. All the lights were off, except one. Towards the side of the house, he saw one of the rooms illuminating the dark night. Derek Knowles was obviously home since the Cutlass was parked askewly in the driveway. Running to the front door so to seek shelter from the rain. He knocked rapidly and waited.

No answer.

He knocked once more…

_Come on…Open up. Please open up. _

Deciding to investigate as to why no one answered the door, Jax walked around to the side of the house where the kitchen's light shone brightly against the dark and rainy night. He peered thru one of the windows.

The kitchen was trashed. Chairs were flipped over; broken glass covered the floor, not to mention the mash potatoes that adorned the walls of the kitchen.

Hurriedly, Jax opened the backdoor and entered the small house. Leaving a small puddle by the door, Jax walked around the kitchen, trying to find the source of such disruption and disarray. That's when Jax saw him…lying on the floor, passed out cold on the kitchen floor.

"Tara?" Jax called out.

Walking through the house, he searched every room he came upon until he reached one last door, which Jax assumed was her room. When he opened the door, her smell overwhelmed him. An aroma of lavender mixed with small hints of vanilla and sweet pea. A smell that embodied the essences of who Tara was—soft and delicate.

Her room was simply designed…there was nothing extravagant about it. Like the smell that perfumed it, the room was so Tara that he felt his heart flutter at the thought that this was the place she called home. Greens, blues, and browns gave the room a serenity that he needed at the moment.

_Where is she?_

Without any hesitation, Jax walked out of the room and house, determined to find her. He drove aimlessly around Charming, his blue eyes seeking her desperately.

_What if she is somewhere else? Having dinner with family friends? Or a friend from school?_

Hale. He knew that the prick had a thing for Tara. That much was obvious from the way Hale looked at Tara.

_Why would I care if she were with Hale?_

He couldn't help the feelings of jealously that spread thru him, almost blinding him. Tara couldn't be with Hale. Hale wouldn't make her happy. Hale would make her settle…Tara wasn't the type of person who would settle.

Parking his car near Charming Gardens, Jax laid his head on the steering wheel.

_Where is she? Is she okay? Charming High. Why didn't I think of that before?_

Driving to his high school, Jax knew she was there. He just did.

Parking the wagon in front of Charming High, Jax peered thru the window…that's when he saw her…hunched by the bleachers.

She was soaked meaning that she had been there for a while.

Getting out of the wagon, Jax jogged towards the track. When he approached her, he saw her shaking. As he got closer, he heard her crying…small, quite sobs. Without a word muttered, he sat next to her and wrapped his arms around her. Immediately, her head rested against his shoulder and he just held her. He let her release all her pain onto him just like the sky was releasing its anger upon them with the heavy rains.

When she finally quieted down, he scooped her in his arms and carried her out of the bleachers into the awaiting wagon. When he settled her in the passenger seat, Jax jogged to the other side and started the car. And off they went into the dark, gloomy night…

"Here, put this on. I don't want you to get sick," Jax said as he handed Tara one of his t-shirts that he kept at the clubhouse.

"Thanks," she muttered without looking at him. She walked briskly to the bathroom and shut the door. Seizing the opportunity, Jax quickly changed out of his soaked clothes and discarded them to a nearby corner.

His stomach growled. Looking at the nearest clock he was shocked to see how late it was. Deciding that she was probably as hungry as he was, Jax went to find them food. Upon entering the kitchen, Jax immediately opened the industrial sized refrigerator seeking food to comfort his ever-increasing hunger. The refrigerator was practically empty. He highly doubted that Tara wanted to eat frozen peas…

Shutting the door, Jax walked towards the locker room and started looking through all of them. When he returned to the backroom, Tara was sitting crossed leg on the bed, her creamy legs were barely visible under his oversized shirt. Jax felt a tingle in his jeans…walking quickly towards the bed, he deposited his arms contents on the bed.

"So, we have Doritos, Twinkies, Devil Dogs…oh M&M's!" Jax said in a chirpy voice.

Tara looked at him, her eyes still puffy from all the previous crying. "Jax, you don't need to cheer me up. I could see it in your eyes. Something is also bothering you."

He climbed into bed and sat next to her.

"Gemma is marrying Clay." He sought her hand and interlaced their fingers.

Her hands fit perfectly with his.

"But you guys buried John not that long ago."

"Exactly. But it doesn't seem to matter to them," he whispered.

"But it matters to you." Sighing Tara rested her head against the wall and shut her eyes. "You know, at times, people are so selfish. They only think about their own happiness or their own pain, forgetting that there are others around them, who could equally be experiencing the emotions that they are feeling. Gemma getting married now isn't the most prudent thing. Even if Clay makes her happy, as your mother she should also consider that you need time to properly grieve John…" She paused before continuing. "How easily a parent could forget their own child's pain…"

"Is that why you were crying? Did he do something to you, Tara? Just tell me if he did. I swear to God, he will regret the day he was born if he touched you," Jax questioned angrily.

She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him. Putting her hands thru his wet hair, Tara pulled his head towards hers. When their lips finally connected, Jax felt her body give into his.

Her tongue sought entrance to his mouth and he willingly let her in. They kissed…slowly and tenderly, lost in each others embraced. Jax tangled his fingers thru her wet brown locks.

Like the first time, she was the first one to pull away. "You know Jax there are some scars that are beyond physical. At times I think that I prefer to be beaten up physically 100 times than being emotionally or verbally abused. Bruises fade Jax…words never do…"

"I will never hurt you, Tara." He pulled her towards him. Again they lost themselves in their passionate kiss. The more time they spent kissing, the more he wanted her. Wanted to feel her…wanted to love her.

Love?

His heart pounded in his chest. Pulling away, Jax looked into her eyes, his fingers still interwoven in her hair.

"Tara?" he whispered. He swore he could hear her fluttering heartbeat just like she probably heard his. Quietly they gazed into each other's eyes. Her mouth sought his once more. He enjoyed how their tongues danced to a slow rhythm. After a few minutes of absolute silence, the unexpected happen…

GRRRRROWLLLL….

Breaking apart, both teenagers laughed.

"Chow time?" giggled Tara.

Flashing her, his first smile of the day, Jax replied, "Ladies first."

Picking up the bag of Twinkies, Tara ripped the clear plastic and pulled out a Twinkie, giving Jax the bag afterwards. He took the remaining one and bit into it.

"Thanks, Jax. Thanks for everything."

Giving her a quick peak on the lips, Jax said, "You are welcomed." He wrapped one of his arms around her. Laying her head on his shoulder, Tara chewed the Twinkie.

"Jax?" she said after a while.

"Yeah?"

Looking up to meet his eyes, she whispered. "Happy Thanksgiving," before claiming his lips with hers once more.


	9. Chapter 9: Landslide

**Note: Hey everyone. This chapter took me a while to edit so please review/respond/fave story. I have been working hard on trying to figure out where to take this story. I don't want my story to sound like any of the others that are out there…By the way, check out some of the stories posted by numerous peers of mine. There are some amazing writers out there and let's show them love and support. As I was saying, I am trying to figure out where I want to end the story. I don't think it would be in the next couple of chapters, but I am looking for an end game.**

**Remember to check out the songs! These are amazing artists who make amazing music. For this chapter, I went old school. Stevie Nicks has some amazing songs out there…Check them out! I wish I could post some Spanish songs…Some Spanish songs capture the story of Jax and Tara so well, but I can't use them because of the language barrier…I might translate one...Who knows…**

**Again guys, you don't know how thankful I am for the reviews…Please keep reviewing and reading!**

**Until next week.**

**XOXO**

Chapter 9: Landslide

_I took my love and I took it down_

_I climbed a mountain and I turned around_

_And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills_

_'Till the landslide brought me down_

_Oh, mirror in the sky_

_What is love?_

_Can the child within my heart rise above?_

_Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides?_

_Can I handle the seasons of my life?..._

_Well, I've been afraid of changing_

_'Cause I, I built my life around you_

_But time makes you bolder_

_Children get older_

_I'm getting older too_

_I'm getting older too_

_So, take my love, take it down_

_Oh climb a mountain and turn around_

_If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills_

_Well the landslide will bring you down, down…_

-Fleetwood Mac "Landslide"

With a deep sigh, Tara set down her bags in front of the door and slipped the key into the lock. Not surprisingly, the locked turned immediately. Bracing herself for what was expecting for her on the other side of the door, Tara twisted the doorknob and pushed the door open.

_Jesus Christ._

The living room was a disaster. Clothes, empty liquor bottles, newspapers and old memorabilia made the room look like a tornado had passed thru the house; and Tara knew that the mess didn't end there.

Dragging her bags inside, Tara closed the door behind her. She found it difficult to maneuver her things around the chaos that had become her childhood home. After struggling for a couple of minutes, Tara was finally able to set her luggage into her former bedroom.

It was if the room had been frozen in time. Absolutely nothing had changed in the past ten years. Apparently, her father never entered the room after her calculated departure. Posters of Nirvana, Public Enemy and Madonna still decorated the walls. A thick layer of dust covered every surface of the room. Walking to the sole closet, she saw that the clothes she had left behind still hung from their designated hangers.

_Ten years and here I am._

Tara walked over to her neatly made bed and sat on it. Breathing deeply, she recalled the last time she lay in this bed.

It was about a week before she left for San Diego. She had started to sort out her things, picking and choosing what she was going to take with her. For hours, she cried while she packed her very few cherished belongings in one of the old suitcases her mother had collected over the years.

When she couldn't bare the weight of her decision any longer, out the front door she went and walked all the way to Teller-Morrow not caring about the smothering summer heat. By the time she got to the lot, the summer sun had tinted her pale skin and a thin layer of sweat covered every inch of her teenage body. She noticed all the bikes parked in their designated spot, black chrome shining in the Californian sun.

When she entered the clubhouse, she noticed that the boys were in church, the Chapel door shut tightly against any intruders. Without hesitation, she walked towards the back to Jax's room to find some sort of solace in one of the places that had become their refuge from the world. As she walked past the lingering croweaters, she still couldn't help the feelings of disgust she felt towards them. For three years, many of them tried to get in between her and Jax and of course they had Gemma's blessing in the beginning. They flaunted their nearly nude bodies, pressed against Jax whenever they thought she wasn't looking, taunting her to a breaking point. They did everything possible to break-up the relationship…then one day Tara snapped.

It was during one of those infamous Samcro parties. She had left Jax for ten minutes so she could accompany Donna to the restroom. When she came back, a bleached blonde croweater was running her hands thru his hair, a smug drunken smile plastered on his face.

One minute Tara was across the room, watching as the croweater tried to get into Jax's pants then the next minute, she was being pulled by Opie and Jax, the croweater's nose bleeding profusely and strands of the girls' hair clutched tightly in Tara's hands. Everyone looked at her in utter shock—Tara herself was shocked at her reaction.

Feeling claustrophobic, Tara decided to leave her father's home and take a walk around her childhood neighborhood.

_Cleaning could wait._

Stepping into the warm night, Tara vividly remembered that night when she attacked her first croweater.

Running out of the clubhouse into the dark March night, she ran until her legs couldn't take it anymore. It so happened that her running led her to Charming Gardens, an oasis of small gardens wrapped into one. She walked further into the gardens and sat by a bunch of lilies and rose bushes. The longer she sat the more her emotions started to overwhelm her. She remembered feeling conflicted with herself…

She didn't want to become some violent person who beat the crap out of people whenever things didn't go her way. On the other hand, she was tired of feeling unsure of her relationship with Jax. As his Old Lady, she should have some sort of respect when in regards to the clubhouse and the women that hung out there. So lost in thought was Tara that she didn't notice when he entered the gardens looking for her.

Sitting down next to her quietly, Jax sought out her hand.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to him while she stared at her black and white Converse.

Lifting her face so they could make eye contact, Jax said in a clear voice, "Tara, I am the one who is sorry." And with nothing else to say, he placed his lips over hers for a gentle kiss.

Tara continued walking. She knew where she would end up—the bleachers. During her teenager years, those bleachers came to symbolize something greater than just seats for students and parents. Those bleachers became her refuge in some sort of twisted way…her refuge whenever she was running away from her classmates and their judging eyes…her refuge whenever she couldn't handle her father's neglect and abuse…refuge when things between Jax and her got complicated…

Upon reaching her destination, Tara sat in one of the rows and looked past the track field…the night she hit that croweater, whose name she has long forgotten, was a turning point for her and Jax.

After he placed that soft, lingering kiss, he sought her eyes once more. After getting her silent approval, Jax laid her gently on the ground, kissing her while doing so. Their kiss intensified almost immediately, both desperate for one another. Breaking the kiss, Jax slowly trailed kissed down her collarbone while unbuttoning her shirt. When the task was completed, he raised his head so to look into her eyes…they burned with desire and love.

"Jax, we are in a public place," she had whispered to him, her heart pounding on her chest.

With a small smirk, Jax pushed one side of her bra down so to expose her nipple. Without a moment's hesitation, Jax closed his mouth over her small nub. Grazing lightly the nipple with his teeth, Jax used his other hand to reach behind her back and unhook her bra. Pulling his head away from her, Tara sat up and removed both her shirt and bra while Jax swiftly discarded his white t-shirt.

Tara ran her fingers thru her tangled thick hair. That night in the Gardens and what happened afterwards should had scared her into leaving Charming, but she stayed for another year and a half, slowly turning into an unrecognizable person.

She pulled him into a bruising kiss, desperate to feel him, her love for him absolute and true.

"Tara... Please touch me baby" he had whispered against her lips. Her hands had a mind of their own as they trailed down his very defined chest, down to his belt buckle.

The moon shone bright that night. When she finally freed his engorged member, she remembers looking at it with wonder and amazement before her lips wrapped around him. Even thinking about the events that had transpired that night was causing Tara to feel hot and bothered.

Jackson Teller was an amazing lover. He was unselfish and generous whenever he had made love to her. That night he had made love to her deep and slow, prolonging her pleasure as much as he could. He whispered his adoration while he moved slowly and gently within her.

Afterwards, they laid in the nude staring into the heavens both physically content.

"It scares me."

He turned to look at her as her face remained tightly pressed against his chest. "What does?"

"My love for you." After a few minutes of silence, Jax replied.

"And my love for you scares me too babe." Sighing deeply, Jax sat up and looked straight a head before he continued. "Tara, from the minute I wake up to right before I fall asleep, all I do is think of you. Think about what you are doing, of when will I see you, of what you are thinking. It drives me nuts whenever you aren't beside me. I make up excuses to go and see you. Whenever we are apart my body aches for you. I don't think I can't live without you Tara. Even the idea of it..." He stopped speaking suddenly and just stared into the unknown.

Tara knew what message he was trying to get across. Knew it instantly, because she felt the same way. How was it possible for a person to love another so wholeheartedly that death seemed like a welcome gift if it meant that the two were to be permanently apart? That night she knew that she would walk heaven and Earth and everything in between if it meant that she and Jax would be doing so together, as one.

She sat up behind him and started trailing small kisses against his bare back. "Baby, I know what you mean, because I feel it too. I want to spend every waking moment with you, in your arms. Jax, I would do anything for you. Absolutely anything for you. I love you baby."

The moon illuminated both of them. Jax turned so to look at her. "You would do anything?"

Tara nodded.

Having the sudden urge to move, Tara got up from the row of bleachers and walked towards the track.

Jax had maneuvered his bike so he could park it in front of the tattoo shop.

"A tattoo?"

Jax took off his helmet and placed it in one of the handles. Tara slowly dismounted the bike and waited for Jax to say something, anything. He swung one of his legs from the side of the bike and turned so he could look at her. He reached out his arms so she could easily step in between his legs. Nuzzling her neck, he replied, " you did say anything."

Without another word said, Tara pulled out of his arms and gently kissed his lips before walking into the shop, Jax following closely behind her.

Tara kicked a pebble out of her path. The track wasn't as well kept as it was during her teenage years. It needed painting as the faded burgundy looked old and worn small rocks scattered throughout the field.

The pain was unbearable. Every nerve in her back was literally on fire. As she straddled the chair, teeth clenched tightly she wondered what the hell was she thinking when she agreed to this. Just as quickly as those thoughts cross her mind, another thought replaced it...

_I love him. So much..._

Jax insisted in looking into her eyes while the tattoo artist finished his masterpiece. They burned with desire and love. They burned brightly...for her. She knew that the words he had muttered hours before were true... He loved her beyond measure just as she loved him.

When the tattoo artist finished, Tara slowly rose from the chair and walked to the nearest mirror to look at the crow. It was beautiful and simple, but it wasn't complete.

"You are missing something."

Both the tattoo artist and Jax looked as if she had grown two heads.

"There isn't anything missing. I have done this tattoo countless times, Tara."

Walking back to the chair, Tara straddled it and turned back and looked at Jax while she replied to the artist. "Property of Jax Teller. That's what's missing."

She remembered the effect that her words had on Jax…She felt the electricity of his body as he sat in front of her and stared deeply into her eyes while the artist finished his handiwork.

_How willingly I became his that night. _

Afterwards, they drove in silence to the nearest motel and proceeded to make love non-stop for three days straight, only stopping when hunger and fatigue made it impossible for them to continue on. They stared deeply into each other's eyes. For three days they talked about their future together and how much they loved one another. For the first time in her life, Tara felt complete…whole. For three days, she felt truly loved and safe. Lying in his masculine arms, she felt content and hopeful. Nothing was to break them apart because what they had was real and unbreakable.

When they finally joined the civilized world, Gemma, Clay and Derek wanted to kill the couple. For three days they had disappeared...when they rode into Teller-Morrow, Unser and their parents awaited for them, angry at the turn the relationship had taken. Her father dragged her back home and Derek proceeded to forbid his only daughter from seeing the biker Prince. Screamed that enough was enough, that he wouldn't allow for his only daughter to become a whore to the MC.

But no words said by Derek or Gemma could prevent what would transpire for over a year. Jax and Tara's relationship intensified after she got His mark. Nearly every night for a year, Jax and Tara fell into each others arms, a feeling of desperation plaguing them both. They couldn't stand to be apart for more than a couple of hours...her days revolved around him and his schedule. She insisted on accompanying him to as many runs as possible and he willingly obliged, to the dissatisfaction of his brothers. From Tacoma to Arizona, everyone knew of the teenage torrid love affair.

As the relationship came to a close, the love they felt for one another burnt brighter than when the relationship first started. The months before her departure was a mixture of endless fights and even more endless romps in the sheets. When they weren't doing one they were doing the other.

Tara changed directions and walked towards the grassy area of the field. The grass was incredibly overgrown. Choosing a spot, Tara sat and laid down to stare at the heavens. Millions of stars shone above her. For a moment in time, she felt small and insignificant compared to what was above her.

She knew why the night she got the crow significantly changed her life. Although at the time she knew that she loved Jax more than anyone, that night she allowed for that love to consume the essence of her being. That night all her reasoning disappeared as soon as the needle hit her bare back. She ceased to be Tara Knowles and became Jax Teller's Old Lady. Initially, she loved the idea of being his...of him owning every piece of her body, heart and soul.

The deeper she got involved with Jax and the MC lifestyle, the more she realized that she wanted more for herself...for him. She thought about how her mother lost herself in a man and how much that resentment drove her to end her life...and Tara didn't want that for herself.

So when things got unbearable for her, she allowed for her reasoning to take over. She packed her bags and allowed herself a week to cut all cords that had kept her in Charming.

So for a week she silently said goodbye to her one true love. She sought him... Demanded more of his time. Of course he was unaware of the reasons as to why she wanted to spend more time with him. He of course loved her undivided attention... He loved all those hours they spent making love...loved claiming her body as his.

Tara remembered the last time they made love.

They lay in bed in the nude. Slowly they kissed, savoring each others taste.

"I love you so Goddamn much..." He had whispered against her lips as her hovered above her, his bare penis waiting by her entrance.

She had spread her legs wider; reaching in between them, Tara grabbed him and slowly started to stroke his harden cock. She begged him, "Please baby... Make love to me."

He entered her slowly and gently. She had moaned in pure pleasure. And on and on they went all night long until he passed out sweaty and spent. As he slipped into a deep slumber, she stared at him as tears slipped freely down her cheeks.

Softly she kissed his lips and whispered, "I love you so much." She slipped out of bed and dressed quickly. A note she had written previously was laid in the pillow that was designated as hers. Laying one final kiss on his lips, she walked out of the room and out of his life.

She heard it before she saw it. The song of a crow. Sitting up quickly, Tara looked for the source of the noise. Black as night, a crow sat in one of the fences that separated the field from the bleachers. She stared at it as it stared at her.

A lightly breezing broke the momentary spell. Goosebumps spread all throughout her body. Slowly she rose and wiped the back of her jeans. She felt the penetrating eyes behind her...she heard the hard breathing. She felt him.

Turning slowly, Tara finally faced him.

His hair had grown…a beard stubble masked his young face. He had filled out nicely; the teenage boy who had stole her heart so many years ago had grown into a man.

His eyes were still radiant blue…electrifying and sensual. When they were younger, his eyes never lied to her and that mush hasn't changed. He looked amazed at what was standing in front of him. Breaking the spell that had transpired between them, in wonderment he asked, "Tara?"

Closing the bridge between them, Tara walked towards him, stopping only when he was a few feet away from her. "Hello, Jax."


	10. Chapter 10: Wicked Games

**Hey everyone! Apologies for the lack of updates—it has been a busy couple of weeks because of Hurricane Sandy, work and school. To my entire fellow East-Coasters, I hope your family/friends were not as affected as those in the Caribbean and if they were I hope you are able to return to your normal activities sooner rather than later.**

**SOA is almost done for the season! Time really does fly. Honestly, this season has not been my favorite. Too many storylines, too much violence…it seems rushed and forced. And of course there is not enough Jax and Tara loving… But KS is still an amazing storyteller and I cannot wait to see where he takes the characters.**

**On another note, thanks for all the positive feedback, it is highly appreciated. Please keep reviewing/following/favoring. It gives me great joy that so many of you are enjoying my story. I love receiving your feedback so please feel free to sending them.**

**Good news, the next chapter is being written. I hope to have it up in the next week or so. Finals are coming fast and furious so I'll make the best effort to have it done as quickly as possible. The next chapter is about what occurs after Jax and Tara see each other after ten years. It's truly heartbreaking. I'll try not to make it too sad. **

**Once again, thank you for all the support and please review!**

**Until next time! XOXO**

Chapter 10: Wicked Games

_The world was on fire, and no one could save me but you_

_It's strange what desire will make foolish people do_

_I never dreamed that I'd need somebody like you_

_I never dreamed that I'd know somebody like you_

_And I wanna fall in love_

_And I wanna fall in love with you_

_What a wicked game you play, you make me feel this way_

_What a wicked game thing to do, make me dream of you_

_What a wicked thing to say, never felt that way_

_What a wicked thing to do, make me dream of you…_

_My world was on fire, and no one could save me but you…_

-James Vincent McMorrow "Wicked Games" (originally sung by Chris Isaak)

Music blared all throughout the lot. Men in black kuttes toasted the night away while the women who kept them company tried to keep them in line, keeping the bloodshed and chaos at a bare minimum.

From atop the clubhouse, Jax observed the orderly disorder that was transpiring below, the whiskey and weed still lingering in his system. He tried to numb the pain away but it still burned within him, unrelenting and unforgiving.

In the palm of his hand, he held the last picture of them, together as one. How quickly things changed in the span of a couple of months. A year ago, he had everything…now he felt a shallow emptiness that seemed to consume him every minute of everyday. He was lost in every sense of the word.

Jax felt his presence even before laying eyes on him…he quickly put the picture away before it was spotted. Shortly afterwards, his friend stood towering over him, silently observing the future King of Samcro. Without a moment's hesitation, Opie handed Jax an old flask that he had nicked from Piney.

"Thanks," muttered the mourning prince.

Opie nodded. The air was tense between the life-long friends. Both had many thoughts running through their heads and none knew how to express their conflicting feelings. Although Opie was accustomed to giving his best friend and brother space whenever Jax needed it, it seemed like a long time since both were able to sit and have a long in-depth conversation about what was currently occurring in the young man's life. Ever since John died, Jax has been distant and moody and for the first time in their long friendship, Opie did not know how to reach out to his best friend and brother.

Breaking the silence, Jax stood and continued staring into the lot before questioning, "Where is all of this going, Op?"

Opie chose to remain sitting as he contemplated Jax's question. Pulling out a stolen packet of cigarettes, Opie lit up while choosing his words wisely so he could answer the conflicted boy standing in front of him.

"Honestly bro, I don't know." Standing so he could stand next to Jax, Opie held out his hand for the flask. "Things are changing Jax…Changing rapidly. All we ever known has changed. This shift could be good or bad for Samcro…"

Jax nodded while he turned to look at his best friend.

Pulling out a joint, Jax lit the little sucker up and took a long pull. Releasing the toxins from his lungs, Jax glanced down into the lot once more. It wasn't long before he was able to locate his mother with her long dark hair and bright blonde highlights. She was conversing with Tig when Clay came up behind her and whispered something into her ear. She laughed wholeheartedly and turned to give her lover a tender kiss on the lips.

Anger spread swiftly all throughout Jackson's body.

Opie felt the air intensify as Jax's strong shoulders tensed. Placing his hand on his best friend's shoulders, Opie tried to get Jax to relax his posture. "Jax, what's going on with you? Talk to me bro…"

Not knowing how to answer, Jax turned and sat back down. Taking another pull from the joint, he offered it to Opie while he gathered his thoughts.

"Op, nothing is what it once was. I know that change is inevitable. I know I can't live in the past, but how am I suppose to be okay with all of this shit?" Jax said while he waved his arm towards the lot.

"Yea, I get you but what else could happen?" Opie turned his eyes to look at the party that continued to rage on regardless of the conversation that was transpiring between the two old friends. "Clay had to rise to the gavel. Samcro needs a president not only to lead the club, but to serve as an example to the other charters." With conviction, Opie finished off…

"Clay is going to bring Samcro to the next level bro…he is good for the club. He is going to bring another level of integrity to the MC and by the time you and I patch in, Samcro is going to be untouchable. And when you and I sit as Prez and VP, this club will be ours."

Jax looked at his best friend. There was a time, when Opie quieted down all of his inner demons. Opie's silent conviction always gave Jax a peace of mind and comfort that no one could ever measure to. Opie's loyalty never wavered and that was one of the things he loved most about his best friend. Ever since they were kids, their friendship proved to be unbreakable. Since he lost both his dad and Tommy, Opie was one of the few people, besides his mother, whom he loved unconditionally but at the moment, he didn't need Opie's loyalty—he needed his understanding.

Putting out the joint, Jax stood and headed towards the ladder.

"Where you going?"

Jax looked at his friend for one last time before heading down.

"Forward, Op. I am moving forward."

Her back was turned against him, her breath coming out slowly and deeply. Her white creamy legs were barely covered by the Persian green sheets. She looked peaceful…angelic in every sense of the word.

As he pulled up the window to her bedroom, Jax felt a hint of guilt as he swiftly climbed thru the window. He didn't want to wake her but…he needed her.

The feelings of need and wanting almost stopped him from walking to her house from Teller-Morrow. Never in his life did he ever want someone as badly as he wanted Tara at the moment and it was irking the shit out of him. He was used to being alone and enjoying the company of nameless women who served their purpose as soon as he reached his orgasm. But with Tara it was different…she understood him…She understood how he felt in the basic of all levels and that fact alone allowed him to continue walking towards her house in the middle of the night. And that fact also allowed him to justify his breaking and entering…luckily her window was unlocked and it seemed like her father wasn't anywhere near the worn-down house.

As he looked around her room, he noted that she did not have any pictures of friends or family. Her walls were covered with a few small posters of musicians and famous paintings by Frida Kahlo and Salvador Dali…however, there weren't any traces of a young woman who had much company…quite the contrary, noted Jax.

Although she had a bookcase resting against one of her walls, there were books neatly placed all throughout the room. Jax suspected that Tara spent most of her time alone, using books as a mechanism to escape a life she did not necessarily love or enjoy. The room was a stark contrast to his, which was incredibly messy with Harley manuals thrown around and half-naked models looking down from his walls in a suggestive manner.

Walking towards her bed, Jax studied her sleeping form for a moment before kneeling in front of her and slowing stroking her face with his calloused fingers. A small moan escaped her lips.

"Tara?"

She slowly opened her eyes. Confusion quickly spread thru her face as she lifted her head from the pillow.

"Jax? What are you doing here?" She swiftly sat up and moved so to give him space to sit next to her.

His eyes trailed down towards her body. He felt a familiar heat spreading thru his body as he noticed what she was wearing to bed. Her perfect, full breasts were covered by a navy lacy looking camisole thing; her hair was tousled and her green-eyes looked darker than usual.

"Jax, what is wrong?"

He shouldn't have come. He needed to stay away from her. He was a fool to think that they could just be friends, who occasionally shared passionate kisses after having deep conversations about life. He was about to turn away and climb back out the window, when he felt her small hand on his arm.

"Don't go," she pleaded while her eyes connected with his.

His resolve crumbled. Moving so he could lay next to her, Jax laid his head on her now covered legs, the green sheet tucked safely around her waist. Her fingers found their way to his golden locks, and Tara slowly stroked his head, while she patiently waited for him to break the silence. Unlike earlier tonight with Opie, the silence that surrounded them wasn't heavy—it was peaceful. And Tara's company was doing what the alcohol and weed did not do before…with each stroke of her fingers, the anger slowly left his body.

Jax wasn't aware that he was falling asleep until her voice broke the spell that had taken over the room.

"Let me take off your shoes, at least. I know it must not be comfortable to sleep with your sneakers on." She shifted so to get up from her bed. When she stood, he saw that she was wearing the shortest pajama bottoms he had ever seen, her perfect ass barely covered by the thin fabric. Her hair fell softly around her shoulders as she moved around to accommodate him.

She motioned for him to sit up. When he did, she kneeled in front of him and quickly removed his white trademark sneakers and socks. Standing in front of him, she lean in and grabbed the hem of his sweatshirt…

Jax felt every muscle of his body stiffen at her touch.

Tara giggled. "I can imagine that most people don't sleep in their sweatshirts either, Teller. Lift your arms so I could take it off…unless you have some sort of body issue and you don't want me to see you shirtless…" her teasing voice lingered as her eyes danced in the moonlight.

Jax rose his arms and she slowly removed both the sweatshirt and t-shirt that covered his body. He heard the small gasp that escaped her lips.

"You are beautiful," she whispered as her fingers trailed across his defined chest. Jax wrapped his arms around her small waist. As their eyes connected, Jax pull her down towards him. Taking his hint, Tara straddled him and interwove one of her hands into his hair as she placed the other in his cheek.

They sat like that for a couple of minutes, staring into each others eyes before he placed his hands on both sides of her face and pull her face towards his. Like many times before their kiss was tender and passionate. Jax lightly pushed his tongue into her awaiting mouth. He used one of his arms to physically pull her closer as her legs automatically wrapped around his waist. He broke the kiss and looked into her darken green eyes.

He was painfully aware of his erection, as was she as a small blush spread throughout her cheeks.

"I don't know what this is, Jax, but I am not ready for that. Not just yet." The sincerity that plagued her eyes reached Jax to his soul. Very few people were completely honest with him, and when it came to sex, he wasn't one to wait…but with Tara everything was different in so many levels.

A small smile spread thru his lips. "It's okay, Tara. I didn't come here for that. I just needed to escape the lot for a bit, you know?"

She nodded, her eyes full of understanding. "If you don't mind me asking, why did you come here tonight?"

Pulling her closer to him, Jax rested his forehead against hers. "They got married today."

She gently stroked his hair. "I know, Jackson."

"I hate it that everyone seems to be moving on but me. I don't know how to handle this shit, Tara. It's so fucked up in so many levels. Dad dies and instead of honoring his legacy, Gemma gets married to his best fucking friend. How fucked up is that?" Anger radiated from him in waves.

Letting out a shaky breath, Jax motioned for Tara to get up. When she did, he immediately followed suit and walked towards the window as she sat, crossed legged in her bed, waiting for him to continue.

"What am I suppose to do, Tara? How can I live on with this hallow feeling inside me?" he whispered as he looked out to the unknown.

Tara stood and walked over to her small desk. She opened one of the small drawers and looked around for a bit until she found what she was looking for. Walking towards Jax, she held out her hand and gave him what she had concealed for years inside that drawer.

Jax looked at the picture. It was a picture of Madison and baby Tara. Both were looking at one another and both had a smile so genuine plastered in their faces that Jax felt his lips tug at the end. Tara was on a high chair, her face full of baby food and Madison's hand were cleaning her daughter's gleeful face. From that picture, he could tell that Tara adored her mother. Looking up, Jax noted that Tara was looking outside, a far away look in her eyes.

"People always say that things happen for a reason. For years, I wondered why she killed herself, Jax. Why didn't she fight for her life…for mine? I questioned the reason behind her decision to end it all…I made excuses for her. I blamed Derek. Blamed everyone under the sun, Jax. And to this day, I don't have an answer to my questions."

Suddenly, Tara turned and looked him right in the eyes.

"There is one thing I have come to realize, Jax. I didn't have a mother. She left me because she couldn't deal with her inner demons. She didn't care that her death would leave me alone without someone who would care for me. After her death, Derek stopped being a father. He prefers spending time with a bottle of whiskey than with his own flesh and blood. I don't have a family, Jax. And I have come to accept that. I live with it. But you, Jax, are a different story. You had a father. And from what you have told me, he was an amazing father, who loved you and your brother wholeheartedly. Treasure that. Remember him everyday for the man he was and honor his memory as much as you can. Don't let Gemma's wedding to Clay dim what John meant to you."

Her gaze was so intense, that Jax felt something click into place…something unexplainable. And for the first time since Thomas died, Jax felt utterly at peace.

Reaching out so to pull her close, Jax hugged her close to him. He inhaled her unique smell and for the first time in his life, he knew everything would be okay…just as long as she was standing besides him.

Tara pulled away and placed a small kiss on his lips before pulling him towards her bed. Jax pulled away and walked towards where his clothes laid on the ground. He searched for the picture that he had tucked away when Opie made his presence known in the roof at the lot.

Tara waited for him patiently as he placed the picture in her nightstand. She made herself comfortable in her bed and watched him swiftly remove his jeans and move towards her. Moving aside so he could lay next to her, Jax climbed into her bed and wrapped his arm around her so she could lay her head in the crook of his arm. Reaching for the picture, he placed it so both of them could stare at it. Thomas and he were sitting in John's lap as Gemma looked on at her happy family. All four of them had genuine smiles on their face.

"It was taken six months before Thomas got incredibly sick…six months before everything completely and utterly changed," he whispered.

Tara cuddled closer to him. With her delicate forefinger she stroked his beautiful chin and whispered, "tell me more about them."

And for hours they spoke about those people in their lives who would forever shape them into the persons they would become. They spoke until the sun rose in the horizon and sleep covered them like a blanket…with their arms wrapped around one another.


	11. Chapter 11: Just A Fool

**Hey guys! Sorry for the lack of updates…Holidays, work, and school has kept me pretty busy. Another thing, when season 5 ended of SOA, I was fucking pissed off. Poor Tara….All the bad shit always happens to her (and Opie, before his character got killed off). As much as I love Katey S., I was fucking pissed off at Gemma (if she ratted out Tara). Her obsession with her son is borderline incestuous and unhealthy. I have said it in the past, I really hope Tara and Jax get their happy ending but I highly doubt that. I have a feeling that Kurt will either kill her off or one of the babies…Jax, I am pretty sure, will die in the end. Maybe he will die in order to save his sons from repeating his mistakes. And I hope Gemma doesn't die…The worst thing that could happen to her is if Tara leaves Charming, with the boys, leaving Gemma all alone… enough of my rant. **

**So here is chapter eleven. This one was tough for me to write. I wanted to capture the angst and pain of the reunion but I still had to stay true to the story that Kurt S. has so masterfully written and created. Personally, I don't see Tara being a criminal when she was a teenager; I think she was rebellious whenever she was with Jax but never a criminal. Also, I don't think that Tara kept in touch with anyone when she left Charming. A good example would be, that she did not seem to be too upset when Donna died, hence, I don't think there was any communication between both women after Tara left. In my humble opinion, when Tara left Charming, she wanted a clean break from the small, incestuous town, even if it meant leaving Jax and her friends behind. **

**March is here and I will try to update as much as possible, but I am writing a Master's Thesis SOOO, we shall see….September needs to get here ASAP. I am so frighten to see where Jax and Tara's relationship will go…I really hope she gets out from jail and back to her boys…And I hope Gemma and Clay gets theirs…lol.**

**Please review and respond.**

**XOXO.**

Chapter 11: Just a Fool

_Another shot of whiskey please bartender_

_Keep it coming til I don't remember at all_

_How bad it hurts when you're gone (no no no no)_

_Turn the music up a little bit louder_

_Just gotta get past the midnight hour (uh huh)_

_Maybe tomorrow it won't be this hard_

_Who am I kidding?_

_I know what I'm missing_

_Oh, I had my heart set on you_

_But nothing else hurts like you do_

_Who knew that love was so cruel (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_And I waited and waited so long_

_For someone who'll never come home_

_It's my fault to think you'd be true (yeah, yeah)_

_I'm just a fool_

_(Yeah)_

_[Blake Shelton]_

_I say that I don't care_

_And walk away whatever_

_And I tell myself we were bad together (uh huh)_

_But that's just me trying to move on without you_

_But who am I kidding?_

_I know what I'm missing_

_I, I had my heart set on you_

_But nothing else hurts like you do_

_Who knew that love was so cruel (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_And I waited and waited so long_

_For someone who'll never come home_

_It's my fault to think you'd be true (yeah, yeah)_

_I'm just a fool_

-Christina Aguilera feat. Blake Shelton "Just a Fool"

Tara placed her shaky hands above her heart.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

The rhythmic sound reached her ears.

_Thump. Thump. Thump…Just breathe._

Tara walked into her kitchen, her shaking hands firmly pressed against her chest. Flickering on the lights, she looked around the room…

Like the rest of the house, every layer was covered in dust and the walls needed a good paint job. Although she paid the monthly utilities bill since her father's death, she never thought of paying someone to look after her childhood home. She never thought she would be back to the house she once hated with so much passion thus she did not deem it necessary to pay someone for the upkeep of the house. As of lately, all of her poor decisions seem to be stacking up on her.

Walking towards the refrigerator, Tara opened its white door and noted that there was a solitary, half empty bottle of Jameson occupying one of the shelves of the old, but still functional refrigerator. Slamming the door shut, Tara walked towards the sink, noting the piles of dishes that needed washing, the smell of filth infiltrating her nostrils.

_Just what I fucking need…_

Tara slid down the floor and placed her face in her delicate hands. She let her mind wander freely to the events that had transpired moments before.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

He was as shocked as she was, Tara could tell from the look on his face; his disbelief was pure and honest. She knew that eventually they would run into each other. Charming was a small town and running into Jax would be inevitable, however, she had not anticipated running into him within hours of her return. In fact, she hoped that she would not encounter him for days, even weeks after her resettlement in Charming. She wanted…needed those extra days to mentally prepared for their reunion, but life always had a way of fucking up ones' plans and that's exactly what happened back in the bleachers.

"**Tara?" he questioned, the disbelief evident in his tone. He briefly paled as he moved closer to her. **

**As he moved closer, her heart started hammering against her chest. For the first time in her life, Tara honestly did not know what course of action to take. Jax stopped walking when they were inches apart. Not knowing what to do with her gaze, Tara decided that looking at the ground was better than looking into the eyes of the man she still loved. **

**The wind blew lightly. Her hair fluttered all over her face protecting her from his gaze. She felt his fingers brushing away the hair from her face as she let out a shaky and unsteady breath. **

_Just breathe…Thump. Thump. Thump…Just breathe._

**She was a coward. For over a decade, nearly every thought that occupied her mind was of Jackson Teller and there he was standing in front of her and she couldn't even muster the courage to look at him in the face. **

There was a quick rap at her door. With shaky legs, Tara stood and walked towards the front of her childhood home. Fearing what awaited for her on the other side, Tara hesitantly opened her front door.

He stood there, fully uniformed, with a huge smile firmly placed on his face, his eyes dancing with pure glee. She couldn't help it. Feeling incredibly overwhelmed, for the first time in months, she allowed for the tears to flow freely.

He immediately wrapped his arms around her as soon as the sobs escaped her lips. Shutting the door behind him, David walked her towards her couch as she continued to cry on his chest.

For minutes, she released her frustrations onto his chest, soaking his firmly pressed uniform shirt with tears as he rubbed her back, trying, unsuccessfully to calm her down.

When her sobs subsided, minutes later, David gently asked, "Tara, what's wrong? Did something happen?"

"Everything is wrong, David…everything," she whispered.

**She felt his fingers on her chin. A chill ran down her spine. He lifted her face so she could look at him but she simply couldn't muster the courage. She simply couldn't.**

"**Tara, please look at me," he pleaded. Taking a deep breath, she lifted her gaze so to stare into his baby blue orbs.**

**He was looking at her with pure wonderment. "You are really here…" his voice trailed on.**

"**Yea, Jax…I am," she replied softly. **

"Tell me, Tara."

Ever since high school, David has tried to be there for her as much as he could. Tara knew that at times, it was difficult for him to set aside his prejudices aside and not judge her whenever Jax and she did something outrageous or against the law. But with everything said and done, David never gave up on her and her potential, even when she sunk deep into the MC life and Jax. Tara knew that he always believed in her…would always believe in her and for that she would forever be grateful.

"Tara?"

Sighing deeply, Tara looked up and repeated, "what isn't wrong, David?" Pausing before continuing, "I thought I could come back here and put everything in some sort of box. Thought that the past could remain in the past; that old ghosts wouldn't haunt me, so to speak. How stupid the notion? For ten years, I ran away from this small town to come back to what? A house full of painful memories…"

David wiped away her tears with his soft thumbs. "What happened?"

Tara pulled away and lean her head against the back of the couch. She felt David's piercing stare but she kept staring above towards the faded, cracked ceiling.

**His hands felt warm against her face…warm and rough. Another small shiver ran down her back as he cupped her cheek with those calloused fingers. She leaned in her face towards that hand…she allowed for her eyes to drift shut.**

She felt the tears trickling down her cheeks once again. He quickly wiped them down with his thumbs as he whispered, "Tara." He pulled her to his chest while stroking her hair softly.

"When did things get so messed up David?" she sobbed.

"Please tell me what happened," he pleaded. After a moments pause, he broke the silence with one simple question. "It was Jax, wasn't it?" he muttered as his lips briefly brushed up against her crown.

"**Tara," he whispered. She slowly opened her eyes and lifted her gaze. His features were the same. His beard was longer…so were his long locks. He looked older…wiser. His eyes so purely blue were the same color, however, something had changed in his gaze…Tara knew that he had seen things that most people had not seen in their lifetime. Ten years had passed since she last saw him and she knew he was a completely different man from the one she left behind a decade ago. **

**He was different. She was different. Yet, with his hand stroking her cheek, she felt completely at home…as if no time had passed between them.**

"Tara?"

She looked up to meet his gaze. His eyes were so blue. It still surprised her how blue they were…she always loved the color of his eyes but like in high school, she knew that David still saw the world in black and white…right or wrong…no room for the in-betweens.

Jax, on the other hand, lived in the ambiguous. It was one of things that attracted her to him. He knew the whole spectrum of the rainbow called pain. Both of them had lost so much before they became what they became…but once they came together, they gained so much. They had gained a love so pure that it consumed them.

Seeing him at the bleachers reminded her of the passion they once shared…of the absolute passion, which consumed them both so wholeheartedly at such a young age. When he touched her cheek, her body started recalling how it felt to be with him. For ten years, she yearned for his kind of love and when she felt his hand on her face, she yearned for it even more.

But he had changed and so had she…ten years and a million of decisions stood in between them.

"**You came back…" Tara glanced up and locked her gaze with his. His gaze always entrapped her…holding her prisoner whenever he looked at her. **

**She placed her hand above his as he continued to hold onto her cheek. **

"**Jax," she whispered. He leaned forward. He placed his other hand on her other cheek. Mimicking her earlier act, Tara placed her remaining hand above his. Forward he kept leaning until their foreheads touched.**

"**You are here…really here," he whispered as his thumbs stroked her cheeks.**

Tears burned in her eyes…she shut her green orbs with the hopes of pushing the threatening tears back into their aqueducts…she lost that battle.

With his perfectly manicured hands, David continued to wipe away her tears.

**Tara did not know how long they stood with their foreheads pressed together. It could had been seconds, minutes or even hours for all she knew… all that mattered was that he was there with her, holding her like he used to in their younger years and for the first time in years, she felt truly safe. Chicago seemed to suddenly fade away. **

**She couldn't recall who pulled away first… all she remembers is how right the moment felt, standing there with him. **

**Looking into each other's eyes, it was he who broke the silence first. With his hands firmly placed on her cheeks, he gently asked, "how have you been, babe?"**

**Babe…a term of endearment that still made her stomach flutter whenever he said it even after all the years that passed.**

**Tara pulled further away, stepping slightly away from his intimate touch. His eyes still held her gaze as he dropped his hands to his sides. He was as nervous as she felt due to the fact that he shoved his hands in his jeans' pockets, a trait Tara learned early on, that meant he was uneasy about a situation at hand. **

**At that moment she knew she was going to lie to him. She couldn't tell him how broken she had been for the past ten years. She couldn't tell him about the faceless men she slept with during her college years so to forget his face. She couldn't tell him about Kohn and the living nightmare her life had become as soon as the ATF agent entered her life. She couldn't tell him about the abortion or the rape. She couldn't tell him how much she regretted leaving Charming; how much she regretted not fighting for them when the cards stacked up against their relationship. With all the strength she could muster, she answered, "I am well, Jax." And with that said, her gaze fell to the kutte that ordained his muscular body. **_**V. President**_**. Jax was VP of the club she despised so much. She always knew that he would eventually take over the MC, however, parts of her still hoped that he wouldn't be the same man whom was incredibly loyal to the club that his deceased father founded decades ago. An unexplainable anger and sorrow spread thru her body. **

**She allowed for her memory to wander to a happier time in their relationship. Jax had been prospecting for nearly two years. Their relationship was solid. It wasn't perfect and they had their fair amount of arguments and fights but nevertheless, they were a unified pair. **

**Tara's home life was shit, she fought constantly with the many women who sought Jax's attention. The only two things that mattered to her were Jax and school. When he patched in, she was elated…not for her benefit, but for his. She knew how much that patch and kutte meant to him. She knew how much it meant to him to carry on John's legacy.**

**As she continued to stare at that kutte that eventually came in between their love, Tara couldn't help but remember Jax's patch-in party. Hundreds of Sons came into Charming. Booze and weed was at abundance; crow-eaters satisfied members' non-stop in various places throughout the lot and music blared thru multiple speakers. Drunk and happy, Jax wouldn't let go of her the whole night.**

"_**I want you by my side, babe," he had whispered to her at one point.**_

"_**Always," she had muttered against his lips as she wrapped her arms around his waist. **_

_**When they broke apart, Jax looked deeply into her eyes and with conviction stated, "you and I, babe…we are the endgame. I shall be King and you will be my Queen. Together, we are going to rule the Sons. Tonight is just not my night…it's yours…it's ours. You and me, forever babe."**_

**That night, Jax locked them inside his room in TM. Drunk and in love, Tara laid beneath him as he repeatedly stretched her walls and brought her to unexplainable heights of pleasure. Over and over they made love, often screaming their declarations of love to one another not caring if they could be overheard over the music that blared all throughout the clubhouse. **

**But that was a lifetime ago and Tara forced herself to remain in the present as she continued to stare at that God-forsaken kutte that gradually destroyed her relationship with Jax.**

"Tara?" he whispered against her crown.

She looked up. Again she looked into those blue eyes of his. He gave her a sad smile as he waited for her to continue.

Sighing Tara, stood up from the couch and held out her hand. "Come on David, let's go for a ride..."

Her eyes watered a bit as he pulled her closer. He heard her gag but honestly, he couldn't care less. As the good crow-eater that she was, she continued to take him deep in her mouth as he tightens his grip on her hair.

He felt himself getting closer to the edge. The closer he got the more erratically he moved his hips. His eyes drifted to a closed… he heard her before he saw her…heard her laughter…heard her voice when she would speak to him in a quiet voice…heard her moans…

_Fucking Tara Knowles._

He allowed for his eyes to snap open. He glanced down at the blonde crow-eater.

_Almost there…_

He continued to thrust into the crow-eaters mouth until he reached his finale. Pulling his pants up, Jax zipped up and walked towards the door of the apartment. With a brief nod of his head, he dismissed the crow-eater and walked towards the front of the clubhouse where the rest of his brothers lounged.

"Ahhh, Prince Charming emerges..." smirked Chibs.

Walking behind the bar, Jax grabbed the nearest bottle of whiskey. Opening the bottle, he took a long pull, as Juice whistled…

"Damn, the blow-job was that bad?" joked Tig.

Slamming the bottle down on the bar, "fuck off…all of you," he muttered before walking towards the exit, the anger radiating out of him in waves.

Walking towards his Dyna, Jax swung his legs to straddle the bike. Strapping on his helmet, Jax revved up his bike and rode out of TM.

As he rode out into the unknown, he allowed for his emotions to over power him. Pure anger consumed him.

He tried to get rid of the anger back in the clubhouse, but that failed miserably. In the past ten years, sex would always be his answer for whenever he felt any sort of deep emotion he did not want to publically convey or privately confront. With sex he was able to shut out all sorts of emotions and memories until all that mattered was his sexual release. But even now, a blowjob by a faceless crow-eater could not block from his mind what had occurred in the bleachers.

**She was still breathtakingly beautiful. Her hair was longer…fuller. Her skin was pale as ever and her eyes greener than what he remembered. The moment he stroked her cheek, an unexplainable desire to kiss her lips overtook him. It took all of his willpower to not reach out and grab her and kiss her full lips. **

**When she pulled away from him, he felt a part of him shatter once again, just like when she left him alone that night ten years ago. **

**While he was holding on to her cheeks, she briefly allowed for her defenses to slip. With their gazes locked together, he saw something brewing behind those beautiful green eyes of hers; something unexplainable. He knew, deep down in his soul, that whatever reasons brought her back to Charming were big, but like everything Tara, he knew not to push her or she would close down in a blink of an eye, shutting him out and not letting him in, and he knew he wouldn't be able to handle not being part of her life once again. So instead of asking her what was wrong, he kept it safe and asked, "how you been, babe?" feeling like an absolutely idiot as soon as the words escaped his mouth. **

**After her brief reply, her eyes travelled freely to his worn out kutte. He saw the anger that crossed her eyes for a brief second when she noticed the **_**V. President**_** patch that was so masterfully sowed in by Gemma when he became Vice President of Samcro.**

He kept riding throughout Charming, the anger still running thru his veins.

_How in the hell did you fuck this up, Teller?_

He knew Tara blamed Samcro and Gemma for the demise of their relationship. Saw it in her eyes the moment she saw the V. President patch…He also saw it ten years ago, right before she left Charming.

For months, Tara begged him to leave with her to San Diego. Over and over, she promised to love him regardless of what type of life they lived away from Charming. "We will have each other, baby. Nothing else will matter once we leave. It will just be us, together, forever, like you promised that night you patched in. Please leave with me. Leave all of this violence behind. Please, baby, " she pleaded with him as the tears ran freely during one of their nastier arguments. But Jax wouldn't budge, his resolve strengthening the deeper he got into gun running with Samcro. How could he leave his brothers behind, when they were in deep with the Irish and the war with the Mayans escalading quickly around them?

After a while, Tara stopped asking him to leave and he thought that she moved past her desires to leave Charming and get an education. He failed to see that just like his resolve to remain in Charming strengthen so did her desires to escape. He failed to notice that he slowly starting losing her once he picked to remain in Charming instead of leaving her. By the time he noticed, she was long gone.

He continued riding. For ten years, she left this vacuum inside of him; a deep hole that no one could ever fill up. Not Wendy or any of the women he took to his bed on a daily basis.

Tara's last night in Charming should had tipped him off that something was wrong; he should have known that she was going to leave. She came to the clubhouse, a wild look in her eyes. He noticed that they were red; he knew that she had been crying but like many instances he chalked it up to their most recent argument. She practically dragged him to his room in the clubhouse and torn the clothes of his body. He felt her desperation; he felt her shaking but he quickly quiet down the lingering worry that plagued his mind that night. Naked and hungry to bury himself within her, her eyes stopped him from entering her rapidly. With her fingers tangled with his hair, she looked at him with her soul-crushing green eyes. He saw the midst behind them; her lips trembled. "Jax, please, just love me," she whispered. So, he entered her slowly and made love to her passionately, while never breaking his gaze from hers. When they both came, Tara held his face and simply stated, "never forget that I love you. I will always love you, baby," a solitary tear escaping those beautiful eyes he loved so much. Content with her declaration, Jax allowed the fatigue to overcome his body, as he held her close to his chest. Hours later, he woke up to an empty bed and a letter written by Tara, explaining that she had to leave Charming, with or without him.

He loved long rides because they allowed for him to clear his mind. However, the longer he rode out to the unknown, the angrier he became at how fucked up things were in his life. He steered his bike to the clearing he and Tara use to use as a refuge whenever they needed to get away from Charming, their parents and Samcro. Upon reaching his destination, Jax parked his Dyna and strolled towards the tree that witness many of his happier moments and saddest ones as well. Sitting down, Jax closed his eyes and let his mind wander…

After Tara left, he lost count to know many times he came to this exact place with a bottle of whiskey, drowning his sorrows in liquor. Whenever the sobs overtook his body, he would lie down and stare at the heavens, wishing that he would have had fought for her harder. Instead of accusing her of not loving him enough to remain behind while he fulfilled his legacy, he should have declared his love for her and made her see how much he needed her. Before her, his life was a blur of pain and disappointment. When she entered his life, it was like he saw things clearly for the first time. When she left, he lived in autopilot; he became a shell of the teenage boy that she fell in love with. He became harder…he lived constantly on the edge. Everyone noticed that he wasn't the same. The club became his first and only priority, a fact that elated both his brothers and his mother.

Then Wendy came into the picture. He knew she was broken but still he toyed with her emotions; dragged her thru the mud. He knew what she wanted from him but how could give his heart away when it was still broken? How could he give himself completely to another woman, when Tara still held parts of his soul in the palm of her hands?

_Fucking Tara Knowles._

"**So, how are things with you, Jax?" she asked. The wind blew lightly, making her hair flutter all over her face. Taking one of her delicate hands, she pushed her hair back, waiting for his reply. How he loved to kiss those hands whenever their fingers were intertwined. **

**He felt the small smile spreading thru his lips. "Aw, babe, you know…same old, same old. Things don't change much around here."**

**She tilted her head slight to the right, as her eyes briefly moved towards his kutte, "yet, so many things do change, Jax. Congrats on being VP," she said softly as her eyes travelled back to meet his. "Its everything you ever wanted, isn't it?" she whispered with conviction and slight tone of resentment, perhaps.**

**He should have told her right then and there, that for the past ten years all he ever wanted was standing right in front of him. But her eyes stopped him. There was a cold glint in them, which was missing moments before. **

"**Yea, I guess, Tara." Pausing for a moment, he couldn't stop himself from asking, "did you get whatever you were searching for outside of Charming?"**

**There was another change in her eyes. It was slight but it was there. What he noticed made his stomach turn. Fear lingered behind those eyes before she quickly recovered and put up one of those walls to protect whatever truth she was hiding. She smiled up at him when she answered, "actually, I did Jax. I am a doctor. Worked my ass off in San Diego, then in Chicago in order to become a neonatal surgeon. God, there were days, where I didn't even step outside, just studying, you know. But God, it was worth it. Being able to help babies, when there isn't much hope left for them. It's the most amazing feeling Jax."**

Her happiness elated him. Her face lit up when she was talking about helping others. The irony of the whole situation did not escape him though…She saved lives on a daily basis while his actions ended them.

They had truly grown up to be two different people.

**When she started walking towards the track, he knew he would follow her. Catching up with in a few short strides, they walked in silence, so many questions lingering between them. **

"**When he died, I thought you would come back."**

**Tara just snorted at his comment. "While I was gone, he only contacted me whenever he needed money to buy booze. The father I knew, died when Madison killed herself, Jax. Derek was just a body walking and waiting for death to come to him."**

**Jax nodded. He couldn't tell her about all the times, he would walk into one of the bars in Lodi, to find Derek in a drunken haze, mumbling to himself. Jax couldn't confess that in those instances, he would sit next to the man that made his relationship with Tara difficult. How they shared endless bottles of whiskey, both mourning their long lost loves not a word muttered between the two, both coming to a silent agreement not to discuss how broken they were without their significant others. Jax would never admit to her how he found solace in her only remaining living relative. **

When Derek died, the man's will left everything to his only daughter. He also asked to be buried next to his wife. As Skeeter lowered the casket to the ground, Jax waited around to see if Tara would make an appearance to her father's burial, but she never did. It was just Jax, Skeeter and the cold man being lowered to the ground. Afterwards, Jax gave Skeeter a couple of hundreds and a promise to send a crow-eater to his place, just so he could keep his mouth shut.

"**Are you married? Any little Tara juniors running around?," he asked, dreading the answer.**

**She wrapped her arms around herself, looking slightly uncomfortable for a brief moment.**

"**Oh, I didn't mean to intrude. Shit, man. Don't answer that if you don't want to."**

**She stopped walking. Turning around so she could look straight into his eyes, she answered "no. No, to both your questions, Jax." **

How relieved he felt as soon as she answered both questions. For years, he believed that she moved on from him…to someone better, who could offer her the life she so desperately wanted outside of Charming. But there she was in front of him, so close for him to claim as his once more. Until…

"**How about you?"**

**His silence was a give away. They stared at each other and he knew that she knew. It was the way she quickly shut down. It was jarring. The brief moments of openness that had occurred moments before were now long gone. With a brief nod of her head, Tara turned and started rapidly walking away as she said, " I got to go. Bye Jax."**

"**TARA!"**

**She didn't even turn back as he called out her name. **

Since then anger course thru his veins…Anger for getting his hopes up. For a moment he thought they could back to what they once were…but they were beyond that. She was a doctor, while he was a biker. Two worlds that were never meant to co-exist.

But his heart felt like it was shattering to pieces once more and for the first time in a long time, he let the tears flow freely as he wished that his choices would have led him in another path—one that would had allowed him to follow her out of Charming, ten years ago.


	12. Chapter 12: Not With Haste

Hey guys. Another month, another chapter. Good news! Since I am done with school, there will be more updates. Thanks, to all the loyal readers and reviewers. Your input has been extraordinary and I really appreciate it.

So here is another flashback chapter. In the previous chapter, I started exploring the dynamics of Jax, Tara, and David. I thought it was pretty obvious that David had some sort of unresolved feelings for Tara in the first two seasons of SOA. In my previous chapters, teenage Tara did not really consider David to be a friend, however, she did appreciate his kindness towards her. In this chapter, I tried to piece together how and when their relationship changed and why. I also explored how this affected Tara's ongoing relationship with Jax thus bringing the Jax/David rivalry to another level. I also explored playboy Jax.

Hope you guys enjoy :).

XOXO

Chapter 12: Not With Haste

Your eyes they tie me down so hard

I'll never learn to put up a guard

So keep my love, my candle bright

Learn me hard, oh learn me right

This ain't no sham

I am what I am

Though I may speak some tongue of old

Or even spit out some holy word

I have no strength from which to speak

When you sit me down, and see I'm weak

We will run and scream

You will dance with me

They'll fulfill our dreams and we'll be free

And we will be who we are

And they'll heal our scars

Sadness will be far away

So as we walked through fields of green

Was the fairest sun I'd ever seen

And I was broke, I was on my knees

And you said yes as I said please

This ain't no sham

I am what I am

I leave no time

For a cynic's mind

We will run and scream

You will dance with me

Fulfill our dreams and we'll be free

We will be who we are

And they'll heal our scars

Sadness will be far away

Do not let my fickle flesh go to waste

As it keeps my heart and soul in its place

And I will love with urgency but not with haste

- Mumford and Sons "Not With Haste"

The air was incredibly nippy. The frost of the holidays continued into January and as Tara exited her home, she wrapped her light coat tighter to her body. As she walked passed her father's Cutlass, she wondered if Charming PD would really care if she stole the car and drove it to school, even though she did not have her permit. Maybe Unser wouldn't care, but she knew that Derek would flip if his only daughter drove his precious car.

Walking briskly against the wind, Tara continued walking so to make the thirty-minute walk to Charming High on record time. So to not think about the cold and the brutal walk that lay ahead of her, Tara allowed for her thoughts to wander to her past and the last couple of weeks.

As a child, Tara loved the holidays. Now the holidays were a painful reminder of the "what could have beens?" If Madison were alive, Tara's life would have been completely different. Misery wouldn't have plagued both Derek and she.

Christmas Eve and New Years Eve were pretty uneventful. On Christmas Eve, she spent the night watching old Christmas movies while drinking eggnog. She didn't know where her father spent the night, but considering his history, she knew he was in one of the bars of Lodi, maybe even Stockton. So, when she awoke on Christmas morning, instead of opening presents, she spent most part of the morning cleaning vomit and piss, while her father slept off his hangover in the living room couch. When he woke up, he merely ignored her, not even wishing her a Merry Christmas or offering her some sort of affection. Tara spent the rest of the day reading in her room and planning for the New Year.

New Years Eve was basically the same. She watched the ball drop from the old TV in the living room and went to sleep by 12:30. Her father didn't even show up until three days later, coming back meaner than ever after a three day binge. When he arrived, he yelled for all that he was worth for, calling her every horrible name possible. When Tara did not react to his insults, he grabbed her shoulders and starting shaking her. It wasn't until Tara cried out that Derek seemed to snap into his senses and released his grip. Tara locked herself in her room and didn't emerge for a whole day. It was when the hunger became unbearable that she decided to leave the solace of her room.

But that was two weeks ago, and a new semester loomed in the horizon. All she had to do was focus on school and stay out of Derek's way.

Walking for another fifteen minutes, Tara finally reached Charming High.

Given the new academic year, there was a small part of Tara that hoped for some form of change, but like all small towns, things rarely changed. Like always, students lounged all over the student parking lot, smoking cigarettes while chitchatting about how great the holidays were for them and how they hated coming back to school after such a great break. Nearly everyone but a few kids had their own form of transportation so the cold air didn't seem to bother those who drove to school. For Tara, the cold was getting unbearable, so she rushed inside without giving much of her classmates a glance.

Walking towards her locker, she couldn't help but to think of Jax. Since the night they shared those childhood memories, things between them were pretty much the same. There were nights when he would crawl thru her window and lay next to her, silent and withdrawn. During those nights, she would just lay her head against his chest and allow for his heartbeat to sing her to sleep as he stroked her hair. When she would wake right before dawn, he would whisper "thank you" and climb out into the winter mist.

Other nights, Jax would come in and hungrily kiss her, a source of unexplainable passion stemming between the two. They would kiss for hours, slowing allowing for their hands to explore one another. Nothing but heavy petting would transpire but Tara felt her resolve weakening at a rapid pace. Jackson Teller was a sexual force to be reckoned with. But their strange relationship remained behind closed door. No one was aware that she and Jax even spoke to one another and that fact was starting to unnerve her.

Reaching her locker, Tara removed the necessary books that she needed for her morning classes. Charming High had a weird policy of switching around classes and teachers during the spring semester so each student could have an "equal opportunity" to excel in different learning environments or some bullshit like that. What that meant was that Tara would have new teachers and new classmates in all of her classes, even though she knew these people since she was a toddler.

Closing her locker, Tara walked quickly to her first class, math, knowing that she would probably be the first to arrive. Reaching the classroom, she settled to sit in the second row, where most of her classmates would surely ignore her, like they always did, and where the teacher wouldn't have the sudden urge to pick on her whenever the class dragged on.

After a couple of silent minutes, students slowly started trickling into the classroom, choosing to sit near friends. Although the classroom filled up pretty quickly, the seats immediately around her remained unoccupied.

"Hey, Tara."

Looking up, she noted that David stood next to her seat, the book bag strap cutting into his right shoulder.

Giving him a small polite smile, Tara answered, "hey David."

Taking her greeting as a form of opportunity, David took the seat immediately to her right. Twirling her pencil between her fingers, Tara continued to stare down at her notebook, waiting for the teacher to start class.

"How were the holidays?" David asked excitedly.

"Nothing exciting. It was just me and Dad," Tara answered as she turned to look at him.

David nodded, a small smile tugging at the edge of his lips.

It was a New Year.

_Why the fuck not?_

She returned the smile.

Just as David leaned in towards her and opened his mouth to say something, Jax strolled into the classroom, with Opie at his heels. The atmosphere changed immediately. Multiple girls started pathetically giggling and calling out his name, trying to catch Jax's attention. But only one girl had his attention and it was Tara.

He noted how Hale had moved his desk closer to hers and was leaning in to say something. It was probably something stupid, but Jax did not like how close Hale was to Tara or the fact that she had a small smile on the face. Didn't like it at all.

Walking purposely to where Tara sat, Jax interrupted their one-sided conversation when he asked, "is this seat taken?" and without waiting for a reply, he sat immediately to Tara's left, to the surprise of everyone in the room. Opie's eyebrows shot up to his hairline and Hale looked at him all wide-eyed. Tara glanced at Jax and then looked straight ahead like if nothing was out of the ordinary. Like the good friend that he was, Opie immediately sat behind Jax, not accustomed to these new seating arrangements since he and Jax always sat in the back where they could goof off and flirt with girls.

Hale and Jax continued to glare at one another, neither willing to give in to the other.

By the end of the day, the cold weather had turned to a complete fiasco as rain poured down from the sky.

Dreading the walk home, Tara closed her locker shut and braced herself for the torturous thirty minute walk.

"Hey, Tara!" David yelled as he jogged to keep up with her.

Stopping so to look at him, Tara waited for him to catch up to where she was standing. "Hey."

"Look, I am just going to bring this out in the open. I like you. I have liked you for a while. I know you like to keep to yourself and I respect that and I normally wouldn't do this but it's pouring out there and to top it off its cold. Let me give you a lift. No strings attached. Promise."

Blushing at David's sudden confession, Tara looked out the nearest window.

It was pouring...

"Yea, sure," she quickly agreed. "But no strings attached…" added Tara as they walked towards the nearest exit.

David shrugged of his jacket and placed it above both their heads, so to protect them from the rain.

"Ready to make a run for it?"

Giggling the whole way, Tara and David ran towards his car, getting soaked in the process regardless of how well he tried to cover them both with his jacket.

While waiting for the car to warm up, Tara and David made small talk, answering each other's questions of how each other's day went. After a couple of minutes, David started driving towards her house while both spoke about trivial things such as school and their teachers. The conversation was incredibly superficial, without any real depth to it.

When they arrived to her house, Tara noticed that the Cutlass was gone.

Thanking God for small miracles, Tara placed her small hand in the car handle and turned towards David.

"Thanks, David," Tara said giving him a brief and curt smile.

Noting how wet he was, Tara felt badly that he would drive back to the other side of town looking like a wet dog. Taking a deep sigh, Tara decided it was best to show some form gratitude towards David, since he so kindly drove her home. "Come in and I'll get you a towel."

When it looked like David was going to protest, Tara quickly cut him of, "please David, it's the least I could do."

Without waiting for a reply, Tara got out of the car and jogged to her front door, knowing that he would follow closely.

Opening the door quickly, Tara walked into her house, noting that her father did not trash the living room, like he usually did whenever he got too drunk to properly function.

"Nice place," said David while he looked around the small living room.

"Thanks. I'll be back. Please make yourself at home," replied Tara as she waved her arm towards her couch.

Walking towards the linen closet, Tara took out the newest towel she could find and walked back to the living room where David stood looking at the family pictures that hung on the wall.

Handling him the towel, Tara waited for him to say something while he looked at the old memories that her father refused to take down from the wall.

"You look a lot like your mom."

Tara looked at the pictures. There were a few from the summer before Madison's death... At the Big Sur, at the Taste of Charming event that Samcro sponsored every year... So many painful memories hung from that damn wall...

"Yea, thanks," muttered Tara.

"You are very beautiful," he whispered. Tara turned to look at David.

"Tara..." he whispered while he stepped closer to her.

Her heart pounded against her chest. She knew he would try to kiss her and any teenage girl from Charming High would be faltered that the star quarterback would be interested in them, but David was not what she wanted. He wasn't the future biker that seemed to plague her thoughts every waking moment of her day; David was far from it, actually. Dropping her gaze, Tara took a step backwards, while whispering, "David, no strings attached. Remember?"

Just as she stepped away, her front door slammed open revealing a drenched Derek.

Her father looked furious and drunk. Soaking wet, he charged her and with his body, pinned her against the wall while pictures fell to the floor. Much like a horror movie, all Tara felt was the blood rushing to her ears as her father's hands tighten around her neck. As she gasped for air, she saw David struggling to push Derek away. Relief came quickly, as she saw Derek lying on the floor, trying to push himself up, but failing miserably as his intoxication had a better grip of him.

Tara stared at her father for a moment before she felt David's hand in her arm as he pulled her away from the nightmare that had become her home.

The last words she heard were "whore," as David slammed the front door shut with one hand while keeping the other one firmly on her arm.

Everything was happening in a blur. One moment she felt the rain hitting her face and the next she felt a seatbelt being strapped on her. Both, she and David were soaked and cold but that didn't the teenage boy from pulling away from her home in an alarming speed, his jaw clenched tightly as his eyes stayed focus on the road.

After a couple of minutes of silence, Tara decided to give in.

"David..."

He briefly looked at her but almost immediately focused his attention to the horizon, his hands turning white at the wheel.

"David, where are we going?"

"We are going to Unser," he replied in a clipped tone, his eyes blazing with anger.

Tara shook her head. "Stop the car."

"No."

"David, stop the car."

"I said no."

"DAVID, STOP THE FUCKING CAR!"

Maybe it was rarely expression of any emotion, or the desperation in her voice, but David obliged to Tara's request.

Pulling to the side of the road, David and Tara sat in silence as the rain continued to pour mercilessly around them.

"It's not right. He has no right to hit you, Tara."

Tara looked at David as she felt his penetrating gaze. "He doesn't hit me. He just grabs me sometimes, but he has never outright hit me, David. "

"Then what the hell do you call what just happened. No man should be physically abusive towards any woman, most of all his own flesh and blood. You shouldn't be in that house, Tara."

"I know all of that! Look..." Tara took a deep breath before continuing. "David, I am not you. I don't have this perfect little world carved out for myself. I don't have the perfect little family you have. I am me and I accept the world that I am part of. My father is all I have left. That house is the only home I have ever known. It's not perfect but it's all I know. I go to Unser, and then what? I get put in some foster home and all the hard work I have done academically to make sure I get out of this shitty town goes down the drain. It's only a couple of years before I get out and never turn back. All the bad memories will stay behind here. All those dark moments will be gone. The truth David is that my life is moving in one direction and it's forward, and if I go to Unser it all goes to shit. So, I am asking for one favor and that's for you to forget what you just saw. It's only a couple of more years and then I am gone. I won't talk to him or come back here again."

David had a pained look in his face. Tara was testing his perfectly structure concept of what was right and what was wrong. As David contemplated what to do, Tara allowed for her eyes to drop to her hands as the rain continued on.

After a couple of minutes of silence, David broke the eerie silence. "What do you want to do?"

Tara turned to look at him. He had his eyes closed as his head rested against the drivers' seat. "Excuse me?"

"When you get out. What do you want to do?" he clarified, as he opened his eyes and turned to look at her.

With a small whimsical smile Tara answered, "I want to be a doctor. A surgeon"

Nodding his head, David started up his car. "A doctor? That's pretty dope."

Getting back on the road, David maneuvered his car towards downtown Charming.

"Where are we going?"

"Well, I don't know about you, but I am hungry. Let's go to Miriam's and grab a couple of burgers. Then you could tell me about your plans for when you become a doctor, " he replied as he turned and gave her a smile.

A smile that Tara once again returned.

The crow eater couldn't tell Jax the difference between Charles Dickens and Mark Twain. She probably couldn't name him a Shakespearean play except _Romeo and Juliet_, just like he wouldn't be able to recall her name if she were to ask him. As she giggled next to him, Jax couldn't help his mind from wandering to other, more important things as he sipped his beer.

He was itching to be patched in. The club was everything to him and he couldn't wait to start the process of securing his legacy as John Teller's heir.

Clay being at the gavel changed things for Jax and his future. He knew that his stepfather wanted to prove himself to Samcro and the other charters. Clay had stepped up as president of the club shortly after John's death. Given that John started the club with Piney, Clay had big shoes to fill.

Jax had a feeling that Clay was going to rule ruthlessly, without mercy to those who opposed his proposals to make the club bigger and stronger than what John and Piney had ever envisioned. Given that Jax was to one day inherit the club, he also wanted to be part of the new reign. He wanted to prove himself, just like Clay was trying to prove himself as an effective President.

Clay's marriage to Gemma was incredibly well received by all the charters. Their marriage came to symbolize the old merging with the new. Strategically speaking, the marriage was an ingenious idea to anyone who didn't know the politics of the MC world. However, if someone were to study the newly married couple, it was obvious that Clay and Gemma were crazy for one another.

The last time Jax could recall seeing his mother this happy was before Thomas got gravely ill. Although it hurt that Gemma had moved on so quickly after John's death, Jax had come to terms with the marriage and felt relieved that his mother seemed to move on so smoothly after all the pain she has had to endure in the last couple of years.

The crow eater continued to giggle. Jax's locked eyes with the big breasted blonde and raised one of his eyebrows as he licked his lips. "You want to tell me what's so funny, darling?"

The crow eater shook her head and place one hand in his chest as the other covered her mouth.

Placing his beer atop the bar, Jax leaned in and whispered, "I see you are a bad girl, aren't you, darling?" as he placed his hands on her waist, pulling her closer to his well defined body.

The crow eater stopped giggling immediately as the force of Jax's sexual advanced took full effect. Her eyes were covered with lust and want.

Jax loved women. Always has and will always will. He knew that his natural charm could make women weak at the knees. He enjoyed knowing the power he had over them. He loved to make them want him. He loved to feel desired.

When he was fourteen, he lost his virginity to an experienced crow eater, who wanted to make her mark in the club, and which better way to do so than to fuck Prince Charming.

After a couple of weeks of messing around with the crow eater, Jax knew he had to put some distance between to the two. She got clingy and needy. Actually believed that they could start some sort of relationship so that when Jax patched in, she would be his Old Lady. Naturally, Jax wasn't having any of it and when the crow eater didn't get the hint, he turned the blind eye when Gemma sent the chick packing to another charter. Afterwards, he vowed to never spend more that a couple of days with a chick and if he felt that a girl was getting too clingy, he dropped her and moved on to the next one without missing a heartbeat.

High school girls were easier to manipulate. Early on, Jax discovered how desperately many of his female peers wanted that fairy book love story of meeting the love of their lives during high school. Jax toyed with them, made them feel wanted and special and when he got what he wanted, he moved on. He will probably go down in history for being one of the biggest players of Charming High.

"How about we go to one of the apartments?" suggested the crow eater and her hands roamed freely across his defined chest.

Giving her his infamous smirk, Jax grabbed her hands and pull them always from him. "Maybe later, darling" and with one smooth move, he grabbed his beer and stood from one of the many stools that adorned the clubhouse.

Jax walked outside and sat on top of one of the picnic tables. It was cold as fuck but the booze that he had consumed earlier and the beer that he had firmly wrapped in his hand were keeping him warm. The rain continued to fall gracefully and within minutes, Jax was in such a daze that he did not notice when Opie came out of the clubhouse until his best friend stood right in front of him.

Sitting quietly next to him, Opie lit up with a simple flicked of his fingers and inhale deeply, letting the smoke of the cigarette filter thru his nose. "You know, the guys are starting to wonder why the James Kirk of the MC world has not fucked a crow eater in weeks. Tig is actually starting to say that whatever you have might be contagious, so to keep clear of you."

"Nah, man. It's just that..." Jax grabbed the cigarette Opie offered, "I am working thru some shit. It don't feel right Op."

Opie nodded as he also looked out to the rain. Jax took another sip of the now lukewarm beer.

"Shit is crazy, man. Bad shit has happened to you in the last couple of years. Tommy dying, your Old Man dying...Gemma and Clay. It's okay for you to take a minute to figure shit out."

Jax took another drag of the cigarette and passed it to his best friend.

Opie was one loyal fuck. When Mary left Piney, she took her only son with her and swore that she wouldn't let her only son get killed by the MC world. When John died, Opie came back, not giving two fucks what his mother said, so he could stand behind his best friend during the burial. Months later and his best friend never left and Jax knew that he would never leave Charming again. Opie was destined to be part of SAMCRO just like Jax was. It was in their blood.

Sitting in silence for a while, both young men let their thoughts peacefully wander. The cold air was getting even colder as night quickly approached.

Finish off his second cigarette, Opie stood and stretched his large frame. "I am heading out to Miriam's. You coming?"

Setting down the now empty beer bottle, Jax stood and ran towards his best friend's wagon, seeking shelter from the rain.

For the past hour, they sat and talk while eating overly greasy cheeseburgers and salty fries.

No one bothered them besides the waitress, a middle age single mother of three, who kept asking if they wanted refills or coffee.

Tara liked the easy company of David. Although they talked briefly in school, they never hung out and surprisingly enough Tara liked his easygoing manner. Not once did he bring up the incident that he witnessed at her house and she hoped that he would never bring it up again. In fact, he was pretty goofy and not stupid like most jocks at Charming High.

Like Tara, David had big dreams. Just like Tara wanted to be a doctor, David wanted to be a cop. A good cop, that "wasn't on the payroll of the biggest gang in Charming," as he nicely put it.

The rain wasn't letting up and by the time they ate their third burger, thunder and lightening joined the party. By that time they had pretty much air-dried and Tara's hair took on their natural waves. Luckily for them, cups of hot chocolate kept them warm in that stormy winter night.

It was a little past six when the small bells by the entrance chimed signaling the sole waitress that they had new customers that wanted to be served. David was telling Tara a story of when he went snowboarding in Washington, when she felt the cold wind of the outside world. Turning her gaze away from David and looking past him, her eyes immediately connected to Jax's blue orbs.

Jax's eyes went from warm to cold in a few seconds. That hard glint reached her deep in her soul specially since it was towards her. His eyes broke away as they landed to the back of David's head. Unaware of the entrance of the future bikers, the future cop continued babbling about the great winters of Washington State.

With purpose, Jax sauntered towards the occupied table, Opie following closely behind, a bewildered and confused look on his face.

Stopping in front of their booth, Jax's eyes connected with Tara's once more as David abruptly stopped talking and looked appalled by the interrupting party.

"Can I help you, Teller?"

Breaking away from Tara's hypnotic green eyes, Jax turned his fury towards his arch nemesis.

"I got a question for you, Hale."

By placing his hands on the table, Jax shifted forward so to be at eye level with David.

Opie loomed closer as Tara looked on, a look of total worry crossing her face. The patrons of the diner immediately noticed the animosity between the two teens.

"Yes?" snarled David, leaning his face forward so that he and Jax were only inches apart, sharing the same breath.

"Hasn't your uptight mother taught you to stay away from what's not yours?"

Tara's mouth dropped open, as did David's. Opie's eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

David started laughing. The longer David laughed the angrier Jax became, that much was certain to Tara. Jax stood straight and turned towards Tara.

"Let's go," he demanded in a dangerously low tone as he grabbed her arm, pulling her up from her seat.

David also stood and placed his hand atop of Jax's hand that was holding on to Tara's arm.

"Let go of her." When Jax did let go of her arm, he turned towards David just as David stepped out of the booth. Both of them stood in front of the other, their gazes blazing out of anger. Jax's clenched and unclenched his hands, aching to punch the gapped tooth quarterback on the face.

Deciding enough was enough, Tara pulled Jax's arm with all the strength she could muster from her small frame.

"Jax, step away from David," she said in a voice that broke no argument.

Jax barely glanced at her. The pissing contest continued for a couple of more seconds, before Opie, the silent giant, placed himself firmly between the two young men.

"Let's go brother. He ain't worth it."

"I am not leaving without Tara." Jax shrugged off Tara's arm as he continued to glare at Hale.

David's nostrils flared. Giving Tara a quickly glance, David turned his attention back to Jax.

Knowing the temperament of his best friend, Opie quickly stood aside and moved to stand next to Tara. Pulling her gently aside, Opie whispered his plea, "come with us," just as David moved closer to Jax.

Stepping up to Jax so they were only inches apart, thru clenched teeth David hissed, "I don't give a fuck that you and your criminal family have every cop on this town paid off. I don't give a fuck that you walk around this town thinking you own it, you entitled prick. I know the truth about you. You are just a criminal in the making and you will destroy anything and anyone who enters your perverse world. It's your destiny to be scum. But rest assure I won't let you drag Tara down with you."

David's error laid in the fact, that at the exact moment he finished his diatribe, he turned his body to the side to collect his car keys and jacket. He didn't see the fist until it was too late.

By the time Unser came in with a couple of his men, Jax had a bruised eye and David had a cut on his lip. Opie was still holding on to an obviously furious Jax while the cook held an equally pissed off David.

Chairs and tables were overturned and the patrons of the diner whispered furiously to one another about the fight between the teenage boys. In a distance, Unser heard the roar of bikes.

Sighing deeply, Unser stood in between both teenagers. "What the hell happened here?" When no one broke the silence, Unser decided to take a firmer stance. "Look, someone got to start talking or both of you will spend the night in jail."

Taking a step forward, Derek's sole child, cleared her throat. "Chief Unser, I am sorry for disturbing your night but I am afraid this is all my fault." Tara looked to both Jax and David before turning her full attention to Unser. "I came in here with David after he gave me a lift from school. We were hungry so we decided to stay a bit so the weather could let up a bit. I forgot that I had a project to finish for English with Jax. Jax just got worried so he came in here looking for me."

"And what does this have to do with the fight?" questioned Unser.

"Both wanted to give me a lift home," finished off Tara without wavering her gaze from the experienced cop.

Unser knew that there was more to the story. He was a season cop and he wanted to get to the bottom of the problem, however, the arrival of the bikers and Hale's father put an end to any of his internal inquiries.

Choosing the path of less resistance, Unser waved the teenager boys away and gave them a stern warning that there wouldn't be another fight or else they would spend the night in one of his cells, if either one of them lay a finger on the other. Clay gave the waitress a couple of hundreds to clean up the mess as Hale Sr., pushed his son out of the diner, lecturing him the whole time about getting into a fight with a bunch of thugs, not caring that most of Samcro was at hearing distance.

"Let's go, son," said a soaking wet Clay as the rest of the gang waited by the door, also wet from the storm that was still going strong outside.

Jax shook his head. "I am not leaving here without Tara."

Clay looked at his stepson. Everyday the boy reminded him more and more of John. Stubborn when he was set on some idea and loyal to the bone but also having an unexplainable weakness for women. Shaking his head, Clay walked out of the diner with the rest of the men, leaving the mess behind him. Let Gemma deal with the hormonal teenager.

Before walking towards the door, Opie silently placed the wagon's keys on Jax's hand. Gripping his best friend's shoulder tightly, Opie nodded his head at Tara and walked away, leaving Jax with Tara.

Her stance was tense, her jaw locked. Walking around the broken plates and overturned tables, Tara walked back towards the booth that she and David had occupied earlier and grabbed her coat. Without a word muttered, she walked out of the diner into the cold night, Jax trailing closely behind her.


	13. Chapter 13: Possibility

Another chapter! I can't wait until September. I believe Tara is royally fucked, but she is going to fuck Gemma even harder; at least that's my wishful thinking.

Now for this chapter's music choice… Honestly, I was stuck for a bit. I didn't want to use a cheesy pop song, however, I remembered a very sad song I heard a while back. I searched for the lyrics and it fits perfectly for the theme of this chapter.

Please review and respond! Thanks for all the wonderful feedback.

XOXO.

Chapter 13: Possibility

"Possibility"

_Here's a possibility,_

_There's a possibility,_

_All that I had, was all I'm gonn' get._

_mmmmmmm..._

_There's a possibility,_

_There's a possibility,_

_All I'm gonn' get is gone with your stare._

_All I'm gonn' get is gone with your stare._

_So tell me when you hear my heart stop_

_You're the only one who knows._

_Tell me when you hear my silence._

_There's a possibility I wouldn't know_

_mmmmmmm..._

_mmmmmmm..._

_Know that when you leave,_

_Know that when you leave,_

_by blood and by me, you walk like a thief,_

_by blood and by me, I fall when you leave._

_So tell me when you hear my heart stop._

_You're the only one who knows._

_Tell me when you hear my silence,_

_There's a possibility I wouldn't know._

_So tell me when my sorrows over_

_You're the reason why I'm closed_

_Tell me when you hear me falling._

_There's a possibility it wouldn't show._

_mmmmmm..._

_mmmmmm..._

_By blood and by me, I'll fall when you leave._

_By blood and by me, I'll follow your lead…_

Lykke Li "Possibility"

"Want another refill, sweetheart?" asked the middle-aged waitress, a single mother of three.

Tara looked up from her mug. The waitress was still the same from her teen years. She had lost about 30 pounds and the bags under her eyes were now permanent. Her children were now all grown. One worked as a waitress in another diner in Lodi, also a single mother of two, another was locked up for being part of a hold-up in the local gas station and the third had died of a drug overdose five years prior. The waitress had aged poorly, the choice of staying in Charming forty years ago haunting her daily.

"Thanks," muttered Tara as she looked down, refusing to meet the eyes of the woman who served her throughout her teen years.

Filling up the mugs of the two occupants of the booth, the waitress walked away, leaving the old friends alone.

Taking a sip of her coffee, Tara looked out the window. Her eyes were no longer red and puffy and the tears had dried on their own, however, the ache in her heart remained the same. That ache was a constant reminder of how much she loved Jackson Teller and how deep that love ran.

Turning to look at her companion, Tara allowed for a small smile to reach her lips.

David tilted his head to the left, also smiling at his old friend.

"That's a nice sight."

Taking another sip, Tara gently placed the mug back down the old table, while keeping her fingers tightly wrapped among it.

"Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?"

She shook her head slightly. "Believe it or not, I don't have much of an appetite, Dave."

Nodding his head, David took a sip. Holding his mug parallel to his face, David waited for Tara to break the silence once more.

Looking outside, Tara knew that David was waiting for her to say something regarding her earlier outburst. When Tara was younger, she rarely allowed for any emotions to overpower her perfectly structured demeanor. When she and Jax became what they became, her emotions got the better of her. When she was happy, the world knew. Simultaneously, when she was angry, there was hell to be paid. Since then, she has come a long way. Becoming a doctor, allowed her to reach an inner peace that she lacked when she was a teenager, thus, she rarely let any emotions get the better of her. Performing surgeries on babies humbled her; helped her lock up the angry part of her persona.

Not even a day back in Charming and she was already falling apart at the seems. Then again, Jackson Teller did have that effect on her. He always brought out the emotions that she always tried to keep at bay.

"I saw him," she whispered, feeling the knot on the back of her throat getting tighter. Locking her gaze with David's and with all the courage she could muster, Tara pleaded, "tell me everything David."

Setting down his mug, David ran his right hand over his cropped haircut. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything."

Sighing deeply, David looked out the window. For years, he pinned over her. When she first got with Teller, he was disappointed and wanted nothing more than for her to fall out of love with Jax. However, as their high school years went by, the deeper the love between Jax and Tara grew and everyone knew that, including him. As disappointed as he was that he didn't have her, he knew that Jax was whom she wanted so he respected her choice to remain with the biker trash. For three years, he witnessed Tara's downfall. She went from being a heavily guarded young woman, to a violent and law-breaking Old Lady. During her last year in Charming, Tara got arrested numerous times for fighting with women that wanted Jax's attention. Right when he thought that she would be another Gemma, she disappeared and wasn't heard from again for over a decade.

Tara's departure from Charming was as shocking as her relationship with Jax. Like she promised him that night he witnessed Derek's abuse towards his daughter, Tara packed her bags and didn't look back once, breaking all contact with everyone she knew in Charming. As hurt as he was about her sudden departure and her silence, he couldn't help but feel happy for his friend—she got out. She did what she said she was going to do. Most of all, he was elated that she got away. Away from the violence and poison that was Samcro.

And now, ten years later, here they were sitting in the same diner they always sat in those rare moments, where they sat and talked about life and their future. The difference was that they had accomplished what they said they were going to do back in their teenage years—he was an incorruptible cop and she was a neonatal surgeon. Everything was different and yet the same. He still had this burning desire to love her, to make her his forever. And she still had that unwavering love for the biker Prince of Charming.

"Since you left, Jax has been in and out of jail. Selling illegal weapons, extortion, violence… you name it, he has probably already done, Tara." Taking another sip of his coffee and placing the mug gently on the table, David continued looking out the window, so to avoid the look of heartbreak Tara probably had sketched on her porcelain face. "After you left, he went head deep into the club. I don't know much about what goes on behind those closed doors, but Jax changed,

Tara. His life revolves around Samcro. There isn't anyone who holds him back; no one to keep him in check. A few years back he got patched in as VP. Lost count of how many times he has gotten arrested by Unser for beating men up to a pulp or for threatening anyone who does not comply with Samcro's orders. Of course, he gets off scotch free," David finished off, bitterness lacing every word.

Against his better judgment, David turned his head so to look at the woman he has always wanted. He expected to see her broken, like she was a couple of hours ago, back in her house.

What he saw actually surprised him. Tara was looking straight at him, her face eerily composed.

"What else?" her hands were neatly folded in front of her, her coffee long forgotten.

Looking straight into her eyes, David continued, "about three years ago, he got married to Wendy Case. She is from Stockton, moved here a couple of years back. Apparently, she couldn't handle the pressures of being an Old Lady, especially Jax Teller's Old Lady. Picked up a nasty crank habit. She's been in and out of rehab a couple of times."

Again, Tara remained completely composed. But he knew his old friend. Behind that composure, a storm was brewing.

He didn't have the heart to tell her. He couldn't bare to be the one who cause her any form of pain.

Reaching in between them, Tara gently took hold of David's hands. Making sure that she had his full attention, Tara spoke, "for years, I have lived in such a state of loneliness and at first I was okay with it. I had my career and a great apartment; a life outside of Charming. I got out Davey. It was all I ever wanted while I lived here, yet, I kept questioning why I was so miserable all the time, if I had all I wanted when I left Charming."

Stroking her thumbs across his fingers, Tara allowed for her eyes to travel across his chest. The badge that adorn his chest, shone brightly in the fluorescent lights of the diner. A small sad smile tugged her lips. "Jax changed me, David. Before him, I was lost. I didn't have anything or anyone. He showed me what it felt like to be loved. How it felt to be protected. I was drowning before him and when he came into my life, he became my life raft. So, David, please. "

He knew what she was silently asking. She wanted him to break her heart again so she could move on from Teller. She didn't want Jackson Teller to be her life raft any longer. Tightening the hold of her hand, David chose his words wisely. "I know that they were separated for a while, but they got back together a couple of months ago. She is pregnant."

The pain was there. As hard as she tried to hold her composure, the pain was evident in her eyes.

Closing her eyes, she let go of his hands and leaned back. Her lips trembled slightly. Taking a few moments to herself, Tara allowed for the pain to spread all throughout her.

She came to Charming partly because she was terrified of Joshua. After she aborted his child, he became a loose cannon, harassing her non-stop for months. Not even a week after the abortion, he confronted her outside her apartment building, calling her a baby killer. She hoped to start fresh in her old hometown, where she last felt safe. But another part of her hoped and wanted to rekindle the relationship with Jax. She wanted to feel alive again. Now that possibility was out of the question. He was a husband and a father-to-be. She knew how it felt not to have a reliable father in ones life and she was not going to break up anyone's family, didn't matter how broken that family might be.

As sad as she felt, a part of Tara also felt angry.

For ten years, she held him close to her heart, refusing to let any other man in. For ten years, she held onto the dim possibility that one day, their paths would cross and they would continue with the love they had. But now that possibility was gone. Jax was going to be father. He would be forever tied to Wendy and the baby growing inside of her. He would forever be part of Samcro.

Opening her eyes, Tara locked her gaze with David. Locking the pain somewhere deep in her, she gave her friend a smile and leaned forward to clasp her cold hands with his warm ones.

"Thanks."

Nodding David held her hands and stroked his fingers across her knuckles.

They held hands for a while and a small wave of hope started to spread within David. Maybe this time it will be different. Maybe this time, she will be his instead of Teller's. She held his hand as she asked, "so tell me how your life been in the past ten years?"

David smiled genuinely for the first time in a long time.

"It's good to have you back, Tara."

He parked his bike on the driveway. The small house looked old and faded. Sitting on his bike for a minute, Jax rubbed his stubble. He didn't know what would be expecting him on the other side of the door but he needed solace and this is the only place he would find it.

Getting off his bike and walking slowly towards the house, Jax could feel the heaviness of his world resting on his shoulders. The older he got, the heavier the burden of his life seemed to get. When he was younger, he was sure of what he wanted out of his life. Now, nearly thirty, he didn't even know where he would end up in by the end of the night. The path that seemed so right ten years ago seemed all wrong now.

Knocking on the wooden door, Jax waited for an answer. When the door finally opened, he greeted his old friend with a small smile.

She did not look happy to see him.

"Jackson."

"Hey, Donna."

Looking into her eyes, he felt responsible for the state her family was in. Opie had just finished doing a five-year stink in Chino for blowing shit up for the club. His family now lay broken. His children barely talk to him, not recognizing the man who went inside when they were merely toddlers. With Opie gone, Donna tried her best to keep her family afloat but at times the economic burden of having two small children and a mortgage got to be too much for the young mother. When it became too much for her to bare, Samcro would help Donna out, but Jax could tell that she did not want the help. She saw it as charity instead of seeing it as what family would do for one another. The longer Opie stayed on the inside, the greater Donna's hatred for Samcro grew.

"Is Op around?"

Stepping aside so Jax could walk into the house, Donna quickly shut the door.

Walking past him without a word muttered Donna went towards the back of the house.

Back when they were in high school, Jax, Tara, Donna and Opie were inseparable. They did everything together as a couple. From double dates to the movie theater in Lodi to taking the girls to their Junior Prom, the four friends did everything together. Much like Tara, Donna was smart and had big dreams. She wanted to be a teacher. Unlike Tara, Donna got knocked up shortly before high school graduation. Within days of the pregnancy announcement, the four friends rode up to Nevada so to celebrate the news. The first night after their arrival, they crashed in Uncle Jury's clubhouse with the intentions of getting up early the next morning and making the trip to the Grand Canyon. Instead they rode to Las Vegas where Donna and Opie got hitched.

Jax and Tara stood by their best friends during one of their happier moments. All throughout the ceremony, Jax and Tara looked at one another, a content smile permanently etched on their faces.

After the short ceremony, all four of them walked around Las Vegas, celebrating the happiness all of them felt at the moment.

At one point, Donna and Opie wandered off to stand in front of one of the many fountains of Las Vegas. Jax and Tara walked hand in hand around the plaza. At that moment, Jax felt happier than he ever had. His best friend had the girl of his dreams, as did he.

But that was years ago, and now Donna could barely look at him.

Walking back inside, covered in sweat and with a screwdriver on his left hand, Opie immediately hugged his best friend.

"How you doing?" smiled Opie at his best friend. Opie immediately noticed his friend's rigid stance. Without waiting for any words from Jax, Opie said, "let's go out to the back." Stopping by the kitchen first, Opie grabbed a couple of beers and took them with him.

Once outside, Jax lit up, taking a long drag out of his cigarette.

"She's back, bro."

Understanding immediately, Opie sat in one of the old chairs that adorned his worn out backyard and opened two beers, passing one to his childhood friend. Accepting a cigarette from Jax, he lit up.

"When?"

Jax shrugged his shoulders. "She was by the school. She was hanging around the track, like we use to when we were kids."

Opie rubbed his free hand across his beard. The heat was unbearable. Wiping the accumulated sweat from his brow, Opie looked at Jax. Usually full of life and energy, Jax looked defeated and worn out while he smoked his cigarette and drank from the beer bottle.

"What are you going to do?"

Putting out the cigarette with his white sneaker, Jax sat down on one of the chairs of the backyard. Turning his head so to look back into the house, Jax allowed for a small smile to tug his lips. Turning around so to see what had captured Jax's attention, Opie saw Donna sitting down on the kitchen table with Ellie. Donna was probably helping Ellie with her math homework, a subject that his daughter constantly struggled with.

He lost so much time with his family while he was inside. There was not a day that passed that he didn't wish he were home with his beautiful wife and children. But he had to do the time for the club. They were a brotherhood and during this time inside, he knew that Jax took care of his family as much as Donna would allow. He owed Jax.

Turning back to Jax, Opie saw the longing on his best friend's eyes.

"It's a sign, Jax."

Jax tilted his head to the side. "A sign?"

"Yep. She came back after ten years, bro. The love you two had…that type of love never goes away. Don't matter how many years passed. You two are meant to be together like Donna and I."

"But Wendy…the baby."

"Fuck that. All that shit will work itself out. She knows you and Wendy aren't together?"

Jax shook his head. "She figured it out—that I was married. She ran off before I could tell her anything else."

Taking a final drag of the cigarette before putting it out, Opie took a moment. "So, find her and tell her. Tell her you love her. That you never stopped. That Wendy was just a distraction. Fight for her brother. Don't lose her again cause what you two have, that shit don't come around often."

Standing, Opie gave his best friend's shoulder a squeeze and walked back inside to be with his family.

More than an hour had passed. The waitress kept refilling their cups over and over again. At one point, David ordered burgers, fries and pieces of pie for both. By the time the food arrived, Tara was starving. She hadn't laughed like that in a while.

David caught her up with all the gossip of people they went to school with and other notorious citizens of Charming.

As much fun as they were having, the pain of knowing that Jax had moved on still lingered within her. At times, David would be in the middle of a story and her mind would wander to Jax. Always Jax. Day and night.

"So, tell me about San Diego and Chicago," he asked innocently.

Joshua Kohn. Could she tell her old friend about the nightmare her life had become in the last year? Would he be able to offer some sort of protection?

Although David was on his way to becoming Chief of the Charming Police Department, Tara knew that Kohn thought himself to be above the law. If he decided to come look for her in Charming, there wasn't anything David could do to stop him, after all Joshua was a federal agent.

Putting on her best smile, she answered, "San Diego was nice. Great weather, great atmosphere and great people. I was exposed to so much while I went to school there." Taking a sip of water, Tara continued, "as for Chicago. That was another ball game. Bigger city, incredibly fast paced, culturally rich, and probably the best pizza outside of New York City."

David smiled. "That just sounds amazing Tara. I wish I could visit one of those cities one day."

"Why don't you?"

David shrugged. "You know, I love Charming. Small town, where everyone knows everyone; I like that environment. It's a good place to raise kids. Plus Unser is retiring soon. I am next in line. Chief Hale. Could you imagine it?"

Tara laughed. "Actually, I can Davey. Who better to run Charming PD than you?"

The waitress appeared again. "Can I clear this out?" Both of them nodded at the same time, which propelled a fit of laugher between the old friends.

"Can you bring out more coffee, please?" ask Tara politely.

Nodding, the waitress, whose name was Mary, if Tara recalled correctly, cleared out the table. Shortly afterwards, she came back and refilled their mugs with freshly brewed coffee.

Reaching forward, David took Tara's hands with his own. "I missed you, Tara. It was weird growing up and not having you around to see how far I have come on my own."

Giving his hands a gentle squeeze, Tara smiled. "Believe it or not, I missed you too David. I missed having a friend to talk to. You were one of the few people who actually believed in me back when I was too lost to believe in myself. I always meant to thank you for that."

Bringing her hands forward to his lips, David kissed her knuckles gently. "You are welcomed." He gazed at her green eyes. His heart pounded in his chest.

He had to tell her. He had to tell her how much he loves her. How much he has loved her for over ten years. As the words formulated in his mind, she tensed. Pulling her hands away from him, she straightened up as she looked past him, a slight look of worry crossing her face.

"Tara?"

She wasn't listening to him. Her eyes got bigger as whatever captured her attention came closer.

"Am I interrupting?"

The figure towered over them. Squinting so to look up at the intruder, David felt his stomach turn as he saw who rudely interrupted them.

Giving a small nod of her head, Tara said, "Gemma, nice to see you."

"Wish I could say the same."

Giving David a once over, Gemma turned her attention back to Tara. "Why the fuck are you here?"

Gemma was getting to her already, that much was obvious by the way Tara tensed.

"None of your business," replied Tara in a curt manner.

Gemma smiled sinisterly. "I see that the bitch is still there."

"She only comes out when she has too. How did you find out where I was?"

"Charming is a small town darling. There isn't anything that doesn't occur in this town that I am not aware off. Your neighbors saw you lurking around."

Tara rolled her eyes.

"Pack your bags and go back to wherever the fuck you came from."

Tara stood slowly and walked over to where Gemma stood. Squaring off to the Queen of Samcro took balls, and Tara had them. "Last time I checked, you don't tell me what to do. I will come and go as I please. If you have a problem with that, you know where I live."

David stood as Gemma smirked.

"David, take me home." Tara turned around and grabbed her purse. Giving Gemma a once over, Tara walked out of the diner. David put a couple of bills on top of the table. "Good night Gemma," and he walked outside, where Tara stood with her arms folded.

"Don't let her get to you." David put his arms around her. He felt her tremble out of anger.

After a few minutes, Tara relaxed and returned the hug.

Again he felt her stiffen when the rumbling of a motorcycle disturbed the quiet night. Parking across the street, Jax Teller got off his Harley and walked towards them. Although Tara had pulled away seconds before, it was too late. Jax had seen them and by the look that he had on his face he was pissed off.

All three of them stood silently. Jax glared at Hale. Turning to look at Tara, in a quiet voice, he stated, "I need to talk to you," while he clenched and unclenched his hands.

"There is nothing to say Jax. Go home to your wife." Tara folded her arms across her chest and gave her former lover an impasse look. A look of recognition crossed Jax's handsome face.

Jax turned to glare at Hale once more. "I see you told her."

Seizing the opportunity, David answered, "yes, I told her about your PREGNANT wife."

Jax briefly paled as he looked at Tara. He saw the disappointment behind her eyes.

"Good, so you know." Gemma walked to where all three of them stood. Placing a small kiss on her son's face, Gemma continued, "baby, Hale was going to give Tara a lift home. They were quite cozy in there when I walked in. Bet Hale was more than giving Tara a lift home. Or should I say, maybe Tara was going to give Hale a ride."

Both David's and Tara's jaws dropped open as Jax's eyes travelled to Tara's face. He saw the bewilderment there. Deep down he knew that Gemma was just stirring shit between the two of them, just like she use to when they were teenagers but part of him feared that he came back to her a little bit too late. Even though she told him she wasn't married, it didn't mean there wasn't something brewing between Hale and Tara.

All throughout his relationship with Tara, Hale was a thorn on his side. He knew that the former quarterback had a thing for his girl back when they were teens. Unfortunately, for reasons he could never understand, Tara considered Hale a good friend. Tara's loyalty for Hale ran deep and they got into plenty of fights because of that friendship. Now, ten years later, the prospect of Tara getting with Hale made his stomach turn.

"Mom, go home. I need to talk to Tara." He looked at his mother, the only woman who had his back unconditionally. "Alone," he added.

Gemma was a woman who was not use to getting her way. The fact that her only son was dismissing her for an old pussy who broke his heart, inflamed her. Giving Tara one last glare, Gemma turned and walked back to her Cadillac. She will deal with her son and that bitch later.

As Gemma drove away, Jax turned his attention back to Tara, who still had her arms folded across her chest, a sign, which he learned early on, meant that she was bracing herself for one hell of a fight.

"Tara, we need to talk."

Before she even had the chance to reply, Hale, like the pain in the ass he was, butted in, "why don't you go back to riding your bike and hanging out with your 'brothers' and leave Tara alone."

"And why don't you mind your fucking business, Captain America?"

Tara unfolded her arms and reached over to David. Placing one of her hands on his arm, Tara pleaded, "give me a minute with him. Start the Jeep. It won't take long. Promise."

Since when did Tara make promises to Hale?

Tara gave Hale's arm a squeeze. Hale gaze her a brief, forced smile and walked over to his cage. Climbing in and shutting the door, he turned on the engine and waited for Tara—like he always did.

They stood in silence for a while, either willing to go first. After a moment, Tara sighed. "Say what you came to say, Jax. I got to go home."

"What for? Don't want to keep Captain American waiting? Going to give Hale that ride after all?" Despite himself, he felt those old insecurities come back to the surface. One of the reasons why he hated Tara's friendship with Hale back when they were teenagers was because he feared that one day she would leave him for Hale.

Tara pursed her lips. Anger flashed thru her eyes. "Look Jax, it's been ten years. I do not owe you any explanation of what I do or with whom I do it with. You had no problems moving on. Go home. Go be with your pregnant wife. She needs you. I don't."

He felt the anger spread. That was always their problem. When anger captured both of them, none of them were willing to back down. "So, what? You are going to sleep with Hale now? What about us?"

"THERE ISN'T AN US ANYMORE! There hasn't been for ten years. So you have no right, absolutely no right to come in and try to have any input on my life. I came back to Charming because I wanted some peace of mind. Please…just let me be."

"But, Tara…"

She shook her head. "Jax, please."

His shoulders slumped in defeat. He lost her. She wasn't having any of it, he could tell. She completely shut herself away from him, like she always did when he disappointed her.

And she walked away and climbed into Hale's Jeep and rode away, while he stood there on Main Street, watching the love of his life drive away with another man.


	14. Chapter 14: This Years Love

To my readers:

You guys have been utterly amazing! I have received such positive feedback that it utterly blows my mind. One of you, LadyDi, thank you! I was so touched that you missed work to read my whole story. If I could pay you all back, I would.

Here is another chapter. The song that I chose for this chapter is one of my ultimate favorite songs! It's so romantic and lovely. Also, there is a bit of smut in this chapter. Some Jax and Tara loving, so please be advised.

In order to get you guys involved, if any of you have any suggestions for any songs you want me to use as inspiration or as a mood settler, please feel free to contact me!

These characters belong to the faboosh, KS. Show support to him and his cast!

XOXO

Chapter 14: This Years Love

_This years love had better last_

_Heaven knows it's high time_

_And I've been waiting on my own too long_

_But when you hold me like you do_

_It feels so right_

_I start to forget_

_How my heart gets torn_

_When that hurt gets thrown_

_Feeling like you can't go on_

_Turning circles when time again_

_It cuts like a knife oh yeah_

_If you love me got to know for sure_

_Cos it takes something more this time_

_Than sweet sweet lies_

_Before I open up my arms and fall_

_Losing all control_

_Every dream inside my soul_

_And when you kiss me_

_On that midnight street_

_Sweep me off my feet_

_Singing ain't this life so sweet_

_This years love had better last_

_This years love had better last_

_So whose to worry_

_If our hearts get torn_

_When that hurt gets thrown_

_Don't you know this life goes on_

_And won't you kiss me_

_On that midnight street_

_Sweep me off my feet_

_Singing ain't this life so sweet_

David Gray, "This Years Love"

Letting the door slam behind her, Tara walked straight into the rain, not really caring about the cold weather.

"TARA!"

She heard the door of the diner slam shut. Walking quickly, Tara ignored the shouts of the young man who followed her.

"Could you please stop!?" he yelled a couple of blocks later. By then the rain and the cold air had her shivering. Spinning around, Tara was surprised to see how closely he had been following her.

Putting her arms around herself, Tara replied, "what for? So you could make a scene like you did at the diner?"

Her teeth chattered.

Closing the gap between them, a soaked Jax grabbed her face and kissed her hard.

At first she struggled against him, but after a few seconds, she melted into his arms, like she always did when he kissed her with such fierce passion. His fingers tangled through her hair as he shift the angle of her face so he could deepen the kiss.

After a few minutes, she pulled apart from him. Touching her swollen lips, Tara looked at Jax questionably.

"You are mine." Grabbing one of her hands, he pulled her to where the wagon stood parked.

As the storm wreak havoc in Charming, up north, the trees around the cabin protected them from the relentless rain.

Wrapped up in the thickest blanket Jax could find, Tara huddled closer to the fire as her clothes hung from different chairs all throughout the cabin. She heard Jax move around the kitchen but she didn't dare to look back, afraid of what state of mind he might be in.

After they got in the car, he drove silently up north, not telling her where they were going, even though she asked numerous times. He was furious, that much was obvious, but she didn't understand why. They were not a couple and she didn't think he had any expectations of her.

Interrupting her thoughts, Jax sat next to her, in his white boxers. Folding his knees in front of him, Jax stared at the hearth of the fire, his jaw locked. Running his fingers through his wet locks, Jax broke the silence after a few minutes, "what the fuck is going on with you and Hale?"

Tara shook her head.

"He just gave me a ride home." She also turned to look at the hearth of the fire. Shivering slightly, Tara wrapped the blanket tighter to her body. Standing, Jax walked to the kitchen and came back moments later with two mugs. Handing one to Tara, he sat back down and took a sip, letting the liquid warm his body.

She also took a small sip.

"This is good hot chocolate." He just nodded his head, as he folded his knees once more in front of him, resting his arms atop of them.

"Jax, please say something." She placed the mug next to his one the floor. When the silence became unbearable, she reached out and placed her palm in his cheek, allowing her grip on the blanket loosen slightly.

"What is going on with you and that prick?"

"I told you, he just gave be a ride home," she said in a small voice.

Jax snorted. "Yea, how the hell did you end up in Miriam's looking all cozy and shit?"

Tara refused to meet his eyes. She didn't know how to handle this particular situation. Never had she dealt with an angry and jealous boy, least of all an angry Jackson Teller. As the minutes trickled by, Jax became angrier and angrier.

"What? You got nothing to say?" He asked thru clenched teeth.

Tara opened her mouth but no sound would come out. She couldn't tell him about her Dad and his Hulk-like anger. It was bad enough that David knew.

Jax stood and started pacing throughout the small living room, anger shaking him to the core.

She stood as well, looking at the Jax, worried of the possible outcome of this night.

"Are you messing around with him? Are you fucking him?" He continued pacing, the bruised eye shining brightly against the dim light of the cabin.

"God, no! He just gave me a ride home, Jax. Nothing more."

"Then why the fuck where you at the diner with him?" He stood right in front of her, yelling, his face red out of pure anger.

Looking into his eyes, she saw the fury behind them—the unexplainable but absolute fury. Not baring his wrath, she turned away from him, choosing to look at the fire than at him.

She heard the sharp intake of breath. Suddenly she felt his fingertips hesitantly touching her swore back. Remembering that her father slammed her against the wall, Tara tried to secure the blanket so to cover her exposed back, however, it was a little bit too late for that. Jax had seen parts of her back.

"What the fuck happened to your back?" he demanded to know, as Tara turned to look at him. When Tara tried to move away from him, one of Jax's hands grabbed her by her hip and pulled her closer to him, as the other struggled to loosen her grip of the blanket. Her strengthen was nothing compared to his and after struggling for a few minutes, she relented and the blanket fell to the floor forming a pool at her feet.

And there in the middle of the cabin, Jax saw the battered body of Tara Knowles. Covered only in a light pink bra and panty, Jax saw how Tara's body was filled with multiple bruises, some already yellowing in some parts of her body.

"Who in the hell did this to you?" he whispered in a horrifying voice, as his fingers lingered in her arms, ribs and finally hips. He hugged her close to his body, one of his hands automatically stroking her semi-wet hair.

He felt her tears land on his shoulder. He held her tight as her body trembled against his, the fire creating beautiful shadows in her porcelain back.

When the sobs ceased, he allowed for his anger to consume him whole again but at this time it was towards another male in her life. Pulling her away so he could stare into her eyes, Jax brushed away the tears that had temporarily stained her flawless face.

"I am going to kill him. Kill him for hurting you."

Although his hands were firmly placed on her face, Tara had the strength to shake her head.

"Just drop it, Jax. This is none of your business."

Pushing herself away from him, Tara walked towards the nearest window and watched the rain fall gracefully from the sky.

"Done of my business? Are you fucking kidding me? Look at yourself!" Jax marched so to stand directly behind her and he turned her around. "Fucking look at yourself."

"I am always fucking looking at myself Jax. I never stop! Do you think I like knowing that my own father gets too drunk to function properly? That at times, he gets too rough with me! I am always looking at it. My brain…it never stops… It never fucking stops…"

"He has no right to…"

"DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT!?" Taking a few deep breaths before continuing, "…like I told David. In a couple of more years, I will be out. I'll get away from him and Charming. I got big plans for myself Jax…Please don't ruin them."

He looked angry again. "He knew? You went to Hale with this shit, but not me?"

"It's not about you Jax! For once in your life can you look past your ego! Jesus Christ."

Tara crossed her arms over her chest. Remembering that she was standing in front of Jax in just her underwear, Tara turned crimson. Spotting the blanket near the fireplace, she walked over and wrapped the blanket around her body.

"Look Jax, just forget what you saw. Okay? Just fucking forget it; my Dad doesn't hit me. He just grabs me from time to time when he is drunk. Today, he grabbed me too hard and when I pushed away, I slammed against the wall. David was there since he just finished dropping me off. It was best to leave my Dad alone, so he could cool off. I asked David to take me to the diner. That's why we were there."

She knew she was partly lying to him, but she didn't want to drag him into her fucked up world. The less he knew, the better.

"And you think I believe that? Those bruises aren't just from grabbing."

"It so happens, I am pretty clumsy too…" she finished off, but he didn't believe her. She saw it in his eyes. "Please, just let it go." She walked to where he stood, wrapping her arms around his waist, she pleaded. "Please Jax," she murmured against his jaw.

His body started relaxing against hers. Turning his face slightly down, he captured her mouth with his. Like they always did, his hands found their way to her hair. Letting the blanket drop to the floor, Tara wrapped her arms around his neck as she stood on her tippy toes.

Breaking the intense kiss, Tara looked into his eyes. "What is this?"

Leaning forward so their foreheads touched, Jax closed his eyes. "I don't know, Tara. I just know that I didn't like seeing you with Hale. I also don't like seeing you hurt like this."

"David…he is just a friend, Jax," she whispered.

He opened his eyes and looked into hers. "Is he really?"

She nodded her head. Something relaxed within him. But the fight wasn't over.

"I mean it Tara. The next time, I see you like this, I will hurt him."

Tara tensed against him once more. She knew Jax meant every word of what he was saying.

"It doesn't matter what I say?"

"No, it doesn't. He shouldn't 'grab' you at all. Plus, I protect what is mine."

Tara looked into his eyes. "Jax, I don't need a boy to handle my shit." Her arms dropped to her sides as Jax's hands dropped to her waist.

"Yea, but I am not just some boy. I am your man." He pulled her closer to his body. Placing a small lingering kiss on her lips, he turned her around. Pushing her hair to the side, he closed his lips to the small bruise on her shoulder blade. He continued moving across her back, placing small, wet kisses in all the areas that were covered in bruises. By the time he reached her shoulder blades again, Tara was shaking out of pure desire.

Turning around, Tara grabbed his face and kissed him...hard. Shoving her tongue in his mouth, Tara ravished his mouth.

When breathing became a necessity, Jax pulled away, looking searchingly into her eyes. Grabbing one of his hands, Tara gently placed them on top of one of her breasts. "Make me feel good, baby."

Not having to be told twice, Jax palmed her breast. Moaning, Tara pulled his face towards hers.

By the time her bra came off, both of them were laying on the floor, near the fireplace, Jax stretched on top of her.

Gently he kissed her lips, his tongue slowly stroking hers as his hands travelled lightly around her body. Breaking them apart, Jax looked into her eyes, waiting for that confirmation. When he didn't see any form of hesitation, Jax bent his head and enclosed his mouth on her awaiting collarbone, switching from kissing to biting to sucking on that sensitive skin.

Slowly traveling to south, Jax continued his exploration, placing tender kisses on some of the small bruises that covered her body. When he reached her breasts, he gently sucked on her pink mounds, switching to gently biting her nipple, while his other hand played with the other one.

When glance up to look at her face, he saw that her eyes were tightly shut and she moaned as he lightly grazed one of her nipples with his teeth. Pulling away from her perfect tits, his lips travelled back to her mouth.

He kissed her hungrily, wanting more and more of her at which stroke of her tongue. Pulling away from him, Tara ran her fingers lightly around his lips. When she palmed one of his cheeks, he turned his face so his lips could gently kiss her palm.

Again, their lips met over and over again as his hands travelled down to the elastics of her pink panties.

Breaking the kiss, Jax closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers, the heat of her skin making him feel alive. His skin hummed.

"Jax…" she whispered. Opening his eyes, Jax looked into hers. What he saw humbled him.

Usually women wanted him for his body; Tara was different. She saw past the image. As she looked at him now, with her hair spread out against the carpet, he saw a reflection of himself in her eyes. Like him, she was someone who was once lost but somehow was transforming into someone new; someone he could build something tangible with.

Giving him a nod of approval, Jax sat up. Lifting her waist, Tara started to remove her panties, but stopped when Jax placed his hands atop hers.

"Let me do it."

Slowly he pushed her panties down her creamy legs. Throwing them somewhere across the room, Jax spread her legs so he could look at her…all of her.

"God, you are beautiful," he whispered as the flames of the fire created an exotic dance in her skin.

She leaned on her elbows. Raising one of her eyebrows, she gave him a look. Chuckling, Jax stood and removed his white boxers.

Desire spread all throughout her. She felt the moisture in between her legs. When he hovered over her once again, she was sure that he heard her heart pounding against her chest. She knew she was trembling but when he started kissing her all over her face, she felt an eerie calm spread thru her.

Looking into his eyes, she whispered, "I don't know how to do this."

Understanding, he nodded his head. "Let me take care of you." Sealing his promise with a kiss, Jax reached in between them to feel her. Feeling how wet she was, he groaned. Shifting to the side, Jax slowly teased her entrance with one of his fingers. Pressing his thumb in the nub above, Jax used his fingers to please her. In and out his fingers went until he felt her juices run into his awaiting hand. With a scream she came hard on his hand. Feeling her pulse in his fingers, Jax continued pressing his fingers against her walls until her walls relaxed.

As the shadows of the fire continued to dance around her body, Tara felt dazed. The muscles in her body felt relaxed and the spot in between her legs ached in a delicious way. Looking over to Jax, she smiled and pulled his face towards hers. Giving him a gentle kiss, Tara sat up. Shifting so Jax was laying down, Tara kissed him.

By the time her hand reached his throbbing cock, Jax thought he was going to explode the minute hand wrapped around his girth. Groaning, Jax looked down to where her hand was slowly stroking his length. As she picked up speed, Jax allowed for his eyes to drift shut as he felt the pressure accumulate on his spine. He tried to hold off as long as possible but her small hand felt too good against his sensitive skin. Way too good.

He felt her lips near his ear. Placing a small, teasing bite on his earlobe, Tara whispered, "let go, Jackson. Cum for me."

And he did. He didn't know if it was the way she said his name begging him to cum, in such a sultry voice, or the emotion behind her eyes, but Jax couldn't control the intense orgasm the ripped his body.

Gasping for air, Jax felt Tara shift so she were laying down next to him, Tara placed her head above his heart. Stroking her hair, Jax closed his eyes, contently pulling the girl next to him tighter to his spent body. Within minutes, both drifted into a peaceful sleep.

It the loud thunder that scared the crap out of her.

Sitting up suddenly, Tara looked around her surroundings, not recognizing the small living room at first. She then remembered that she was about an hour away from Charming, up in the mountains, in Samcro's cabin. Looking down, she saw Jax stirring from his deep slumber. She felt his hand on her lower back.

"Hey."

"Hey," she smiled back.

Jax patted the ground next to him. Giggling, Tara laid down. Both turning to their sides, so to look at one another, Jax and Tara smiled contently.

When lighting lit the whole cabin, Jax chuckled.

"It seems like you and I are stuck here for a while, babe."

"I don't mind it. There isn't anything in Charming that interests me anyways."

Jax mock pouted. "How about me?"

"Well, baby, you are here with me, aren't ya?" she placed a small kiss on his awaiting lips.

"Will you get in trouble for not being home?" Even though she denied that her father hit her, Jax suspected otherwise. He needed to catch that asshole red-handed before going to Samcro. If there is one thing Samcro does not tolerate is mistreatment towards women. But if he went to Clay now, two things could happen. Samcro would want hard facts so if he didn't have them, it could blow back on him. He didn't want to jeopardize his word with his future brothers. He also didn't want to lose Tara. He had a feeling that if he kept pushing her, she would push away from him,

She shook her head. "Derek will most likely be passed out. I'll have to sneak in though."

He couldn't understand how a man could neglect his child like Derek did Tara.

"Jax, just don't think about him, okay?"

He nodded his head.

"Can I ask you a question?" she whispered looking up at him. "What is this?"

"What do ya want it to be?" Tara was the type of person that couldn't live in the vague. He never had a girlfriend before so he didn't know how to go about the subject. But she was different. From that day in the cemetery, he knew she was different.

He also knew by her silence, that she would start to push away if he didn't act quickly. He also knew he couldn't bullshit with her life he did with the others.

"Honestly, Tara, I don't know. All I know is that when I am with you, I don't feel the weight of everything on top of me."

She nodded.

"How about we just keep it casual for now?" she asked timidly.

"Yea, I would like that," he replied, kissing her softly afterwards.

When they pulled apart, her smile lit up her whole face. He felt the shift in his heart. It was at that moment that he knew that Tara Knowles had to be his and his alone. Forever.

About an hour later, the rain let up a bit and they slowly got dressed in their damp clothes. Walking hand in hand back outside, they got in the wagon and drove back to Charming.

When they got back to her house, Jax put the car on idle, not wanting to depart from her company.

Turning over to look at her, he saw how tense she was.

"So, see you tomorrow?" she said in a small voice.

Leaning over, he gently kissed her full lips.

"See you tomorrow."

Opening the door to the wagon, Tara ran to her front door. Looking back at him one last time, she waved as she entered her own personal inferno.


	15. Chapter 15: Out from Under

This summer, I am on a roll.

Let me break down this chapter for you guys. In my humble opinion, in episode one of season one, it's obvious that Jax knew that Tara had returned and that she was a doctor. From their first interaction, he didn't seemed surprise to see her there, thus giving the viewer the sense that they had had some sort of brief interaction prior to their meeting in the hospital after Wendy's C-section. I also don't think that they had an in depth conversation, given that in episode two, Jax clarified that he and Wendy were no longer together, to Tara's relief. However, given her initial distance in the first couple of episodes, it's apparent that she felt somewhat hurt by something Jax did hence why she didn't tell him about Kohn (remember, she mentioned the restraining order to David before telling Jax, even though Jax was way more important to Tara, than David). Maybe it's because she wanted to stay away from the outlaw world, but I felt like she went to Charming for Jax's protection, found out he was having a baby, distanced herself to respect the possible relationship between Wendy, Jax and the unborn child, then the shitfest that was Kohn happened, and they couldn't resist the pull. That's my own personal interpretation.

Also, Tara was not obligated to assist in Abel's case, but she did it anyways because of Jax. Because she loved him so much, she couldn't bear to stay idle as his son clung to life. This made me think that Tara was the first person, to truly believe that Abel was going to make it. She chose to be there for him even before Jax. Both she and Gemma, were there for Abel, before even his parents.

So in this chapter is shorter than most but I wanted explore some of the dynamics of the buried and unconditional love both Jax and Tara felt for one another, but also the respect.

To my faithful and beloved readers, here is another chapter. Enjoy!

Please review and respond. Thanks

Chapter 15: Out From Under

_Breath you out_

_Breath you in_

_You keep coming back to tell me_

_You're the one who could have been_

_And my eyes see it all so clear_

_It was long ago and far away but it never disappears_

_I try to put it in the past_

_Hold on to myself and don't look back_

_I don't wanna dream about_

_All the things that never were_

_Maybe I can live without_

_When I'm out from under_

_I don't wanna feel the pain_

_What good would it do me now_

_I'll get it all figured out_

_When I'm out from under_

_So let me go_

_Just let me fly away_

_Let me feel the space between us growing deeper_

_And much darker every day_

_Watch me now and I'll be someone new_

_My heart will be unbroken_

_It will open up for everyone but you_

_Even when I cross the line_

_It's like a lie I've told a thousand times_

_I don't wanna dream about_

_All the things that never were_

_Maybe I can live without_

_When I'm out from under_

_I don't wanna feel the pain_

_What good would it do me now_

_I'll get it all figured out_

_When I'm out from under_

_And part of me still believes_

_When you say you're gonna stick around_

_And part of me still believes_

_We can find a way to work it out…_

-Britney Spears "Out from Under"

He was coding. Not even an hour into the surgery and he was coding.

Around her, the attendee rushed to save the baby as Mozart played in the background. All she really heard was the long beep of the heart monitor and the sound of her own heart pounding in her ears. Her vision zeroed in on Abel, his lungs still, even though he was ventilated.

This baby couldn't die. Not this one.

"Charge!" she screamed at the nearest nurse as the electroshocks of the paddles shook the small infant in front of her.

When David told her about Jax's future child, her whole heart shattered into pieces. Back when they were teens, she planned her life around his, babies included.

When she was seventeen, they had a pregnancy scare. At the time, she knew that neither of them were ready for the responsibilities that came with parenthood, so when the pregnancy test came out negative, both she and Jax were incredibly relieved.

But now, over ten years later, Jax had a son, that was currently coding in the OR table, his heart broken and belly only repaired a few hours ago.

Little Abel Teller couldn't die. He just couldn't.

Working rapidly with her gifted hands, Tara suctioned the small puddle of blood that was rapidly accumulating in the boys' minuscule chest, his heart still, as death loomed over his small body.

Ironic that the Reaper was trying to claim the soul of this tiny human, when his father wore the Reaper on his back like a badge of honor.

The irony of it all…

Life stood still for her as she worked on Abel's heart with Dr. Named.

The desire to save this baby was stronger than any other she had before him. She has witnessed and assisted in countless surgeries. Many of her patients survived but some didn't and Abel couldn't be one of the ones she lost. He simply couldn't.

She wouldn't be able to look at Jax ever again if she didn't save his son.

She knew that she was not at fault as to why Abel was born with a weak heart and ripped belly but she couldn't bear the thought of not saving this little boy.

As much as she wanted to sympathize with Wendy for being a chronic addict, part of her couldn't wrap her head around the fact that the mother of this child was so careless and selfish. How could she not love this little boy as soon as she knew he was growing inside of her? How could she look at herself in the mirror, knowing she was harming her child, shooting it up with poison each time she put a needle thru her arm?

The doctor within her knew she shouldn't judge an addict, especially Wendy. She knew the hell that it was being with Jax. She lived it for three years. She knew about the insecurities, the fear, the responsibilities of being an Old Lady. She knew how it felt to have Gemma judging every single move. She understood all of it more than anyone.

But as horrible as it was to be Jax Teller's girl, there was also something beautiful about it.

Like whenever she would wake up next to him and feel his heart beating against her ear. Or when they would ride all thought Charming, in the middle of the night, she firmly pressed against him, feeling the leather in her cheek. Or how it felt to make love to him, losing herself completely in him, not caring what others thought of their relationship. Or how he would speak softly to her, baring his soul, making her feel like she was the only person who knew the real Jackson Teller.

No. Abel could died. Not if she could help it.

Demanding for another charge, Tara watched Abel's little broken heart. There was still no beat.

When David told her of Wendy and the baby she was carrying, a small part of Tara wished it were she instead of Wendy. Eleven years ago, she knew she wasn't ready for kids, but now, there were times when she felt her womb throb out of want. She couldn't keep Kohn's baby because it wasn't conceived out of any form of love in her part. Plus a kid with Kohn meant being tied to the maniac in ways she had no desire to be tied in, especially with him. But now, seeing Jax's child in front of her reconfirmed her desire to have children in the future.

"He isn't coming back," muttered her mentor behind his surgical mask.

His words snapped something in her.

"One more charge, Dr. Named." Their gaze connected. She pleaded with him wordlessly. Pleaded to him and to a higher being for the life of Abel Teller.

Not understanding the young surgeon's urgency in this case, Dr. Named nodded. "One more," commanded Dr. Named.

The charge went thru his small body.

Tara's relief when she heard the rhythmic beep, beep, beep of the heart monitor was too great to describe.

This boy was a fighter…just like his dad. And Tara couldn't help the feeling of love that spread thru her as Abel's heart beat on.

* * *

"Clean yourself up, Jax," she whispered to him, her eyes full of bewilderment and disappointment.

Over ten years had passed since their relationship ended, yet, he still disappointed her with his choices.

As he leaned over the sink, shirtless, he knew he had to make some changes. Finding his Dad's manuscript the same day his son was born had to be a sign. It also didn't escape him that he found the manuscript a few days after Tara arrived. Opie was right. It's all a sign.

He heard the door open before he saw her small figure approaching him. Turning around so to face her, he saw that she had prepared herself to face him; all her walls were up now.

They nearly kissed a couple of minutes ago, her vulnerability clear as their faces were inches apart, their lips itching to touch. In her eyes, he saw that she still had lingering feelings for her. But as she pulled away and saw the blood in her lab coat, he felt her utter disappointment in him.

And now, she was standing before him as if they did not have a torrid past together. He noticed that she had removed her lab coat and was standing before him in just her green scrubs.

Clearing her throat, Tara reached forward and gave him a green scrub shirt.

"I thought you might need this. Abel is out of the OR. He will be in the incubation chamber shortly. When he is there, I'll have one of the nurses let you know." She was clearly all business now.

Nodding his head, Jax muttered a small thank you as he put on the garment she just handed to him. Giving him one last look, Tara turned and walked out of the small bathroom, not uttering a word to him.

Giving his reflection one last look, Jax also walked out and sat in the nearest waiting room, eager to see his son for the first time.

Things really had to change. The Mayan problem was getting out of control. The attack on the warehouse couldn't be ignored, but for the first time in a long time, he felt absolute remorse about the killings that occurred tonight.

He proudly carried the Reaper on his back, but he wanted to be a man both his father and son would be proud of. How could two different concepts merge to one? Do right by Abel and John, while living a life of an outlaw?

"Mr. Teller?"

Looking up, Jax saw a small nurse standing a few feet away from him. Standing, Jax looked at the older woman as he waited for her to talk.

"Dr. Knowles asked me to inform you that you could come in and see your son. Please follow me."

As he followed the nurse to the NICU, his heart started pounding against his chest.

Back when they were kids, he wanted to have babies with Tara. He desired it with every fiber of his being. At one point, when they were seventeen, she missed a period and she thought she was pregnant. At the time, he knew he wasn't ready to have kids yet, but he felt her restlessness. He knew she wanted to get out of Charming. So when the pregnancy test came out negative, part of him was relieved while the other was disappointed. Tara having his kid back then would had meant that she would forever be part of his life. When she left, part of him wished he had tied her down to him just so she could be his forever.

But now, he was going to see his son for the first time…a son whose mother was not Tara.

As the nurse opened the door to the NICU, Jax had this overwhelming feeling of running to find her, wherever she was at the hospital. He wanted her there. He wanted her to be there for when he first laid eyes to his son.

Tara had saved his son—a son he initially didn't want. As his eyes travelled across the small body of his baby, he knew that Tara would forever be the one for him. Because she gave him the greatest gift that anyone could ever give him…She gave him the chance to be a father. And with tears in his eyes, he silently swore that no one else would ever hurt Abel. He swore it the heavens, to his son but most importantly, to himself.


End file.
